Daughter of the Empire

Please Note...

2008-02-10T14:36:00.001+01:00

This is the 1st book in the trilogy. You will find the current story, as well as the PDF files of Books one and two here,

Daughter of the Empire 3

Please adjust your links accordingly if you link to this page.

Thank you

The Chapters

2006-07-14T21:44:00.000+02:00

As promised the chapters in PDF format.

For those of you having some problems with the Adobe Reader freezing or not reading the pages of some of the files properly, you need to have the latest updates. Adobe 7.08.

http://www.adobe.com/products/acrobat/readstep2.html

End of Part1

2006-04-27T23:20:00.000+02:00

Here in ends book one of what is supposed to be a trilogy... The story continues here...Daughter of the Empire 2

The PDF files are more or less the origional blog posts somewhat edited for typos etc...though I am sure the clever ones among you will find more... While all Lucas Arts / Star wars characters remain property of their respective owners, my characters and story inventions are mine and I would ask that this be respected.

If you have enjoyed reading this fan fic please feel free to leave a comment.

-Merlyn

Buried Deep, Scattered Wide 10

2006-04-14T09:33:00.000+02:00

For the next few weeks I lived in a world of engines and hyperdrives. My father had not been joking about the shortage of half decent mechanics. There was certainly no shortage of work and I threw myself into it. I could forget about pretty much everything when I was fixing a ship. None of my family pressed me for answers or details. Uncle Vahlek had told them everything Rikka Blane had said, there wasn’t much to add. I think everyone was waiting for me to open that up and they were all afraid to push. That night, after dinner I had hidden on my ship under the pretence of doing work. Instead, I had sat at the little dining table and tried re read all of Thrawn’s letters as if that very act would bring me some peace of mind but after reading the same sentence over and over again, I realised that not even Thrawn’s words would help. Uncle Vahlek had come to find me long after everyone else had gone to bed. He had looked at the small pile of hand written paper letters but had not commented. He watched as I had cleared them from the table and slipped them back in the ornate box I stored them in.

“I brought you this.” He had said sitting down across from me placing the metal box with my birth mother’s lightsaber in it in front of me.

I had let out my breath noisily and shaken my head. “I don’t want it.” I had said, folding my arms across my chest. I didn’t want to touch it.

Uncle Vahlek had looked at me for a while and then had said slowly. “Okay.”

“Will you keep it for me?” I had asked. “I don’t want anyone else to know about it and I don’t know what to do with it.”

He had nodded slowly and taken it back, returning it to the satchel. “When you are ready, you know where to find it.” He’d said.

“Thank you.” I had said.

“Get some sleep, lei’lei, sitting up all night brooding won’t change what has happened, won’t change the past and won’t change the universe.” He had said. “I doubt that this knowledge will even change you all that much, it just gives you a bigger picture of yourself, is all.”

“I just don’t know what to think of it all, Zte’sa.” I had said. I was so tired.

“Well then, don’t think. Give it time. You have been through an awful lot in the last year and a half, why do you feel you need to race through it all and have answers for everything now? You should know by now the universe unfolds its secrets one piece at a time, you can’t force it or rush it and trying to do so will only drive you insane.” He had said. “You always did try to run before you could walk.”

I had given him a small smile and nodded.

He had studied me for a few moments. “Look, if you want to talk or a place to think, come out to the house. I’ll have a key made for you and couriered out. The jaxes would love it, I’m sure.” He paused. “That woman in Mos Espa, Rikka Blane, will be there when you want to know more about Akali L’uanna and if you don’t want to go out to Mos Espa alone I will go with you. I always have things I can do in the city, even if it is only to pester Bareq.” He smiled. “You are not alone lei’lei, so don’t isolate yourself, you have a wonderful family who loves you very much. Don’t shut them, us, out.”

“Thanks Zte’sa.”

“Any time.” He had said as he got up to leave. “I’ll take care of this for you.” He had patted his satchel.

I had nodded and watched as he left my ship.

He had been right. Sitting around brooding was not the answer, fixing things was and my father put me to work.

Both Bedi and Bel had tried to cheer me up but I didn’t need cheering up, I needed time to think. In the end it had been my father who had understood. He let me work, he didn’t nag about the long hours I kept, or that I sometimes spent the night sleeping on my ship instead of in the house, and that sometimes I went up out to the Bluff and sat there for hours and hours on end. Of course, we had been through a similar situation before, when my mother had been killed. This time he understood that space and time was what I needed most of all and he gave it. When I was ready, I talked about it all and he listened.

It had taken me longer than I had thought it would to sort through all the information I had gathered and put it down into some sort coherent report for Lord Vader, my mind was on other things. What had seemed to me to be a huge jumble of images and thoughts had not seemed like much once I had transcribed everything from my head to datapad. When I was finished and felt that the report was as full as it would ever be I contacted Lord Vader, or tried to. For several weeks all I got was a sour faced officer on board Lord Vader’s ship telling me the Dark Lord was unavailable for personal contact but I was welcome to leave a message. I should have been worried, perhaps, but I didn’t sense anything wrong and put this lack of contact down to standard operating procedure while on some sort of covert operations. Although it wasn’t normal for him to completely ignore me for long periods of time, Lord Vader was often unreachable. I didn’t mind, I was happy on Tatooine and quite content to tinker with engines and manage my duties from home and Bestine. He contacted me five days before Boonta Eve.

“You have information for me?” he asked.

“Good afternoon Lord Vader, I hope that you are well?” I said ignoring his usual brusque manner for a moment then added. “Yes, I do you wish me to uplink now?”

“No, you will deliver this in person. I do not trust this to even the most secure channel. We will be in your sector shortly and you may rendezvous with me at these co ordinates and personally deliver all the information you have. I shall expect you here at 22:00 CST at the latest.”

“Am I to remain on board with you?” I asked, wondering if I should say my goodbyes now or not.

“That will be determined when I have studied the information.” He replied tersely. “I shall expect you not to be late.” He said and shut the connection.

By my calculations it would take me three hours to reach the rendezvous point pushing the engines just a little bit so I aimed for four and went to talk to my father. I wasn’t sure what would happen so I wanted to leave properly and not just on a rush and hope that I’d be coming back. With Lord Vader it was impossible to tell what he wanted and I wasn’t about to try and second guess him.

I arrived at the rendezvous point on time and once on board the Executor I was escorted to his personal chambers by two stormtroopers who refused to hold a conversation with me. Stormtroopers don’t have much of a sense of humour. Once inside his private rooms I was left alone.

He was sitting in his hyperbaric chamber which was just opening up like some giant egg split in two. The dim lighting in the room made it difficult to see details and I was glad of this. I watched in morbid fascination as his helmet was mechanically lowered onto his scarred head. I breathed a small sigh of relief when his damaged skull was covered and the soft hiss of the pressure equalization signalled completion of the mechanical arm’s task. I waited with my hands behind my back while he slowly got out of the strange cocoon like chamber and it closed up on its own.

He signalled me to follow him into one of the smaller conference rooms.

“I trust your flight here was uneventful.” He said being uncharacteristically pleasant. “My aide readied coffee or tea if you wish.” He gestured to the tray on the table, two carafes, milk in a jug and a single cup. He waited until I had poured a cup of coffee then asked about my work.

I handed him the data pad. I sat down, sipped my coffee and waited while he scanned it carefully.

“Is this all you found out?” he asked once he was done. He tossed the data pad on the table.

“There isn’t much to find. He didn’t have an exciting life in Tatooine and not that many people really knew him.” I said. “I did find this at the farm he lived on.” I pulled out the broken toy from my satchel and handed it to him.

He took it carefully from my fingers and looked at it, turning it over in his large, black gloved hands. “What am I supposed to get from this?” he asked annoyed.

“You don’t get images, sensations from objects?” I asked a little surprised.

He regarded me for a moment then asked. “Do you?”

I nodded slowly, “My uncle called it psychometry.” I said.

He paused for a moment and seemed to be re-evaluating me. “Another little talent you seem to have kept hidden.” He said dangerously. “Show me what you saw.”

I shook my head. I didn’t want to do that. All the images I held in my head were a jumbled mess and disorganized. I had no way to sort them out and present them in any logical manner; this included the images of Shmi’s burial and the images of my birth mother. I didn’t want him to see these things. I wasn’t going to get a choice in this matter though. He had plucked me out of my chair by my arm and pulled me up close to his face.

“Show me!” he commanded.

“My lord, everything is in the report….” I didn’t get the chance to finish my sentence before his grip on my arm turned very painful.

“Your disobedience is tedious, show me now!” he snarled.

I nodded and he let go of my arm. I was scared and tired so it was a struggle to get my thoughts in order and my breathing steady. I needed to be able to concentrate so that I did not show him the wrong thing.

I focused on the little toy and pulled the images it had shown me to the fore front of my thoughts, Luke as a small boy, Luke as a young man, Luke arguing with his uncle, Luke with new droids. Up until that image Lord Vader was calm but as soon as he saw the two droids, an R2 unit and a Protocol droid he growled shaking my concentration. As I tried to get back on track he pushed at me and I lost the train of thought completely. Random images cropped up instead. Images of the burial, of the boy I thought was Anakin, the chulpas laid on the mourning marker. Sharp and clear images of my birth mother flashed through my mind as well until he broke the mental connection and pushed me away from him. He stared at me and the anger coming from him in waves was a physical thing.

“You must learn control.” He hissed. “You were told to find out about Luke Skywalker and instead I find you disobeyed me.” He was angry.

“I did not! It is impossible to ask about the name Skywalker without hearing the name Anakin as well. He is a folk hero on Tatooine!” I retorted hotly.

He advanced on me with a deadly menace. “I told you never to mention that name again! I told you he is dead!”

I put my hands on my hips; I was starting to get annoyed. “Well he may be dead but he is not forgotten! Why does it make you so angry, anyway? Why do you care?” I asked.

He turned away from me but his rage flowed about him like sand on the wind. Seconds seemed like hours until he asked. “Who is the woman, the one who looks like you?”

I did not want to get into this conversation.

“Who is she?” he asked again keeping his back to me. His tone of voice said he would not ask again nicely.

“Her name was Akali L’uanna, she was a Jedi.” I said quietly.

“I remember her.” He nodded. “Why do you have images of her in your head?”

I paused not quite certain how to say what I needed to say. I could feel his rising temper start to get the better of him and blurted it out. “She was my birth mother.” I said through gritted teeth.

He nodded slowly. “Yes, now I see. Now, I understand why you always seemed familiar to me.”

I stared at his back in disbelief. I wanted to scream at him but instead drew a deep breath. “When we met for the first time, you knew I had been adopted even when no one else knew, you did. How?”

He whirled around to face me and I involuntarily stepped back from him. “Do you think, for a second that I would allow you to work for me, so closely with me and I should not know exactly who and what you are? I make it my business to know everything about those around me, especially people with force powers.” he said. “Your adoption papers are on record, it was never kept secret, except maybe to you. Now I see that these papers were cleverly created, excellent forgeries I might add to get past our Intel screening. They indicated your birth parents were traders from Corellia and there was nothing to suggest otherwise, except your force talents. You were never what you appeared to be and now I understand why.”

I looked at him, “Did you know? Did you know she was my birth mother?” my heart was pounding but not from fear, I was angry and I was having trouble controlling it.

He shook his head. “No, but I suspected you had some Jedi blood in you. I did not see the resemblance until now. I did not know Jedi L’uanna well, our paths did not cross very often and it was a very long time ago” He added.

“Why did you not ever say anything about what you suspected?”

“What should I have said?” he asked. “Telling you of your possible heritage was none of my concern as long as you did your job and remained loyal to the Empire what do I care about who gave birth to you?”

My anger flared. “Did you kill her? Did you hunt her down?” I asked.

“I did not have to; her lover did that for us as he was supposed to, as he was ordered to.” He replied coldly.

I opened my mouth to answer but was at a loss for words. I wanted to ask if he knew how she had died but could not. Instead anger and grief poured out into the room, both his and mine and clashed. I yelled at him without thinking about the consequences.

“You really are heartless! Why did you ask me to find out about this boy, Luke? He’s just some poor kid who never even knew who his real parents were. He had a miserable life in the middle of nowhere on the most forsaken planet in the galaxy!”

He stopped for a moment. “You sympathise with him.” He said in amazement.

“I know what it is like to lose someone I loved. I know what it is like to grow up without a mother. I know how it feels not to know who my real parents are, not to know anything about where I come truly come from. So yes, I sympathise with him. I understand what he must have felt growing up on that hell hole of a farm, alone not knowing who he really was. What would you know about any of this? You don’t have a heart or a soul; you don’t know what it feels like to love or to lose someone, especially your mother!”

He snarled at me. “Mind your mouth!”

I ignored the prickling sensation I usually associated with extreme danger. “Why? You don’t give a Spicer’s damn about anyone or anything! You are nothing but a monster all wrapped up in black armour and hiding behind that mask. You hunt down people for sport. I was wrong about you; you have no redeeming qualities at all! In fact I am beginning to wonder if you even had a mother at all or if you weren’t something the Emperor hatched from a bad nightmare that he….”

I never got to finish my sentence. He moved so fast I never saw it coming. His hand clamped around my neck as he slammed me backwards against the wall so hard I saw stars when my head collided with it. His hand crushed my throat painfully and if he squeezed even the tiniest bit harder I knew he would break my neck. I stood very, very still and didn’t fight him. My anger swiftly replaced by fear.

“You hold your tongue you stupid, ignorant girl!” he hissed. “You know nothing of me or my life and you will never speak of my mother again!” he spat. As he spoke I saw flashes, inadvertent images sent to me through his anger which spilled about him like flowing water. His mother, letting him as a small fair haired boy leave home, telling him not to look back, his mother held captive and tortured in the Tusken camp, dying in his arms and worst of all his helplessness. I saw images of Padmé Naberrie and she was pregnant, flashes violent anger and jealousy, he was hurting her. I saw fire, lots and lots of fire. It was the fire and the agonizing pain that finally broke me. I screamed.

I wanted to stop the barrage of images but neither he nor I could control them. Sent in anger they shoved their way into my head like an angry mob and it was all I could do to stay conscious and sane. I gripped at the arm attached to the hand at my throat with my hands, wanting him to either let me go, to break the contact or kill me quickly and get it over with instead he stood transfixed on me. And then, as though I had been slapped on the face, it came to me, the link I had missed. I could not believe I hadn’t seen it before now.

Wide eyed I stared at him and before I could think to shut up I whispered, “Anakin. You are Anakin Skywalker.” I thought he would crush my neck but instead he pulled his hand away from me as though he had been stung. I slid clumsily to the floor and stared up at him.

“Luke is your son?” I whispered hoarsely.

He stormed away from me to the other side of the room, I could feel his conflict, his anger mingled with something else I couldn’t define and it made the hair on the back of my neck stand on end. I didn’t understand why I was still alive. I didn’t dare break the heavy silence and stayed as still as I could. When he turned around and came back to face me I was certain he would kill me. I cowered against the wall trying to make myself as small as possible. Instead he regarded me for a long time with a gaze hidden behind his mask.

“Anakin Skywalker is dead. Luke Skywalker is a traitor to the Empire. You will never speak of this again.” He said coldly. “Now, leave!”

When I didn’t move he hauled me to my feet and dragged me to the door of the outer chamber, summoning the two guards who waited outside.

“Escort Miss Gabriel to her ship! See that she leaves immediately.” He said shoving me over to them. I shook my arm free when one of them reached for me. Lord Vader grabbed me by the chin forcing me to look at him directly. I whimpered. He was hurting me.

“You will stay on Tatooine and you will do your job from there until I say otherwise. Is this understood?” he said in a voice that told me I had no choice in the matter.

I nodded. I wasn’t very successful at stopping the tears that rolled down my cheeks. I thought for a moment we would stand locked together like that forever. His anger and my fear mixed together in one awful combination. Then he hissed into my face, “Get out of my sight.” He waited a hair’s breadth before shoving my face away from him so violently I thought he might break my neck after all and then without further word he returned to his chamber leaving me, shaken to the core, with two very confused looking guards.

“I know my way to the docking bay. “ My voice was hoarse and they insisted on accompanying me anyway, despite my protests.

I arrived back on Tatooine very early in the morning in a state of shock. I didn’t want to return to Mos Eisley, my father and the others would ask too many questions so I landed out by my uncle Vahlek’s house.

Even though I had tried to be quiet about entering his house at that hour of the morning, I had woken him. Tying his robe and yawning, he came down into the kitchen to find me sitting at the table. The bruises on my chin and neck were beginning to blossom like colourful flowers. I didn’t look at him; I just stared blankly at the wall, unable to speak, unable to cry. The shock of what had happened slowly sinking in.

“Lei’lei, what is it?” he asked.

I didn’t say anything and I didn’t resist when he inspected my jaw and neck. His touch was gentle as he surveyed the damage Lord Vader had done.

“Who did this to you?” he asked.

I told him. My voice was still hoarse and rough.

“Why?” his voice was tight and angry.

I bit back the first surge of sorrow I had felt since I had left the Executor. “Lord Vader doesn’t like to be reminded of the past.” I said. “He sent me away and I don’t know what to do. I don’t know why he is so angry, why he is so afraid.”

Uncle Vahlek pursed his lips and sighed. “The Zabrak have a saying. To bury your past deep is to scatter your fears wide.” He said. “I have some salve that will help with the pain, don’t go any where.” He told me getting up and vanishing for a few moments. When he came back he was holding a small tin, which when he opened it, filled the kitchen with a pungent scent. It wasn’t unpleasant. I winced as he applied a small amount to the nasty looking bruises on my throat and jaw.

“Can I stay with you? If I go home there will be too many questions and I can’t handle that right now.”

He nodded. “Of course. I’ll let Kit know you’re here later on. You should get some sleep, you look like hell.”

I shook my head. “He’s banished me, Zte’sa.” I suddenly said on the verge of tears, looking into my uncle’s eyes for the first time since he had come into the kitchen. “I made him angry, hurt him somehow and now he’s banished me. I should be dead, I thought he would kill me but he didn’t and I don’t know why. Instead he sent me away and I don’t think he’ll ever want to see me again.” I blinked away the tears welling up in my eyes.

Uncle Vahlek regarded me for a moment; the expression on his face was unreadable. “Perhaps,” he said softly, “then again, perhaps not.”

I just looked at him. “I don’t know what to do.”

“Then you do what one always does when any terrible storm hits.” He said gently.
“You wait it out, lei’lei, just wait it out.”

---
End of Part 1
Part 2: http://dote2.blogspot.com/

Buried Deep, Scattered Wide 9

2006-04-11T08:37:00.000+02:00

I sipped at the cold juice she had given me and listened as she began to talk.

“Your mother was a woman named Akali L’uanna, she was a Jedi and she was my best friend.” She said.

I watched as she tried to gather her thoughts. I could feel how hard this was for her but I didn’t know what to think or say. I just stared at her and waited. Her words were not sinking in.

“Your mother and I had known each other since childhood. My family worked at the Jedi temple as part of the civilian work force and she and I became friends. It was not encouraged, these friendships but they happened anyway. I cannot count the number of times she was there for me. So when she showed up here one day, pregnant, scared to death with no place else to turn I was glad to have a chance to repay her for all she had done for me.” She paused with a long sigh. “She would not say who the father of her child was even though I had asked. She was confused and conflicted. The Jedi were not supposed to have relationships other than purely platonic. They were certainly not supposed to have children. She wouldn’t tell me what had happened but she was terrified and that frightened me because of all the people I had ever met in my life she was the one person I thought to be fearless.”

“We had lost touch after I married and left Coruscant to come here. I suppose that was normal. She was a Jedi with great responsibilities and we had drifted apart. I had tried to write to her a few times but never heard back. So, I was surprised to see her at my door step looking like death warmed up. She spoke about the war, what the history books call the Clone wars, and how terrible things had become. She had been involved in the Outer Rim disputes but she wouldn’t speak of what had happened. Only that she had not imagined things could get so bad. She told me that I was lucky I had moved so far away, that on Coruscant the world had turned upside down. When she had discovered she was pregnant she thought only about the safety of her baby. She would not speak about who fathered you.”

“She had just left her duties, her work behind. She said that you were all that mattered. I think she did not know how to deal with the guilt she felt between her need and love for you and her duty to the Jedi Order. She had been on the run for some time and it had taken its toll. She was not in good shape by the time she came to me and when you came into this world it was a little earlier than you should have. You were born here, in this house. She named you after her favourite flower from her home planet of Naboo.” She said with a sad smile. “Her labour was really long and hard and I thought she was going to die in the process. What did I know about birth or helping with the process? I was no doctor and she refused outside help. She didn’t want anyone to know she was here or that you existed. When you were born it was a small miracle really, I wished that my husband were still alive to share it, we could not have our own children and he had died of Tourning’s syndrome some years prior.”

“She stayed with me for a week and after a long discussion she decided to return to her duties and help fight out the war. I told her you would be safe here with me and that I would love you as though you were my very own. You were here for almost a year. Such a good baby, an amazing baby really. You hardly ever cried and you always seemed content. It never occurred to me that you would be in any real danger, after all no one had known she was with child. When she returned almost a year later, I knew from the look in her eyes that something terrible had happened.”

“She told me that her absence had raised questions and that there had been rumours about her and her relationship with the man who fathered you. She didn’t think they knew she had borne a child but she was scared that even a whisper of such a thing could some how get back to me, we had been friends and that was a known fact. Finding me was not so hard. She said it wasn’t safe any more for you to be with me, or for me to have you here. We argued a lot about what to do. I wanted you both here. No one would come here looking for a single Jedi, or so I had thought but she told me I didn’t understand. The Jedi were being hunted like animals, slaughtered on sight, that there were bounties on their heads. She had said that the newly declared Emperor had decreed this but she didn’t know why. She had tried to return to Coruscant but a beacon had warned her away, while she was on the run she had heard snippets of news reports and whispers of terrible things that were being done to hunt the renegade Jedi down and kill them. These people are ruthless, she had said. It was as if the entire galaxy had gone mad and been turned inside out. She believed that they would find her and if they even suspected a child they would hunt for that child as well. If they found you, she said, they would kill you and they would not even blink. She knew that you were force sensitive. She said she could feel it in you and that if she could so could others. She wanted you as far away as possible for anything that connected her with you. I disagreed with her but in the end she was your mother. She was special, she was a Jedi, she knew things, could do things I could not even dream of.”

“One night, while I was asleep she took you and left, I never knew where. There was no note, no letter of explanation nothing. I suppose she felt that if I really knew nothing then I could say nothing. Two months later a letter, along with a sealed box, was delivered. The letter said that you were safe. She had found good people who would care for you, give you a good home far away from the Empire, and that there were no connections to tie you to her or me in any way. She had written that I was not to be sad, that I would meet you one day here in Mos Espa and I would know you by your looks. That when I did find you I was to ask about a journal only you could read but she never said why.” She drew a deep breath and sipped her juice. “I didn’t understand any of this but one of her gifts was that she sometimes saw into the future and I assumed that she had seen this. All these years I have carried this story around in me and now here you are.”

I sat there feeling as though I had just been punched in the gut. I was trembling. It was all incredibly surreal. There were so many things I wanted to ask and just could not. I had lost the ability of coherent thought. I was grateful when the front door open loudly and uncle Vahlek strode into the kitchen. I didn’t have to see his face to know he was furious.

“I told you he would find you.” Rikka said in a resigned voice. “He always finds those that he seeks.”

“Quiet, woman!” He snarled.

I looked up at him, our eyes met and his anger immediately turned to worry. “Lei’lei what is it, are you hurt?” he asked coming to squat down beside my chair.

I just stared at him and then said in a voice I didn’t recognize as mine. “I was born in this house.”

There was moment of perfect stillness in the room and then uncle Vahlek stood up. He looked at Rikka who nodded.

“Tell him.” I whispered to her. “Tell him everything you just told me.”

And she did. Uncle Vahlek stood very still as her story unfolded a second time, less scattered, more coherent. When she was done she left the room without saying a word. He pulled a chair over and sat next to me. I pushed the holo-image Rikka had given me over to him before he could say anything and watched his face when he looked at it. He let the air out of his lungs slowly.

“You said you knew some of the Jedi, did you know her?” I asked.

“No lei’lei I didn’t.” he spoke gently, he spoke the truth. “Sarlacc’s teeth, the resemblance is uncanny.”

Rikka came back into the room holding a plain metal box. She set it on the table and pushed it to me. “She wanted you to have this. It was sealed, I never opened it.”

I glanced at uncle Vahlek and then gingerly touched the box. Nothing happened so I broke the seal and opened it. I heard uncle Vahlek make a small sound of surprise and Rikka covered her mouth with her hand. Lying on a folded piece of cloth was something I had only ever seen when I was in the presence of Lord Vader.

“Her lightsaber.” Rikka said in a voice that was filled with sorrow. “She would not have given that up if she thought she would live.”

I bit my lip and uncle Vahlek looked at me. “You do not have to if you do not want to.” He said quietly.

“Yes, yes I do.” I told him. “Because if I don’t do it now, I never will.”

He nodded but he wasn’t happy and he shifted a little closer to me as though his physical presence would shield me from the hurt he knew was coming. I reached over and picked up the lightsaber knowing that what would hit me would be terrible. All my life this one gift had made itself known in strange and often unassuming ways, building up slowly and quietly. In the last week I had had more visions and they had been more powerful than for most of my life and suddenly I understood why, to prepare me for this exact moment. All the training I had undergone at the hand of Lord Vader and Master Kjestyll had readied me for this because it would be one of the most difficult things I would ever have to see. I was not wrong. I took a deep steadying breath, looked at uncle Vahlek who nodded and then grasped the blade’s handle firmly. I jerked back hard as the images assaulted me. I heard Rikka move and uncle Vahlek stopped her.

“No, don’t touch her.” He ordered, holding his arm out straight shielding me from her interference.

I gasped as the visions from this object tumbled about me. It was physically painful. There were so many memories, so much information that it was too much to take in and understand all at once. Her life as a Jedi, the things she had done and known, the man who had fathered me, the war, even her own death were all tied up in this weapon that had been a part of her very being. It was as though I was being shown a holo story on fast forward with burning, powerful emotions embedded into it. I was numb when the visions finished. Her lightsaber had been a part of her, it held her soul and I never wanted to touch it again. It rolled from my open hand as I let it go. Uncle Vahlek caught it before it fell off the table and laid it gingerly back in the box.

The room was utterly still. I looked at uncle Vahlek. “Zte’sa, I want to go home now.” I whispered. With his help, I got up slowly; it was like moving through water.

Rikka watched me. “She loved you so much and so did I.” She murmured.

I just looked at her. I didn’t know what else to say. Uncle Vahlek gathered up the box with the lightsaber in it and tucked it carefully in his bag.

“Will I ever see you again?” she asked. There was such a sadness in her voice I thought it would break my heart.

I had no idea how to answer her and I didn’t have to because uncle Vahlek spoke first.

“You did what you were meant to.” He said, his voice was firm but also gentle. “Give her time, Rikka Blane. When your paths are meant to cross again they will.”

She regarded him coldly. “And what is your part to play in all of this, Tze’yusha’Jin?” she asked. I had never heard the word she called him before. I did not know its meaning but there was anger behind it and fear.

He just gave her a cold stare. “I am the girl’s sworn guardian. You know what that means.” He said almost angrily. “Be at peace.”

She was very afraid of uncle Vahlek but I had no idea why. He waited until she gave him a small nod. She watched as he tucked a protective arm around my shoulders and didn’t say anything else. As we left there were tears in her eyes.

I could not recall the walk to the shuttle port or the flight back to Mos Eisley. I just kept replaying the images of my mother over and over again in my head. Her life, her lover, her death, I couldn’t shut them out. Uncle Vahlek kept silent. It was dark by the time we reached home and I was utterly exhausted.

We walked in the house and immediately everyone knew something was wrong. I just shook my head. How could I even begin to speak of what had happened? I needed to escape, to be some place quiet to think. Without saying a word I left the kitchen were we all stood and made my way up to the rooftop. As I walked away I heard uncle Vahlek start to explain what had happened and felt the stunned shock that fell on the room.

I sat with my back against the domed roof and stared at the stars in the sky wondering how such a large and beautiful universe could be so twisted and cruel. I could not cry. I wasn’t even angry. I felt strangely empty. Everything I had known in my life was being systematically turned upside down. All the things I had believed in no longer held sway or meaning. Questions I had never thought to ask before now screamed at me in my head. I was an illegitimate child born of a soldier and a Jedi in the midst of a war, hidden away from the very people I ended up working with and for. It was somehow not even a surprise but I couldn’t quite digest it. Had the Emperor known this? Had he guessed? What about Lord Vader, he had been trained as a Jedi once, Palpatine had told me. Had he known my mother? Had he been among those who had hunted for her? Nothing happens by chance, the Dantassi said, there are no coincidences. I wonder what they had to say about being driven mad by it all.

It was my father who eventually came to make sure I had not jumped off the roof. He handed me a glass of moonglow and I sipped at it gratefully. For a very long time nothing was said, he was waiting for me to break the silence.

“Who am I, papa?” I asked.

I felt him smile and he ruffled my hair in a way he had not done since I was very small. “You are my beautiful, talented, wilful, mysterious daughter.” He said. It was the perfect answer, perhaps the only answer. He waited a few moments then said. “Come back downstairs, everyone is worried. Dinner is waiting and so is your family.”

I smiled at him and let him pull me to my feet. He cuddled me close. “No matter what,” he whispered in my ear, “I love you, I love you more than anything in the galaxy and nothing will ever change that.”

“I love you too, papa.” And I meant it.

He nodded, “I know that, pet.” He said and we went back downstairs into the house where the others were waiting.

Buried Deep, Scattered Wide 8

2006-04-07T09:14:00.000+02:00

Mos Espa looked like a giant serpent from the air. It was a largest city on the planet and mostly be default the unofficial capitol. The shuttle flight to get there from Wayfar was two hours long and not especially pleasant. I was in the end, glad uncle Vahlek had come with me.

We disembarked and the smell hit me like a slap. Mos Eisley smelt dusty, the air tinged with the scent of transport fuel and oil. Here, there were too many beings all living on top of one another. The city smelled of fear, sweat and the refuse from over population. It was unpleasant and I wrinkled my nose. Uncle Vahlek laughed softly.

“Core worlds have spoiled you, lei’lei.” He said as he manoeuvred easily through the crowds of people who swarmed about the shuttle port. I had to trot to keep up with him and was jostled as those who had moved out of his way filled the space where he had been back in again.

“Where are we going?” I asked as we walked swiftly through the twisty streets.

“You want to know about the Boonta Eve Race, yes? We go ask someone who knows about it.”

The town hall was a fairly large building, and uncle Vahlek seemed to know his way around the building. I followed him through the labyrinth of corridors and stairs down into the basement, to a dimly lit room.

“Bareq, Bareq! You here or sleeping!?” my uncle yelled as we entered the room.

“Shut up d’ yelling, I’m old, not deaf!” came the gruff reply, two minutes later, appearing from behind one of the floor to ceiling archive shelves was a very annoyed looking Ithorian.

“Oh ‘tis you, what you wanting now?” Bareq asked my uncle, ignoring me. I had seen very few Ithorians in my life up close, although one or two did come through Mos Eisley, they mostly kept to themselves. They were among the more unusual looking beings in the galaxy. They were mostly peaceful, graceful beings with a long curved neck and T shaped head. They had two mouths, two throats and really melodic almost beautiful voices.

“Manners, Bareq, my Nahlei’lei Merlyn is with me today.” Uncle Vahlek said pushing me in front of him so that Bareq could see me. “Bareq, is a bit blind so forgive his rudeness.”

“Blind my…” He stopped before saying what ever it was he really wanted to say and bent down to peer at me. “Ah, never be knowing you had attachments Akosh, be thinking you a loner guy. What you wanting?”

“My Nahlei’lei wishes to know about the boy, Anakin Skywalker and the Boonta Eve Classic he won. You are the city’s archivist I thought, perhaps wrongly, that you might be able to help her, however we can go talk to Agle instead.”

“Naw naw, you in d’ right place. I be knowing all. I have facts, files, much informations. Anakin you say, Skywalker…” he nodded and then shuffled back into the stacks. “He d’ only human to win d’ Boonta Eve race ever. Big thing!”

At my uncle’s urging I followed Bareq into the stacks as the Ithorian searched for information.

“I was there, saw d’ race. Very exciting, lots of folkses unhappy they bet against d’ boy.” He sighed. “Ah yes, here we are.” He pulled out several data pads and shuffled back towards me. “You can be reading these, it’s all we got on d’ boy. Was a slave here you know, he and his mother. A junk dealer called Watto owned them. He was a cranky ol’ b… . It all in d’ datapads. You can sit in d’ corner there and read them, not to leave this room though, forbidden. You can be making notes if’n you want. Will be ten credits for my work.”

Before I could dig any money out my uncle had already paid the fee. “Are you content to sit here and read for a few hours while I’m gone?”

“Yes, Zte’sa.” I nodded wondering how it was that people who had known you since babyhood could always somehow manage to make you feel as though you had never grown up.

“Good, I have business to attend to, should be back in three hours or so. I know a good place for lunch, so don’t go anywhere until I come back for you.” He told me.

“Yes, Zte’sa.” I said again rolling my eyes. I was convinced he still thought I was ten.

He laughed and patted me on the head. “Bareq? Bareq!” he yelled.

The Ithorian ambled back out from behind the stacks. “Quit with d’ yelling, I tell you, I can hear fine. What you want now?”

“Look after my Nahlei’lei, or I will tell the kreetles to come and have lunch in this room.” Uncle Vahlek said.

The Ithorian shook his great curved head and sighed. “You a rough man, Akosh, mean to me. Your little charge is safe here, Ithorians look peaceful but we being very handy when backed into a corner and have to fight.”

My uncle smiled and nodded. “Fine then.” He said and he left without further conversation. Bareq looked at me for a moment and shook his head. “Was never knowing that man had anyone he cared for. How you get in his heart? Men like him have no one they treasure, too dangerous.” He asked.

I shrugged. “I’ve known him my whole life.” I said. “What do you mean by ‘men like him’?”

Bareq gave me a long steady stare which was a bit unnerving. “He a finder, among other things, very deadly.” He said. “No attachments, no strings.” And then with snort he turned his back on me. “He not be happy with me telling you his business if’n he hasn’t already told you. Best be reading now or else he be back and have to pay more credits.”

I did as he suggested. Curled up in the surprisingly comfortable chair in the far corner and began to read all about the Boonta Eve pod race and the boy that changed its history.
Time just slipped by, the archives Bareq had given me were really interesting, with images and information, the actual race had been captured and the highlights were to be seen. It made me wish I had actually been there, it looked so exciting. I had never seen a pod race live; the Empire had banned them from taking place, not that this actually stopped it from happening.

There were also stories about Anakin and his mother, where they had lived, who their owner had been, and lots of other little stories and gossip which had been gathered to round out the life of this little boy who had won the pod race. There was one small image of the boy with a small group of people gathered around him after he had crossed the finish line; two of the faces were known to me. One was Amidala, the queen of Naboo in disguise and the other was the Jedi Qui-Gon Jin. I stared at he image for a really long time hardly believing that this man who was dead was the very same who kept appearing in my dreams. I found it strange to think that this little boy had become the hero of the Clone wars. He looked so young, just an ordinary kid. I was deep in thought when uncle Vahlek returned almost four hours later.

“Did you find what you were looking for?” He asked bringing me out of my reverie. I looked up from the datapads.

“I think so.” I said, and then showed him the picture.

He nodded. “That’s Qui-Gon alright. Ready for lunch?”

“Yep.” I said getting up. I had made notes and copied some of the images and data into my own datapad.” I took the pile of archives and gave them back to Bareq who was now sitting at the desk near the front of the room.

“Was helping you?” he asked.

“Yes, thank you.”

“Any time you be wanting more help and informations I am here.” He said and then looked up at my uncle. “And you be speaking nice to the kreetles, they do terrible bad damage to the archives. Tell them to stay away or bother Agle instead. I be having enough troubles as is without d’ bugs destroying things.”

Uncle Vahlek grinned. “Thank you for all your help, Bareq.” He said and with me in tow, left.

“You wouldn’t really send kreetles to destroy his archives, would you?” I asked as we walked out.

Uncle Vahlek laughed. “No, Bareq and I have known each other a very long time and we argue like an old married couple. He is one of the most amazing beings I know, truth be told.”

It was hot outside in comparison to the soothing cool of the archive room and bright. I trotted beside uncle Vahlek as he made his way through the crowded streets. He took me to a small, somewhat out of the way café and we sat outside under the shade of the awning. A cranky Rodian came and took the order and came back with our drinks. I watched people passing back and forth, going about their business, ignoring us and everything around them. Lunch came and it was surprisingly good. Uncle Vahlek chatted about some of Mos Espa’s more interesting aspects and I listened. It was a nice way to pass the time and I was grateful that I could spend it with him. In the last week I felt that we had become very close. I had gotten to know him as more than just a fun uncle who brought me interesting toys and pets to play with. He had become a friend and someone I could talk to.

I was happy with the information I had found in the archives. I knew that Lord Vader would probably not have been so pleased about me digging up Anakin Skywalker’s past but I was becoming more and more convinced that the two Skywalkers were somehow connected. I was pretty certain that once I sorted these connections all out the story would make itself known to me. I wasn’t sure if finding all the information at the archives was at all what my dream had meant but it seemed to me that I had accomplished all I could in this town. I was looking forward to going home. Uncle Vahlek had just paid the bill when he suddenly got up, seeing someone across the street.

“Stay put, I’ll be right back. I need to talk to that man, it will just be a moment and then we can go. Bedi is apparently planning a full scale family dinner tonight, this means we need to get there on time. I do not want to risk her wrath.” He told me. I nodded and watched as he made his way across the street weaving through the people and the traffic with surprising ease. I lost interest in what he was doing once he had stopped the person he wanted to talk to.

The late afternoon was always a nice time of day. I sat back in my seat and watched the world around me. My thoughts drifted a little to all the things going on in my life and I wondered what would be in store for me when I returned to the Imperial City. Now that I was away from it I realised I didn’t miss it at all. I missed Thrawn. I missed Master Kjestyll, Shiv and I missed Lord Vader but I did not miss Coruscant, the palace or the Emperor. It was a relief to be so far away from it all.

At first I didn’t notice the woman who was standing a little ways away from the café, staring at me but after a few moments it became unnerving. I stared back at her wondering if I knew her at all but she didn’t look familiar to me. She was an older woman with a face that had seen better times. She dressed typical to the region and her hair, which had been tied up in a simple bun was a sandy grey colour. After a few moments of staring I looked away. I thought she would just go away but instead she came up to the table and continued to look at me. It was unnerving. Unsure of what to do I looked around for Uncle Vahlek, but he was still deeply entrenched in what looked like a fairly serious conversation and I didn’t think that would be ending any time soon.

“Can I help you?” I asked the woman who seemed utterly fixated on me.

“Your name is Merlyn, yes?” she asked.

I nodded. “Do I know you?” I asked.

She shook her head. “No, but I knew your mother.”

I raised my eyebrows in question and asked with some disbelief. “You knew Eri’ Gabriel?”

She shook her head. “No, I knew your real mother, the woman who gave birth to you.” She said, “The one who gave you your name.”

“What?” I managed to whisper. Despite the warmth of the day all the hair on the back of my neck was suddenly standing on end.

She took a very deep breath and shook her head. “I don’t even know where to begin. She told me this would happen but I didn’t believe it.” She wasn’t making any sense, and I could feel her distress coming off her in great waves. It made me a little nauseous.

“I have no idea who you are or what you are talking about but I need to go, my uncle will be waiting for me.” I said starting to get up. Suddenly, I didn’t like the feeling that my world was about to come crashing down about me in a very messy way.

She grabbed my hand and pulled at me. “Please, listen to me.” She spoke quickly. “I know how this must sound, but it is true. You were left someplace for others to find and raise, probably a transport ship. She left you with a journal only you can read and you probably have some remarkable talents that most people don’t. Am I close?”

I sat back down hard in the chair. She now had my full attention. I nodded in answer to her question and looked again over to where uncle Vahlek was still standing. In my heart I knew there would be no avoiding this now, something set into motion that would be impossible to stop.

“Will you come to my home with me, I’d feel better about explaining all this to you there and I have something that belonged to your mother that she wanted you to have. I have waited a long time for this moment.”

“Who are you?” I asked realising that I did not even know her name.

“My name is Rikka Blane. I was your mother’s best friend.” She said. I knew that everything she had told me was the truth. She had not lied but she was scared. I knew that she was very upset about seeing me. I could feel that without even concentrating. From some place deep inside of my soul I knew this was the answer to the unasked question, this is what I been waiting for. I could choose to get up and walk away and never know the truth or I could take the chance and go with this woman and find out where I really came from and perhaps why I had been so readily abandoned.

“I need to tell my uncle where I am going.” I said pointing at him.

“That man, the one with white hair is your uncle?” she sounded more than a little surprised.

I nodded. “Well my Zte’sa actually, we’re not actually related.”

She made a face that was not happy and shook her head. “Come with me, he’ll find you, it’s what he’s good at.” She said bitterly.

I looked over at him and then back to Rikka who had now stood up. “Please,” she said. “I have carried these secrets a long time waiting for you.”

I didn’t know what else to do. I stood up and began to follow her through the streets of Mos Espa. I looked back over my shoulder but uncle Vahlek had moved and I couldn’t see him any more. He was going to be really cross with me but I needed to know if what this woman was telling me was real.

She lived in a quiet street off the main core of the city, about ten minutes away from the café. A small unassuming house tucked away behind some larger apartment homes. As I followed her in through to door I didn’t know what to expect. I didn’t think that I was in any danger but I had terrible knots in my stomach. Her home was nice, simple and tidy. She ushered me into the small kitchen and gestured for me to sit at the table there.

“Can I get you something to drink?” she asked.

“No, thank you.” I said folding my hands on my lap. “How do you know I am who you are looking for?” I asked trying to sound calm and business like.

She made a ‘wait a moment’ gesture with her finger and vanished from the room for a second. When she came back she handed me a holo-picture. It was of two young women hugging each other and laughing. One I knew was a much younger version of Rikka but the other made my heart skip a beat and I forget to breathe. My hands shook as I put the holo image back on the table. A very sickly, prickling sensation starting from the pit of my gut worked its way up into my head and I though, just for a second, I would pass out.

‘Breathe just breathe’, I heard the man from my dreams voice whisper in my mind.

“I know who you are,” She said seeing my reaction, “because you are the spitting image of your mother. Will you have something to drink now?”

It was all I could do just to nod. That tail eating snake had finally hit the wall and it hurt like hell.

Buried Deep, Scattered Wide 7

2006-04-03T08:45:00.000+02:00

I stayed with uncle Vahlek for over a week. Much of it was spent doing very little. I spent a lot of time with Mej-mej riding, exploring for short periods of time the area around his house. I needed the quiet and strange companionship she offered did me the world of good. My uncle was often absent from the house during the day, business he would say and nothing more. I didn’t mind.

In the evenings, after he had retuned and after we had eaten, we would talk. The conversations were easier than I had thought they would be. He passed no judgement and offered no platitudes. He listened, asked questions and gave me his opinion only when I actually asked for it. There was a hardness and a stillness to uncle Vahlek that I had never noticed before. Of course, as a small child one does not see such things. But sitting alone with him in the house I felt the eerie thread of steel that seemed to hold him together. There was a tension that wound about him tightly. Even when he was relaxed he was ready.

I had started off by talking to him about my work, my job but as the evening progressed I found myself talking more and more about what was going on underneath it all. I talked about the training and teachings I was on the receiving end of.

“Do you not find this all a little strange, lei’lei?” he had asked when I had finished talking.

“Yes, but who wants to question the will of the Emperor and I like what I am learning. I just don’t know about the why of it.” I said.

He nodded. “I am surprised that they did not try to kill you when they found out you were a force sensitive.” He told me bluntly.

“It was that exact reason that saved my life, I think.” I replied. “It made Lord Vader curious. I think he sees me as some sort of pet project and I do my job so he has no real reason to complain.” I wondered how I could explain the eerie connection I had to the man almost everyone regarded as the second most evil being in the galaxy.

Uncle Vahlek had just sighed. “Well, there are many forces at work in this galaxy and truth be told, I have seen many things that went well beyond explanation or definition. Who is to argue with destiny?” he said. “A grain of sand blown by the wind has no idea of where it will end up, yet in the end it is still part of the desert. Without the single grain of sand, there is no desert.”

I had smiled at the saying. “Maybe,” I said. “But I feel as though I’m missing something. I sense it the way you know when someone is watching you but you don’t know who. I know there is more out there, I know that something will come, something huge but I just do not know what.” I said.

“The universe is bigger than you lei’lei, stop trying to solve all the mysteries at once.”

I had rolled my eyes. “You sound just like someone else I know.”

His response was to pat my hand and tell me to go to bed.

Two nights after this conversation, he had come down into the kitchen long after we had both said goodnight to find me sitting in the dark with my bone mask in my hands. I was crying.

“I’m sorry,” I had said hastily wiping the tears away. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“You did not, I was working not sleeping, just came down to make some tea, would you like some?”

I nodded and watched in silence as he pottered about the kitchen. When he had done and tea was made he sat across from me. The only light was the one that was over the stove. For a long time we just sat and sipped tea in a silence. That was the thing about uncle Vahlek, he was extraordinarily patient.

“Papa didn’t tell you much about what happened with Jyrki, did he?” I asked after a while.

Unlike Thrawn or even Navaari uncle Vahlek did not clench his jaw when something angered him, instead a terrible sense of stillness seemed to ripple around him, almost as though his anger became something he wore. “What he told me was sketchy, no details. Said that Jyrki had kidnapped you from the Imperial palace and held you captive for almost a month against your will.” He paused to and took a deep breath, “Kit was afraid to give me too many details because he was worried I might go after him.”

“What does that mean, go after him?” I asked suddenly shivering.

My uncle’s pale green eyes turned stony. “There are things about me you do not know, should not ever need to know, suffice to say that one of my many skills is finding people. Another of my many skills is dealing with them once they have been found.” He said.

“Are you a bounty hunter?” I asked in a hushed tone.

Uncle Vahlek curled his lip slightly as if the very notion was distasteful and shook his head. “No.” He drew a deep breath. “If I asked you not inquire further about this would you respect my request?” he asked.

“Yes, Zte’sa I would respect it.” I replied. The air seemed to shift and the relief I felt from him was almost palpable. It was my turn to ask him something. “If I asked you to go after Jyrki, to find him, would you?”

He regarded me very carefully and then answered. “Yes, but only if you requested it.” He frowned. “Is that what you want?”

“No.” I said after a moment. “No, because someone once told me that his fate and mine were tied together and I believe him. If this is the case then what happens now needs to happen on its own, besides it’s my fight.”

“When did you grow up?” he asked with a sigh.

I shrugged with one shoulder. He sat back in the chair, stared at the cup of tea and waited for me to start. When I began to tell him my story, I started with the Fete celebrations party and did not stop until I had told him everything, ending with my being back on Coruscant before I had gone off to Hjal. Occasionally he interrupted to ask for clarification on something and once or twice he had to wait for me to take a deep breath. While I was able to speak about it more openly than before the journey to Hjal, some things were still very difficult to express in words. When I had finished his anger was palpable.

“Now I understand why Kit was so careful with his words.” He said quietly.

I just looked at him. The silence in the kitchen was loud and it made me sad. My uncle broke it by changing the subject.

“The man you were with at this fete celebration, this officer you speak of, was he the one who gave you that necklace?” he asked.

I looked down at the little round pendant that was in my hands. Without even realising it I had played with it non-stop all the while I had spoken of my ordeal, just looking at it made me smile.

“Yes.” I said.

“Is he part of your connection to the Bone Traders?” he asked.

“How do you know all these things?”

Uncle Vahlek gave me one his rare and genuine smiles. “I am very good at reading people and every time you speak of something that troubles you your fingers reach for that pendant. When the name Dantassi comes up you caress it and you smile ever so slightly.” He drank from his cup and made a sideways head gesture. “Ma’arilite is very rare and very precious so who ever gave it to you obviously thinks a great deal of you. Your expression softens when you touch it. It comforts you, which tells me you have a good connection with him. I saw the same expression in your eyes when you spoke of the man who took you to this fete celebration and put many small clues together.”

I smiled and turned away from his gaze but then looked back at him when he chuckled.

“Is my little lei’lei being courted?” he teased.

I suddenly felt shy and pleased all at the same time. I tried to cover that up with a shrug. “Yes, maybe, I don’t know, it’s complicated, Zte’sa.”

“It usually is.” He replied knowingly. “But he makes you smile so I shall let him live.”

“Funny, Bel said the same thing.”

He laughed and poured us both more tea. He reached over and picked the bone mask up. Once more letting his fingers trace the carvings.

“This is a beautiful piece of work. It was made with much care and love. I envy you.” He said quietly. He didn’t elaborate and I didn’t ask. He handed the mask back to me. I turned it over in my hands, caressing it with my fingertips, still in awe of Navaari's work then laid it gently back on the table.

“The tea will help you sleep. I will be here all day tomorrow so we can talk more if you want to.” He said watching me carefull.

I grinned. This was his way of telling me to go to bed. I got up and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “Night Zte’sa, thank you.”

He smiled. “Sleep well lei’lei, I am quite sure the cuddle of jaxes that await you on your bed have done a good job of keeping it warm for you.”

I slipped out of the kitchen only turning around once to see him with my mask once again in his hands staring at it, deeply in thought.

My work for Lord Vader of learning all I could about the Skywalker boy was not forgotten. All the images I had been blessed with at the Lars’ farm had been dutifully entered into the data pad I had brought with me. In the quiet of uncle Vahlek’s spare bedroom I was able to sort through the images the little toy sky hopper had given me. I tried to write everything down in to some sort of coherent report. All the notes from what Tosche and Fixer had told me and all the little bits of information that I had slowly collected went into the data pad and slowly I began to get an idea of what this boy, Luke had been like. I mostly felt sorry for him.

I saw a boy with hair almost the same colour as the sand. He was lonely, quiet. He often dreamt of being a pilot. He had spent a great deal of time in the work room where I had found the toy, and like me he had had no idea who his birth parents were. The images had been jumbled mostly and I had seen him at various ages, as a very small boy to that of a young man. The sense of being different rippled around everything I had seen. He had known there was more out there but he hadn’t known how to get there. He had spent his whole life feeling as though he did not really belong. I wondered if that had changed for him now.

The images from the chulpa were far more specific, the burial of a woman, and those who had loved her speaking at her grave. The most powerful image was that of a young man, tears in his eyes and bitter anger burning at his heart. It had hurt to see this image. I wondered who he was. I wondered if the woman who had been buried was the same one that the Tusken warrior had spoken of. I wasn’t sure but I suspected it was Shmi Skywalker, if that was the case then was the young man her son? The one Tosche had spoken of, the Jedi? I tried to sort it all out and write it down coherently but mostly I was trying to add two and two and coming up with five. I wasn’t happy about this assignment any more. I didn’t want these memories, these images. The deeper I dug into it the more questions appeared, the more I had the sense that something big was coming. It was this reason that kept me from actually touching the wedding ring I had been given by the Tusken warrior, although I had pulled it out of my satchel to look at it many times. I could sense that what ever it had to show me would be painful beyond belief and I just wrapped it in a piece of cloth, hiding it away in safety. I wasn’t ready for what it had to give.

This gift of touch and sight was not strong and for most of my life the images shown to me were rarely so powerful that I felt them physically. These latest visions had been hard to bear and left me restless and sad. I had talked to my uncle about it the day he had stayed at home.

“They call it psychometry. It was a force power, the ability to pick up images and impressions from an inanimate object touched. To read a thing’s memories as it were. It is a rare ability.” He told me when I asked while I chopped vegetables for lunch and watched as he cooked.

“You knew I had this? How?”

“I used to bring you gifts, toys mainly when I would visit. Some were new but most were things I picked up along my travels. You almost always knew where the toy had come from before I ever had a chance to tell you. Sometimes you even knew the name of the person I had bought it from.” He drew a deep breath. “Once I gave you a small wooden doll. The moment you touched it you burst into tears and wept for hours. You kept calling for someone named Kika and it was only after I did some investigation that I discovered the doll had belonged to a small girl who had watched her older sister, Kika, die in a raid on her village. I knew then that I needed to be very careful when I bought gifts for you, that they needed to be new and not used. It didn’t happen all the time and mostly you did not seem bothered by the images and impressions but every now and then something you saw troubled you terribly.”

I remembered that doll. I could still see the images it had given me. My mother had taken it away and hidden it. I had been glad of that because the doll images I had seen had given me nightmares for months

“I had suspected that you were a force baby right from the very beginning. You were just different, we could all feel it. Kit didn’t want to see that though, didn’t want to acknowledge what you were. It took a lot of convincing to make sure he would not try to punish you every time you used your talents. That would have been the worst thing that anyone could have done to you. He didn’t particularly like the Jedi much. That you might have this same power, well he didn’t like that much at all. I think he was afraid for you. I told him that given time and patience you would learn to hide it on your own. I wasn’t wrong.” He sighed. “In my travels I met many Jedi, spent some time with a couple of them, and learned a little about their ways and the Force. During the Clone wars they all felt something was changing, just no one knew what. I remember hearing about the order that was given to cull them, that they were now enemies of the state. I could not believe it, didn’t want to believe it.” He shook his head. “We just did not know what your talents were and how strong you were. What we did know is that you needed to be kept hidden and safe, you didn’t make that easy though.” He told me. “On a job once, I met a man from Kiffu, an unusual Jedi who had the same gift you do. He had accidentally touched something of mine and knew more about me than my mother ever would. We talked about it while we travelled to Tatooine, it sounded awful.”

I sighed. “I’m glad it’s not my strongest gift and it’s pretty sporadic but sometimes it’s like being hit by a gaffi stick, especially lately.” I told him.

He nodded. “I never met anyone with that particular talent who was happy with it.”

“You seem to know a lot about this stuff.” I said, hesitant to ask the real question.

“Yes, well, we all have pasts.” His tone of voice said, do not ask so I didn’t.

“You said you knew some of the Jedi?” I asked. “What about Anakin Skywalker?”

Uncle Vahlek sat back down in his chair and drew a very deep breath and nodded. “The Chosen One, they all called him. The hero of the Clone Wars. He was killed on Coruscant, or so they say.”

I looked at him. “Anakin Skywalker really was the Chosen one? What does that mean? Why is it important?”

“Are you alright? You’ve gone as white as bleached bone.”

I got up suddenly from my chair, waking Maddy who clawed at me in protest as I brushed her from my lap. “Did you know him?”

“No, I never met him, I only knew him by reputation. The holonet was full of stories of his bravery. It was hard not to hear of him.”

“Papa said that a boy named Anakin Skywalker won the Boonta Eve classic pod race, are they the same? Was his mother someone named Shmi?” I asked. “A slave from Mos Espa?”

“I don’t know, but she may well have been, I know that Anakin was from Tatooine. It was a big story among the Jedi. A Master named Qui-Gon Jin found him, managed to set him free from slavery and took him to be trained at the Temple on Coruscant. Something that was almost unheard of because the boy was too old for their sort of training.”

“Did you ever meet this Qui-Gon Jin? What did he look like?”

“Once or twice. He was tall, had long hair, blue eyes and a beard. Very soft spoken…lei’lei, sit down, you look like you are going to pass out.” He got up and made me sit back down on my chair. “What is going on?” he asked.

I shook my head. “I don’t know. I have been having dreams, ever since Jyrki kidnapped me about a man who fits that description exactly. He comes to me asking about someone called the Chosen One. He mentioned the name Anakin once but I was never sure if he was this Chosen one or not. He keeps telling me I know the Chosen One but how is that possible if he is dead? These are just dreams and they are vague at the best of times. I tried to ask Lord Vader about but he did not wish to speak about the topic. I keep hearing this name over and over, first Jyrki saying that is was this Anakin who killed the kids at the Jedi Temple, then Sola Naberrie who said he was the Jedi assigned to protect the Queen, and everyone keeps telling me he’s dead. If he is dead why does his name keep coming back again and again to haunt me? What is his connection to the kid from the Lars’s homestead? None of this makes sense. I feel like I am missing something, something really important and it is starting to drive me mad.” I pinched the bridge of my nose and tried to stave off the white noise threatening to over run my head.

“Don’t push at it, when the answer is ready it will come.” He said gently. “Tell me about these dreams.”

So I did. He listened quietly and when I was done he said thoughtfully. “That sounds like Qui-Gon.”

“What happened to him?”

He sighed, “He was killed on Naboo, during the blockade crisis. You probably don’t know much about that do you?”

I shook my head. “Galactic history wasn’t really my strong point in school.”

He refilled our tea cups and began to tell me about the rise of Palpatine, about the blockade on Naboo, about the clone wars and the downfall of the Jedi. He spoke for hours telling me stories about this time period as though he had seen it all for himself.

“Was Palpatine right? Did the Jedi want to take over the government?”

He sighed. “I don’t know. It was a terrible time, very confusing. One day the clone warriors were fighting with the Jedi against the Separatists and the next day they were hunting the Jedi. The war was declared over and we were suddenly an Empire under the rule of Palpatine with the senate reduced to a puppet theatre. No one knew what had happened, what had hit them.” He shook his head. “I lost many friends in that war.” He said his voice suddenly full of sorrow. We were silent for a long time, only the hum of the refrigerator unit, the bubbling of the stew and the purring of the Jax on my lap broke the silence.

“I have to go to Mos Espa.” I said suddenly.

“Why?” he asked.

“Because that is where it all began.”

“I’ll take you in the morning then.” He said without even questioning why.

“I want to go alone.”

He shook his head. “No. Mos Espa is not a nice place and you don’t know your way around.”

“I’m not a little kid any more.” I said crossly even though what he had said was true. I had only been to Mos Espa once and that had been a long time ago.

“I know, regardless I’ll take you in the morning. I have business there I can do so you won’t have me baby sitting you the whole time but I won’t let go alone, your father would never forgive me if something else bad happened to you. You are damned lucky I let you go off into the desert on your own and that was only because Mej-mej is pretty vicious when she wants to be. Your strange meeting with the Ghorfa was risk enough. I’m not taking any more chances so don’t even think of fighting with me on this. You won’t win.” That edge was back in his voice.

I made a face but part of me knew he was right and although I didn’t want to admit it, his offer relieved me a little. I nodded. “Okay. But I have no idea what I am looking for, it could take a while.”

“Fair enough and I might be able to help you with that, I have a few connections.” He said sounding pleased but looking troubled. “We’ll start early, shuttle in and then maybe head out to Mos Eisley when we’re done, there are things I need to talk with Kit about, so pack your things okay?”

“Yes Zte’sa.” I said getting up. I was tired, it was very late and I got the strange feeling that this circular snake eating its tail was about to bump into something big.

Buried Deep, Scattered Wide 6

2006-03-30T07:56:00.000+02:00

It was hot. I was glad of the hooded cloak, the extra water and my Dantassi mask which helped to keep me cool. Mej-mej walked at a steady pace and I was surprised at how quickly we actually covered ground. By late afternoon, after stopping to shelter and rest from the midday heat, we came to the Lars homestead and it wasn’t a moment too soon. I ached from riding all day.

“Ta’dosh!” I told Mej-mej. She made a snorting sound and sank to her knees so that I could slide off her back. My legs were stiff and a little shaky. I was used to many things but riding a bantha was not one of them. I patted her and gave her some of the fruit treats Uncle Vahlek had provided me with. Then I looked around. I had about three hours of light left so what ever I was going to do I needed to do it now.

There was not much to see. The main building had been badly damaged and there wasn’t much left of it. I walked around the ruins and understood why uncle Vahlek had said the Sand People avoided this place. It tasted bad and made the hair on the back of my neck stand on end.

I made my way down into the underground part of the house and began to look around. Most people actually lived underground on Tatooine because it was cooler. What you saw on the surface was only a small part of the actual structure. There was nothing left. Anything and everything that could be taken had fallen to the scavengers. What had been left was either broken beyond repair or burnt rubbish. In the main open courtyard not even the décor had survived. As I went through the rooms, I felt as though I were the ghost not the other way around. I ran my fingers along the walls and tried to pick up anything I could but my ability to conjure images from inanimate objects was not always reliable. Of all my weird ways this gift was the weakest and I couldn’t force it. It did not surprise me that nothing sharp came to mind. There were vague images of people and sensations of fear and anger. The kitchen had been torn apart, all useable machinery removed, dishes scattered about the place and broken, the cupboards ripped apart and smashed. Each of the sleeping rooms was much the same, what was of no value was destroyed. Nothing personal remained, not even clothes. Tatooine was a hard planet and anything that could be salvaged or scavenged was taken.

With a sigh I went back outside and found the entrance to the workshop and speeder garage. There was not much else left in this place either. Machinery, tools or spare parts of any sort would have been stripped and sold. All that was left was a big mess. Both garages were empty except for a wamp rat had nested in the air speeder garage. I left it alone. Although they were small they were also vicious, especially when they had young. The main work shop was a wreck. I stepped over bits of twisted plastic and metal that was of no use. There were animal droppings and rubbish all over the place. I wasn’t going to find much here. I went to kick a bit of junk out of the way and stumbled over it instead because it didn’t move. I squatted down to look at it. It was a table peg, used to fix a work bench to the ground to stop it from rocking. I sighed and looked around. From this angle I saw things I had not seen while standing straight and one of them caught my eye, near the door under a piece of twisted dura plastic. I retrieved the toy, a small broken model of a sky hopper and gasped. Too fast, too jumbled for me to make immediate sense of them, the images tumbled one after the other through my head. When the onslaught had faded and I was returned to the here and now I got up. I tucked the broken toy in my pocket and left the work room.

Outside the light was starting turn from glaring bright to soft gold. I clicked my tongue and Mej-mej ambled to my side. I patted her flank and walked around the outside of the buildings again. Tosche had said there was a mourning marker and after a few moments I found it. I knelt down and looked at it. I was hesitant to touch it because I was still buzzing with the flashes from the broken toy.

People had left chullpas of various sizes and shapes draped across the rough hand made marker. A few of them were yellow with age, worn smooth by the sands, the carved markings no longer visible. I looked at the marker, a plain piece of durasteel, something had been etched onto it but so eroded by the elements that I could not decipher its meaning. I drew a deep steadying breath and reached out to touch it. To my surprise there was nothing. I laid my hand flat against it and concentrated but still there was nothing. I sat back on my heels and sighed. I then, out of curiosity began to touch the chulpas. Most of them were blank to me but one of the oldest suddenly set off a series of intense flashes. This time, unlike with the toy the images were more specific, far more powerful and centered around one moment in time, a burial. The vision knocked me flat on my ass. It was full of anger and pain, loss and regret. I let the breath I had been holding slowly out. No wonder the Sand People avoided this place. It was full of ghosts and sorrow.

I didn’t want to camp here over night although that had been my initial plan. Mej-mej nudged my arm breaking me out of my reverie. With a sigh I got up. The ability to ‘see’ from inanimate objects was draining but I didn’t know why. I brushed my fingertips over the carved Japor snippet once more but it had shown me all it was going to so I left it where it was.

The bantha knelt down allowing me climb back into the saddle. It was dangerous to travel the edge of Dune Sea at night but I wanted to get away from this place. I sat still leaning forward on Mej-mej’s back resting my head against her neck. The twin suns were setting and it was always a glorious sight to see. I was tired.

“Riy bunkie dunko” I told her in Huttese. Go home. She tossed her head and turned in the direction we had come from. I pulled my hood up over my head and absently touched the bone mask. It gave me a strange sense of security. As a rule, most sane people never travelled alone at night. The Sand People often had hunting parties out after dark. I had been raised on this planet, heard the stories, been given the warnings about how dangerous it was, but as I sat high up off the ground on a creature large enough to tear a small house apart if she wished, I didn’t care.

I had never travelled like this, alone so far out beyond a city limit after dark. It was awe inspiring. As every colour but the darkening blue faded from the sky, the stars began to shine. They were as bright as I could ever recall, reminding me of the night I had ridden back to the village with Navaari on Hjal, except these constellations were known to me. As Mej-mej walked towards uncle Vahlek’s home I leaned backwards against her broad back and stared up at the sky, looking for the twelve sisters, the laughing wrix and best of all, the great Krayt dragon. Only the one moon was up so far and its light was still watery and pallid. The shadows from the rising jagged hills of the Jundland Wastes were eerie.

Tatooine had three moons, Ghomrassen, Guermessa and Chenini. They did not all rise at the same time and they each had very different orbits so to have three full moons all at once was very rare. Tonight I would see Guermessa rise first, then Ghomrassen and only catch a glimpse of Chenini if I was still awake at about four in the morning. Tonight though, Chenini would be full. Ghomrassen was the largest of the moons, even when she was just a sliver of light she was still bright enough to cast shadows. Chenini was the smallest and had the largest elliptical orbit. For the longest time she was over looked by astronomers, her name meant forgotten sister.

The night was still, not even a whisper of wind which was unusual. One of the things that off worlders complained about the most was the constant winds. The only sounds I heard was my own breathing, the occasional howl of some creature in the distance and the rhythmic sound of Mej-mej’s feet in the sand as she walked. During the day I had thought mostly about the job ahead. What I would find at the farm, how it would look and where to find shelter during the midday zenith. The way back to uncle Vahlek’s home was filled with thoughts about the images I had been shown. They had been conflicting, and from two very different time periods. The problem with this gift was it was incoherent most of the time and I was not skilled enough to control it.

I pulled the toy sky hopper from my pocket and looked at it. My fingertips tingled touching it and I had to block the rush of images that threatened to overwhelm me. Mostly they were centered around a young boy, I wondered if this was Luke, I was certain it was but it was hard to tell with the visions sometimes. I tucked it away in the satchel I usually kept my mask in. I was tired and it had been an exceptionally long day. Mej-mej’s gate was regular and hypnotic and eventually I dozed lightly in the saddle. I never heard them approach.

Mej-mej stopped suddenly and made an eerie sound. I was suddenly very awake with all the hairs on the back of my neck standing on end. They had come up from behind, single file, soundless and deadly, a Tusken raiding party of seven. They manoeuvred their own bantha mounts to form a circle around me and they just waited silently.

Most settlers think that the Sand People are ignorant, backwater savages who are brutal for the sheer joy of it. The settlers shoot first and ask questions later, don’t take the time to learn the local customs and languages. Of course, the Sand people’s language is almost impossible for most non Tuskens to learn and in that I was no exception. It was a guttural language that no matter how hard I had tried learn or understand it, had never made any sense to me what so ever. Sometimes some of the more travelled Tuskens spoke Jawa or even Huttese.

I waited until the leader moved forward one step as was custom. I was masked, alone and unknown to them. They had no grounds to attack me and they didn’t know the risk at stake, there could have been more of my kind hiding. Tuskens were cautious, despite what everyone thought about them.

I nodded my head to the leader and signed a traditional greeting. He replied in kind, and then to my very great relief asked in a heavily accented Huttese what I was doing.

“I travel homeward.” I told him.

“The desert demands tribute.” He replied. The traditional way of saying that they wished the water rite to be observed, essentially I would buy my way out of a fight by offering them a full water skin. Uncle Vahlek had tied extra water skins to the saddle for just this occasion. I untied them and offered them to the leader.

He accepted and barked something to his men. I let the skins fall to the ground and watched quietly waiting to see what would happen next. While I hoped they would honour the water rite there was always a chance they would not. So I waited. Mej-mej made a slow low sound and I placed a hand on her neck.

“Na’shej’la, Mej-mej.” Be still, I whispered in Cheunh, the one language I was certain no one except me understood. I sent her calming thoughts. I could sense her willingness to defend if she had to but I was hoping it would not come to that. She stopped making noise and tossed her head from side to side, then settled down.

The Tusken leader looked at me for a long time. Not that either of us could see each other’s face. We were both masked. Then he said. “Your bantha serves you well.”

I stared at him and was suddenly angry. He had very deliberately insulted me.

“Mej-mej, ta’dosh.” She hesitated just a second and then sank to her knees. The Sand people remained on their own mounts and watched carefully. I was well aware of the sudden rise in tension in the air but didn’t care. I slid down from the saddle and went to stand to the side of the leader, so that he could see me and where the others also could see. I heard Mej-mej get back up and move to stand at my side.

“She is not my bantha.” I told the leader. “She does not belong to me. She belongs to the desert and the sky, to the wind and the sand. She permits me the honour of her company and she carries me by her own will. ”

There was a long moment of silence and then the Leader spoke a command, his bantha lifted one of his front legs and the Tusken warrior dismounted with as much grace as any palace dancer. He came to stand in front of me and I had to push at Mej-mej to get her to step back.

The Tusken warrior looked at me, walked around me, studying me. I was not what he had expected.

“You are not like the others.” He said, his oddly accented words sounding harsh and threatening to me. “You have the bearing of a hunter, a warrior and your mask tells stories. You speak of the desert and your bantha companion with much honour. You know our ways and you respect the path of the Ghorfa.” He said.

“The desert is a living thing; it and its people deserve my respect. I have earned my mask and my place amongst the Mathäd’antass’Iyantha through hunt and ritual. Mej-mej honours me with her friendship. It is what it is. ” I answered.

He regarded me for a long time through the strange goggled mask he wore. Ghomrassen rose three quarters full behind him. The moon’s light shone off my mask, causing the whiteness of the bone to glow, making my face ghost like and luminous.

“You are human.” He said looking directly into my eyes.

I nodded.

“Will you allow me to see your true face so that we may tell of you, let others know you are welcome amongst the sands, given right to go freely without fear.”

I was a little hesitant about this, unsure of the Dantassi policy on this sort of thing. Then I decided that given the circumstances and my lack of education on bone trader etiquette and regulations in this area I needed to make my own rules. I removed my mask and pulled back the hood on the cloak. Moonlight bathed my face, shone on my long hair and I welcomed it.

There was a ripple of shock and murmurs from the Tusken raiders but a single hand gesture from their leader silenced them.

“You are female.” He stated. While this had caused a stir amongst his men, he had not been surprised by this, in fact if anything I had gotten the distinct impression he was expecting this.

I put my mask back on and nodded. “I am Akiana’myshk’apavjäska, clan daughter of Kirja’navaar’inkjerii and Ta’kasta’cariad to Nikätza’arth’pavjäska.” I told him. “On this world I am Merlyn Gabriel, daughter to Kitga'ar and Eri’ Gabriel of Mos Eisley, and nahlei’lei to Vahlek Akosh and Bedi Nuale.”

He nodded at the recital of my lineage, such as it was. “We will remember you and pass the word along. You have shown much courage here tonight and we do not forget. As you have entrusted me so I give you my name.” then he spoke it twice once slowly and once at normal speed I repeated it once and he nodded that my version was acceptable.

“I am an honoured hunter to my tribe and I have waited a long time to meet you.” He said. I was puzzled but remained silent.

He drew from underneath his clothing something wrapped in a piece of cloth. He unwrapped it slowly and I saw a simple ring on a leather thong. He held it out to me, laid in the flat of his palm and allowed me to take it from him. I picked it up by the leather and didn’t touch the ring at all. It looked like a wedding band. The last thing I wanted was to deal with any images, visions this thing had to offer.

“It was foretold to me that I would meet a warrior girl with a ghost face. That she would know our ways and walk our path, and that she would be willing to accept the gift of pain.” He told me. “I have been carrying this burden for a long time. Before your time, there was a farmer who would not honour our ways, shot at our people, did not respect the desert.” He gestured to general direction I had come from. “The hunters from the tribe took the woman who belonged to him and held her as payment. It is our way.” He paused for a moment and watched my reaction when I didn’t give any he continued. “One night the devil from the dark came to take her. He slaughtered every single member of the tribe, men, women and children, showed no mercy. The foot prints in the sand were human, male. He killed with a sword of light. I was a boy, on a hunting party. We saw from the far away his death dance of light but could not arrive in time to stop the demon. After that night much war was waged between the Ghorfa and the off worlders.”

I kept silent. His story made me shiver. I had heard rumours, tales told about this desert demon wielding a sword of fire which had torn the Sand People apart and of the terrible retribution that followed but I had always thought, like most of the people I knew, that these were just myths and campfire legends. Things your parents said to keep you in line. You better behave or the B'Thazoshe Demon would come and get you with his weapon of light and drag you off forever to be his slave, if he doesn’t eat you first. If there had been strife before between the settlers and the Ghorfa after this event it had come to all out war.

He broke the silence and continued. “I found it left in the sand in the ruins of the tent where the woman was held. It was her token. I do not know what it means, but it was of value to her. I have carried it with me as a reminder that all outsiders are to be hated, to be killed, that they are vicious, mindless creatures, who do not respect the wills and ways of the living desert. To remind me of what off worlders are capable of, but tonight I see a different face and I know I can now pass this burden to you. I must no longer carry this memory, this pain, now it is yours.” He said. “You have given me my freedom.”

I looked at the ring dangling on the leather thong and then slipped it in my satchel.

“I am sorry for your loss.” I told him.

“The desert reclaims its own.” He replied. “You are of two worlds and there is much mystery about you. I see that you seek answers and your questions are your burdens. Answers will come to you when you do not expect it but they will not bring you happiness or peace. You are now known to us, Girl of the Ghost Face.” He said, “Go your way in safety.”

He mounted his bantha with an ease I envied and before I could even think to say another word he and his fellow hunters vanished single file back into the night. I watched them with a mixture of disbelief and awe. Only when I could no longer see them did I ask Mej-mej to kneel down so that I could scramble up into the saddle again.

“Riy bunkie dunko, Mej-mej, let’s get the hell out of here and go home.” I whispered. All I wanted now was to be some place safe and familiar. The whole event had had a terrible surreal quality to it, as though I were dreaming. It had unsettled me and left me feeling lost. Mej-mej sensed my need and she hurried. We were back before dawn.

I took off her saddle and made sure she had food and water before I went inside. The door was not locked and the spare bed had been made ready for me. He had expected me home. I stripped off my clothes and crawled under the covers. I slept like a baby. No dreams, no nightmares and interruptions. I woke mid morning to the scent of spiced coffee.

I had planned to return to Mos Eisley right away but the meeting with the Sand People had shaken something in me. Over spiced coffee and some fruit I had asked if I could stay for a few more days. For a long moment uncle Vahlek had just stared at me, as though he could dig beneath my lack of explanations and find the truth merely by looking at my face.

“Of course, just let your father know.” Uncle Vahlek answered. “I am happy to have you here.” I searched for any hint of untruth but there was none.

I had contacted my father and told him of my plans. He had not asked why and I had not elaborated. Once we were done talking he had wanted to speak with Vahlek. I had left the two to their conversation and went into the living room to curl up on the couch. I was stiff and sore from the long ride and I was still tired. As soon as I got my self comfortable, Maddy who had become my constant companion jumped up on my lap. Uncle Vahlek joined me in the sunken floor room, sitting in the chair adjacent to me and drank his coffee.

“What happened last night?” he asked. “I noticed the water skins are gone and I am sure even you cannot drink that much.”

I drew a deep breath and let it out noisily. He waited. I wondered where to even start and remembered Navaari’s words. Start at the very beginning and do not stop until the words have done their job. So I told him about the entire journey from start to finish. I repeated almost word for word the conversation I had had with the Tusken leader and then I waited.

“This ring, did you touch it?” he asked.

I shook my head. “No.”

He just nodded thoughtfully but didn’t comment further.

“It was the strangest thing.” I said when I was finished. “Have you ever heard of them doing anything like this?”

Uncle Vahlek shook his head. “No, as a rule they avoid all contact with anyone not Ghorfa unless they are trading or killing. I do know they are a deeply superstitious people with many beliefs and customs. It sounded to me as though this meeting was part of some prophecy and you along with it. Stranger things have happened.”

I sighed. “My life just keeps getting weirder and weirder.”

“Forgive me for saying, lei’lei but your life started out pretty unusual to begin with.” Uncle Vahlek smiled. “Well, stay as long as you like. If I understood what your father was trying to tell me without actually telling me anything, you need the rest.”

Was that it? I just needed a holiday, no drama, no seduction, no violence and no threats? I nodded. “He’s right, I do.”

He got up. “I have errands to run, and groceries to buy. I will be back in a couple of hours. When you are ready you can tell me about what your father would not. I do not like all these secrets and hints of things that perhaps I should know.” He said.

I looked at him for a moment. “Okay.” I said.

He patted me on the head as though I were six. “Sleep, you are safe here.” I wonder what he would have said had I told him how many times I had heard those words lately.

I closed my eyes and absently stroked Maddy slowly. I could hear uncle Vahlek move about the kitchen and I heard when he left the house. Its silence settled about me like a blanket and I remembered why I loved my home world so much. I don’t know if it was just being in a place of peace and quiet or that the rhythmic purring of the Jax was hypnotic or if it was a nice combination of both but almost as soon as I closed my eyes I slept and I dreamt.

I had traveled across the desert to come to a small house tucked away in the hills on the very edge of the Jundland Wastes, near the Dune Sea’s edge. I didn’t know why I had come here only that I was drawn to it the way a thirsty man is drawn to water. I walked into the house and was not surprised to find that I was not alone. It was the same long haired man from previous dreams. He had been waiting for me.

“Sit.” He said and I did.

“Where is the Chosen One?” he asked.

“I don’t know who that is.”

He sighed. “Yes, you do and he needs your help.”

I frowned. “You make no sense.” I told him, annoyed.

“He lost his way. He lost his soul and I could not help him.” He sounded incredibly sad.

I shook my head. “Who are you? Why do you keep coming to me?”

“I am the teacher looking for the student, the student looking the teacher. I do not seek you out, you come to me.” He said.

I got up, angry with the cryptic answers. “What do you want from me?”

“It is you that seeks answers from me.” He said. “You have many questions.”

I paced back and forth. “Who are you?” I asked again.

“That is the wrong question.” He told me patiently.

“Who is the Chosen One?”

He shook his head.

Exasperation made me cross. “Who am I?” The words falling from my mouth before I could even consider them

He smiled. “That is the right question.” He said. “The answers await you in the place where it all began.”

“A map might be helpful.” I told him.

He laughed, his blue eyes twinkled. “Go to the beginning, what you seek will find you.” He spoke softly and he turned his back to me signalling this discussion was over. I stood staring at his back for a long time but he said nothing more. I left the small hut to walk back out into the desert and instead I found myself looking at the city of Mos Espa. It was in this moment I woke up.

Mos Espa, I thought as I sat up. Wasn’t that the place where Anakin Skywalker had won the Boonta Eve Classic? Is that what he had meant, I would find answers to the Skywalker question there? Who am I? What sort of a question was that? I felt as though I were a snake eating its own tail. Everything was going around in circles.

Buried Deep, Scattered Wide 5

2006-03-27T09:07:00.000+02:00

I stepped out of the shuttle at Wayfar and looked around. It had been a long time since I was here and at first glance nothing much had changed. Wayfar is a tiny place on the edge of the Dune Sea very close to Jabba’s Palace. A lot of the Palace workers who didn’t want to live there stayed in Wayfar but that didn’t help the place out much. It was not the prettiest town on the planet, or the safest. The wind had picked up. Sand made its way into everything, even my mouth. I had forgotten about the taste and feel of grit between my teeth was like. It made me laugh but it wasn’t pleasant.

I had decided on bringing my Dantassi clothes, because they were light weight and easy to move in. I wore the light weight hooded coat for the trip. My mask hung across my shoulder in its satchel and the light weight back pack was filled with only what I would need, clothes, water, food and the bare essentials. I had weighed bringing my culling staff but in then decided against it, the weapon was unusual enough it would raise questions.

At my father's suggestion and as part of the compromise I had agreed to, I was to meet a very old family friend, someone who was not only familiar to me, that I trusted but also someone who could help directly. Vahlek Akosh was my Dajdofa’zte’sa. I did not know what the basic translation for that word was and I had always just called him Zte’sa or uncle. He had sworn to take the responsibility for my life should anything ever happen to my parents.

I did not see my uncle Vahlek all that often, he travelled a great deal and was, of all the people in my life, the most mysterious. He breezed in and out of our lives like wind. My father rarely spoke about him in much detail but he was always welcome in our house when he visited. I had adored him as a small child because he always had some sort of animal with him, usually a baby that he was training, and he always brought me really interesting and strange gifts. I didn’t have to worry about looking for him in the crowd at the shuttle port because he recognized me right away.

“Lei’lei, there you are!” He said using his childhood nick name for me, a derivative of the word for Nahlei’lei which roughly translated to basic it meant gift child or niece. He was a tall, lithe, fierce looking man with weird pale, green eyes and long, very straight, white hair. I had never seen him without the two day’s worth of stubble which never quite hid the long jagged scar running from jaw to temple on the left side of his sharp, angular face. He grasped me by both shoulders and pulled me into a hug. “Look at you, quite the young lady, all grown up and lovely.” His husky voice was soft and warm.

I looked up into his pale eyes and grinned. I had not seen him in a very long time, but he had not changed a bit, well his hairline was receding and his face was more weathered looking but that was all. “Zte’sa Vahlek, it is good to see you again.” I said.

He bowed his head in acknowledgement and then began to cover his face up with a scarf. “We must hurry, this wind brings a storm with it and my home is an hour’s walk. I’d have brought the speeder but with this wind and the sand it would have broken down, by foot is the best way to go.”

“I didn’t know you lived out here, if I had I would have come to visit when I worked at the palace.” I said as we began to head away from the shuttle port.

He nodded. “I did not own the house at that time.” He told me then added tartly. “If I had known you were working for Jabba out here I would have skinned your backside, though. I was glad to learn you were smart enough to get out of there while you could. Lucky for you I was off world and out of contact at the time.”

I shot him a look. “It wasn’t so bad!” I protested.

“Hmm.” He told me gruffly “You say that but you don’t believe it. I know the palace well enough to know it was not the right place for you. I was very shocked to hear you were dancing there. Your mother would have been horrified. She did not raise you for that sort of a life.”

“Well, I stopped.” I said defensively. One of the things I had forgotten about uncle Vahlek was his sharp tongue and no nonsense manner.

He stopped walking for a moment to look at me and I shrank back from his stare. “Yes, you did. There is hope for you yet.” He relented a little. We continued to walk towards the city gate. “I had not planned on buying a house out here, but it was time to settle just a bit. Your father told me about the property and it was perfect for my needs.”

I was not unhappy to leave Wayfar; it was a place of many memories for me from when I had worked out at the Palace, some of them not all that happy. Uncle Vahlek had not been far off the mark in chastising me for taking a job there but that didn’t mean I liked to hear about it. I drew my hood over my head to shade my face from the burning suns and the strengthening wind. We were about five minutes out of the city walls when the sting of the sand against my face annoyed me enough to pull out my Dantassi mask and slip it on. Uncle Vahlek watched this action with great interest but did not say a word.

The trek to his house led us into the rocky edge of the Dune Sea and walking in the sand dunes in between the stony parts was taxing. I remembered Navaari’s comment about my ability to walk through the snow. It had not occurred to me at the time that sand and snow were very similar. By the time we were half way to his home the sand storm was building up to be nasty. I could see the dark ribbon of what was to come off in the distance and the occasional flash of dry lightening. I hoped it would not last long. Sometimes these storms could last for days. It hadn’t been forecast but that never meant much. The winds and the sands seemed to take a huge delight in doing the exact opposite of what the weather bots predicted. We reached his house shortly before midday and I was grateful to get indoors to where it was cool and sheltered from the wind.

In the entrance hall I shook off the sand from my clothes and removed my mask. I was about to slip it back into the satchel when uncle Vahlek held out his hand, silently asking to look at it. I watched as he turned it over in his hands, studying the markings carefully. His fingers traced the carvings Navaari had recently added and I could not decipher the look on his face. He handed it back to me without saying anything and I followed him down the hall and found myself in a large, warm kitchen. I was greeted by three curious jaxes who came to running to greet him, mewling loudly, with their tails straight and high.

“Maddy, Mayhem and Kahvi.” He said telling me their names. I took off my cloak and hung it over the back of one of the kitchen chairs. He put the kettle on the stove to boil water and I drew from my backpack the gift I had brought for him from my father.

“Papa said he promised this to you.” I handed him the small box.

Uncle Vahlek took it from my hands. “Ah yes, black Koyish tea and Teki spice from Iridonia. I never know how your father does it but he always manages to find me some.” He put it on one of the shelves above the stove. “Spice coffee or mint tea?” he asked. “I’ll get lunch ready in a bit, I expect you are hungry.”

“Spice coffee, please.” I said and sat when he indicated me to do so. I immediately had a jax jump in my lap. The orange one he had called Maddy. She curled up lap and began to purr loudly as I absently stroked her fur.

“You’ve still got a way with the critters, I see. The jaxes don’t normally like strangers, usually run and hide when I bring someone in they don’t know.” He said setting cups on the round, worn wooden table.

His home was welcoming and warm. It was clean and tidy, decorated with all manner of curious artwork and strange artefacts. In the open throughway between the kitchen and the living room was a mobile that hung from the mid beam. I studied it carefully. It was made from long bones decorated with feathers and its main piece was a human looking skull.

“A Sayormi mobile.” He said watching my gaze. “Supposed to bring good luck and ward off evil spirits.” He said, “It was a gift.”

“It’s very intriguing.” I told him.

“Yes, you, of all people, would find it of interest.” He said then after a moment’s pause added, “The mask, your father has no idea does he?”

I shook my head. “I wouldn’t even know where to begin explaining it all to him, he'd probably flip out. You know how papa gets sometimes.”

Uncle Vahlek shrugged. “Never knew the Bone Traders were ones to be taking in strays.” He said. “You’ve not been with your tribe long though.”

“Not really, no.” I said. “You seem to know a lot about them.”

He shook his head. “More than the average person, I expect, and probably less than you. I know enough to give respect. They go their own way mostly, but I have crossed paths with some of their kind from time to time. That is not unexpected in my line of work.” He poured spiced coffee and I accepted the cup gratefully wondering, not for the first time, exactly what his line of work was. I had asked a few times when I was younger what he did for a living and was never given a straight answer. I once made the mistake of badgering my father about it until he had crossly told me it was none of my business, then relenting his hard words had mumbled something about Vahlek being good with animals and a bit of a wanderer. After a while I had stopped asking.

He sat down across from me and studied me carefully. I was not the little girl he remembered and my connection with the Dantassi had unsettled him. “I know they look after their own, that they are not to be crossed and they are not at all what they appear to be. It would seem that neither are you.” He said.

I didn’t know what to say. He was right.

He regarded me for a moment with his pale green eyes. “I’ve known you all your life and from day one you were always a little mystery. I still remember as clear as crystal the day we found you.” He said.

“You were there?”

“Yes, I suppose your father never mentioned that, did he?”

I shook my head. “I only learned the truth about it all just before I went off world and he didn’t mention you. Well he didn’t get into a lot of specifics. I don’t think he knew how to tell me and it was a bit of a jumble.”

“Yes, indeed, he contacted me shortly after you left to let me know he had finally told you. Should have been spoken of sooner rather than later but done is done.” He nodded. “Your father was always one to keep a closed mouth and he had his reasons for keeping my name out of it. I have my own past, one that I prefer to keep to myself, although it does seem that one’s past has a way of following one around.” He said quietly. Then he continued. “I can still remember that night as if it were yesterday, myself, Bedi, and Kit all sitting in the living room looking at you in your mother’s arms. I had never seen Eri’ so happy or so worried. We discussed what to do for many, many hours and in the end everyone decided that Kit and Eri’ adopting you as their own was for the best. I remember the moment of when your father realized that he now had a daughter, how proud he was and how scared he was. I remember the love in your mother’s eyes when she realised that she had finally been given a child, even if you were not her flesh and blood, she loved you as if you were. When Kit and your mother asked if Bedi and I would be your Dajdofa guardians, well, I was, we were honoured, although as a guardian, I don’t know that I have actually done a very good job at it.” He paused. “It was me who arranged the paperwork, got the birth certificates and forged adoption papers done up.” He shook his head. “I should have been there for you more often, especially after Eri’ was killed.”

“Wait, Bedi is also my Dajdofa Guardian?” I asked. This was the first I had heard of this.

He nodded. “They never told you that?”

I sighed. “No, I suppose the only reason they told me you were was I asked why I should call you uncle when you aren’t even related to anyone in the family. Bedi was just always there, she worked for my dad. I never thought there was anything more.”

He rubbed his forehead. “I’m sorry you have to find all this out now and in this way.”

“Why keep all of this a secret, why? I don’t understand it.” I asked.

“We all felt that some things were better left unsaid, especially at that time. From the note your mother had left with you, it was pretty clear she thought you were unique. She had written it in haste and she was frightened.”

“Did you read it? Do you remember what it said?” I asked.

“Wasn’t much to read. It said ‘Her name is Merlyn and she is very special. Please love her as I do and protect her from those who would harm her for what she is.’ Maybe we were wrong not to search even more than we did for who had left you, I don’t know. I just know we were all concerned for you. A tiny baby abandoned by a mother so scared by something she was willing to give you up to total strangers. I do not doubt that she chose the time and the place and the people who would find you very carefully. It was not a random act, but still it was a terrible risk. The Jedi were being hunted to extinction and we were hearing stories that all force sensitive children were being taken. None of us knew what that meant but it didn’t sound like a pleasant thing. We buried the truth and hoped you would go unnoticed.”

I just stared at him. Every time I turned around another piece of this story, this little puzzle unwound itself. I just sighed.

He continued. “I remember once, when you were no more than a titch, you hardly come up past my knees that the baby bantha I had with me that day took to you as though you were its mother.”

I smiled at that memory, I had forgotten about it. We were still living out in the house near Bestine. His baby bantha was twice my size and had chased after me, nudging me in the back every time it had caught up to me, licking me with its huge sticky tongue, wanting to play. We had spent hours at that game.

“I always knew you were special but that day confirmed it for me.” He said. “So, it does not surprise me that the Bone Traders would take you in or that you would travel far in the Galaxy, although that you would end up working for the man who helped to wipe out the Jedi is an odd twist of fate.”

“The Dantassi say nothing happens by accident.” I said.

“So they do.” He said. “Perhaps you will tell me about your association with them some day. I would very much like to hear it.”

I just looked at him. He was right I had known him all my life and although his visits had been infrequent they had been special. I always thought of him as eccentric, now I learned he was much, much more. There was something he wasn’t telling me about himself, something secret and dark he wanted to keep hidden. But now I was a mystery to him, with secrets of my own. I guessed that the keeping of secrets ran in my crazy family. The thought made me smile.

“Perhaps.” I said after a while.

He sat back in the chair and changed the subject. “Why do you want a mount? There isn’t anything out there but sand, critters, bones and the Ghorfa.” He asked, using the Sand People’s own name for them selves.

“I am looking for information about a boy named Skywalker.” I told him plainly.

“Funny how that name keeps getting bandied about.” He said but didn’t elaborate. “Taking that as you want to head out to the Lars farm then?”

“That was the idea.” I said, wondering how he knew.

“Why? The farm was destroyed.” He asked.

“I might be able to learn something anyway.” I said.

“Ah, yes, one of your gifts. I remember that one very well. Are you sure you want to go out alone? I’d be happy to go with you.”

I shook my head. “No, I need to do this on my own, I don’t know why, I just do. Please?”

He sighed and made a face which said he didn’t like the idea much. “Well, doubtful the Ghorfa will bother you out there, they avoid that place. Say it’s haunted, cursed.”

“Why is that?” I asked.

Uncle Vahlek shook his head. “I don’t know exactly, they won’t talk about it, steer clear of the area as well as the place where the Jawa transport was attacked. Tell stories of bad spirits and desert demons.” He paused to sip his coffee. “Your father wasn’t very specific about your needs when he asked if I could help.” He said. “So, I like to know what’s going on before I let anyone take one of my critters, even you.”

“Papa doesn’t know the specifics.” I said. “Hell, even I don’t know the specifics. I was asked to find information, nothing more and nothing less. If that means I need to go visit this wreck of a farm then that’s what I have to do. Lord Vader gets a bit tetchy when he doesn’t get what he wants.” I was going to win an award for understatement of the year.

“Your father and I go way back. He doesn’t speak of our past much I suspect but when he needs my help he has it and as my nahlei’lei, so do you.” He was silent and we both looked up as a strong gust of wind made the house shudder. “Good job you got to Wayfar when you did, looks like you’ll be here for a bit. This storm’s building to be a bastard.”

“The ones they don’t forecast are always bad.” I agreed, and then asked. “How do you know papa?”

“I met him years ago off world, long before you came into the picture, long before he met your mother and settled down into a respectable living. He saved my life.” He said. “Then, about a year later I saved his life and two years after that he saved mine again. We seemed destined to be saving each other’s hides.” He paused. “Somewhere along the line we became friends.”

“I never knew that.” I told him. “He doesn’t speak about you much. Come to think of it he doesn’t speak about himself much at all.”

Uncle Vahlek smiled. “Do you ask?”

I looked up at him and shook my head. “No, Zte’sa, I guess I don’t.”

He gave me a look that said, ‘well there you go.’ Maddy shifted on my lap, looking for a more comfy position and Kahvi rubbed herself around my ankles. I leaned down to scratch the black jax between the ears.

“This storm will blow itself out by tomorrow, but till then you’re stuck here. Got a spare room downstairs, bed’s made and clean. ‘Fresher is through past the living room, to the left.” He said. “Over lunch, if you want, I can tell you some stories about your old man.” I nodded and he got up, “Right then, let me show you around.”

Just as he had predicted the storm exhausted itself out sometime in the very early morning. I woke up to the sound of purring jaxes, all three of whom complained loudly when I decided to get up.

I slipped on my cloak and went outside. This was one of my favourite times of day, although it was rare for me to be awake this early to actually experience it. The dawn sky was a soft velvety blue blushed with the faint pinks of the rising suns, the in between time. I sat on the sandy steps which led up to the front door and watched the suns rise for the first time in since I had returned to Tatooine.

I breathed the air in deeply, there is a moment when the night has passed and the morning has not yet begun when the air has a scent to it that always made me think of the word clean. As though no one had yet breathed this air in and out, that it had somehow been scrubbed new by the night and the suns’ heat had not yet managed to change the smell and taste of it all.

As the light slowly took over the sky, I watched the colours of the desert change, from a strange silvery blue to a soft glowing gold. These moments of quiet and solitude were rare and I treasured them. This had been part of the reason I had often escaped to the bluffs above Mos Eisley, much to my father’s annoyance and spent the whole night just watching the stars and waiting for the dawn, waiting for that moment of perfect stillness, and new, fresh air.

The quiet was broken by the snuffling sounds of an animal near by. I got up off the steps and walked a little ways past the front of the house. Around the side was a large bantha, probably looking for water and food. I smiled when I saw her because she was beautiful. It never occurred to me that standing in front of a creature that could have killed me with a single stomp of her foot might not be the best idea in the world. I knew no fear of these animals and I sensed no fear from her.

We watched each other for a long time, she sniffed the air, getting my scent and I stayed still letting her sort out whether or not she would stay or go. I relaxed and let my weirding sense touch her a little, sending thoughts of calm and peace. I was not a threat.
I guess she figured this out and in the end decided to approach me. What surprised me, more than anything else, was not her acceptance of my presence, that was normal for me and most animals, but when she knelt down to lie in the sand in front of me. This was how Uncle Vahlek found me when he came looking for me, sitting on the sand in the rising suns’ light talking to and petting a bantha as though she were one of his jaxes. She alerted me to his presence by jerking her head up and making a very odd growling sound that came deep from the back of her throat. I stood up and she did too. He looked at me with a smile.

“I see she still remembers you. Nor do I need to help you find a companion for your trek to the Lars’ farm.” He said. “Her name is Mej-mej which is Zabraki for little sister.” Upon hearing her name she ambled over to uncle Vahlek and head butted against him. “Come, dress, have breakfast and I will make sure you are all set to go. I feel better now that I know she will take care of you.”

After a good breakfast, and some quick lessons on how to guide Mej-mej I was ready to go. I had a datapad map with the way point plotted in. I also had an old fashioned way finder. Uncle Vahlek had attached additional water pouches to the saddle and given me a vibro lance that also attached to the large and surprisingly comfortable saddle.

“If you happen to meet Ghorfa along the way, offer them the gift of water.” He said. “But you should be left alone, especially if you are also masked.” He nodded at my satchel I wore slung across my shoulder.

He gave Mej-mej a pat and spoke the word for down. She knelt on the sand and allowed me to climb up into the saddle.

“I expect to see you back here by tomorrow morning, tomorrow night at the very latest. You have a comm, so keep in touch. If I don’t see you then, I’ll come looking for you but that won’t make me happy.” He said.

“Yes, Zte’sa. Don’t worry; I am pretty good at taking care of myself when the odds are more or less fair.”

He nodded. “Yes, someday you’ll have to tell me about that. Now go before it gets too late, and remember drink enough.”

“Will do. See you when I see you.” I gave Mej-mej a nudge with my heels and we were off. I did not look back.

Buried Deep, Scattered Wide 4

2006-03-24T09:23:00.000+01:00

I was in the middle of fixing an old swoop bike when someone squatted down beside me.

“I hear you’re looking for Luke Skywalker.” The voice was rough and gravely.

I got out from under the bike and sat up, wiping the grease from my hands.

“Well more like being nosey about his life here, actually. “ I said looking up.

“Name’s Fixer, Tosche said you were asking about him, said you had a big interest in local history and the like.” He said holding out his hand. I stood up and shook it.

“Merly.” I said introducing myself. “Yeah I like history, especially about this place and its folk. Though if I were to be honest I’d call it gossip, you know. Can I get you something to drink?”

The tall, stocky man nodded. “That be nice, sure is hot.”

I laughed. “It’s always hot here.”

He ran a hand through his unkempt dark hair and grinned. We headed into the office and I poured two cups of Bel’s iced coffee.

“Tosche wasn’t specific about what you wanted to know, you doing a story on Skywalker or something? I mean is the information worth something?”

“Could be I guess, never thought about it actually.” I said carefully.

“I heard from Tosche that you’re a good mechanic.” He said. “But I haven’t seen you around.”

“I do okay, been off world for over a year.” I told him, “Tosche said the same about you. I didn’t know you worked out at the station, but I haven’t been out there in a long time either.”

He laughed. “Yeah, Tosche don’t call me Fixer for nothing.” He said. “He gave me my first break actually, and then gave me a job. He’s been good to me. He even doesn’t mind that I’m building a podracer on the sly.” He told me proudly.

“You race?” I asked. “I thought the Empire forbid that.”

He grinned. “The Empire doesn’t know spit about what goes on out here, sister. You think they care about a few Rimmers breaking their necks? Besides I ain’t building it to race, I want to sell the thing. I’m getting married and need the cash for the wedding.”

“Oh, well congrats on the engagement then. How can I help you then?” I asked wondering what exactly it was he wanted because he wasn’t actually asking for cash, yet.

“Well, I need a specific part for the racer and Tosche said your dad probably had one to spare. Said your dad keeps all sorts of old parts. Tosche didn’t have what I needed and to order it will cost a fortune. I was thinking maybe we could barter, my stories for the part I need.”

“Well, I’d have to know what the part is. My dad would skin my hide if I gave away something worth a small fortune.” I grinned.

He told me and I laughed. “You can’t find that?”

“Not for this particular engine.” He said handing me the data pad with the part’s image and number on it. “They haven’t been made in years. No one I know around has one. So do you?”

“Let me look.” I left him in the out office with Bel while I went into the store room and searched through the spare parts.

The spare parts room was larger than average because Tosche was right, my father horded engine parts. I guess that’s where I got it form as well. I loved this room, its smell, its atmosphere and its charm. I found what he wanted at the bottom of one of the wall to ceiling shelving units. It was a small thing but Fixer was right, they didn’t make them anymore for the engine he had and without it his engine wouldn’t work. My dad had three of them tucked away so I didn’t think one missing would be a big deal. Brand new still in its original package I carried the little part back into the office.

“This is what you want, yeah?”

His face lit up. “I never thought I’d see one of those, still packaged.” I handed it to him and grinned. Only mechanics got that crazy look in their eyes when they held a much desired engine part in their hands.

“My father is a big packrat. He keeps all kinds of crazy things. I have to fix this stupid swoop, come and talk to me about Luke while I finish up?”

“Sure thing, can I get a coffee refill, this stuff is good.?”

He sat in the dust beside me and talked while I tinkered with the old bike. He fleshed out a lot of Luke’s childhood for me and the tone of his voice let me know that while they had known each other, he had not considered Luke as a friend so much, more like an annoyance that hung around with him and the others. He was like that younger kid brother who tagged after the big kids. I felt sorry for this Luke. His life sounded pretty rough and lonely.

“It’s too bad Biggs ain’t around any more, he and Luke were really good friends. He could have told you more. I never had much time for Wormie, really.” He said rubbing his square chin. “Anyway, I heard that after his aunt and uncle were killed he went off world. I have no idea what happened to him after that. He’s not the letter writing type and we weren’t that close.”

He had talked for the better part of two hours and at the end of it I felt as though I almost knew Luke myself. He might not have liked the Skywalker kid all that much but Fixer was a good story teller.

“How’s Nate doing?” Fixer asked after I had tested the Swoop’s engines and then shut them off.

“Good, I think, I don’t see him much though. He’s busy so we tend to trade off. I work when he’s doing shifts else where and when he’s here I get time off.” I said. “There is a big call for good mechs in Mos Eisley at the moment. I think he’s out at Winstrom’s bay this afternoon, if you want to see him.”

“Naw, I gotta get back, Tosche let me have the time off to see you and run some errands but he runs a tight ship, even when he’s not there. Someone’s gotta fix all the busted crap the farmers bring in.” he grinned.

“Thanks for coming and talking to me.” I said.

“No problem, I don’t get into town all that often, my girl gave me a huge shopping list so I need to get on that. You know it’s funny about Luke, I mean it’s not like he’s anyone special or anything, just some farmer’s kid who used to get on my nerves, but you are not the only one in the last year or so who’s asked about him. No one even knows if he’s still alive or anything. It wouldn’t surprise me, actually, if he had gotten himself killed like Biggs.” He said. “You’ve been out to the Lars’ homestead yet?”

“Not yet, still trying to figure out the best way and the best time to go out.”

“Some folks find the passage from Wayfar along the ridge easier than from Anchorhead. I’d recommend finding an animal mount over a speeder though.”

I nodded. “Yeah, I had a speeder breakdown once out in the Sea, never again.” I told him. “It’s pretty desolate out that way though, he must have been pretty lonely.”

He shrugged. “Yeah, not much of a life I guess, never thought about it to be honest. The farm is a wreck, you won’t find much there any more. Sad really, Owen had that place doing well. Who knows maybe someone will get it up and running again.” He said. “Look I gotta go, thanks for the part, you sure your old man won’t mind?”

I shook my head. “I’m sure. Anyway, better it gets used than sits and collects dust in storage. Good luck with the racer.”

“Thanks, if you’re out at Tosche’s stop by say hi. I missed you last time, was on late shift the night before.” He said shaking my hand again and leaving.

After I had cleaned up I recorded everything he had told me on a data pad. I really wondered why this kid was of so much interest to Lord Vader. The more I heard about him the more he just sounded like some ordinary farm kid and not some heroic pilot who managed to blow up the Empire’s most ambitious weapon. I sat for a while staring at the little computer screen, lost in thought before Bel yelled that if I wanted to eat I should do it now. With a sigh I went into the kitchen for a late lunch and thought about my next move.

There are three ways to traverse the desert. You can walk, not highly recommended. A human requires a lot of water, at least two litres a day, more in the heat and carrying all that weight would not be helpful if one wanted to wander around the desert for any length of time. You can travel by vehicle, hopefully a decent speeder or swoop that won’t die from the heat or the sand. Sand is very unkind to most machines and unless you can fix your own machine and carry enough spare parts, lube and other accessories around with you along with all the water you need, I never thought travel by this method was all that great. Lastly, you can travel on an animal. The four favourite animals for travelling the deserts on Tatooine are Eopies, dewbacks, Rontos and banthas.

Eopies are ornery creatures that were mainly used be farmers. They were able to carry heavy loads and go long distances. I had bad memories of being bitten by a particularly cantankerous eopie as a small child. Rontos, although a good creature for travelling, were mainly used by jawas. Rontos needed a lot of water and were easily frightened by sudden movements; they were a pain in the ass to go near any urban areas with. Dewbacks were also often used as beasts of burden, great lizard like creatures whose ability to deal with the heat was often the stuff of legends. While I liked dewbacks it was banthas that really had my heart.

I remember the first time I ever saw a bantha; I was very, very young. We still lived in the house out by Bestine and it had been late in the evening, just around sunset. A baby bantha had wandered away from its herd and found its way to our house. I remember listening to it cry and feeling its pain and fear. I had taken a bowl of water and set it near enough to see but far enough away to not be in danger. Banthas could be really fierce when they wanted to and even babies were dangerous especially to small children.

I had sat on the stairs and watched as it considered the water and eventually trusted enough to drink from the bowl. I had watched in fascination as its strange, almost prehensile tongue had scooped the water from the bowl so delicately not a drop had touched the sand. Not long afterwards, its mother had found it. I had thought that the two creatures would just leave but instead they nuzzled each other and then the mother, who was enormous, came right up to me sitting on the steps and gently butted at my hand with her nose. When I lifted my hand up she had licked at it with her tongue and then she turned around with her cub and left to rejoin the herd. I had never spoken on this incident with anyone. It had been magical and private, a kindness shown for a kindness given. Of all the creatures that dwelt on Tatooine, banthas were my favourite.

Most folks would swear that travelling by land speeder or some such machine was the best way to cross the desert. Not me, one bad break down in the middle of nowhere had taught me all I needed to know about how sand and machinery got along. It was no wonder the local storm trooper garrison used dewbacks instead of speeders to get around the place. I had talked at great length about it with my father who wasn’t overly happy about me wanting to go out into the desert on my own. I suppose I could have told him I was fairly capable of taking care of myself by telling him about Myrkr and Rothana but these were things he didn’t need to know. In the end we compromised.

Buried Deep, Scattered Wide 3

2006-03-20T10:11:00.000+01:00

We drove to Tosche Station very early in the morning while the air was still relatively cool. The station which was also, among other things, a junk yard was located just outside of Anchorhead. Merl Tosche, who had founded the power and distribution station, was almost never there. He sold all sorts of mechanical bits and pieces including power converters and spare parts for moisture evaporators. I could remember infrequent visits to the station as a child, and spending several hours rummaging around the junk yard looking for interesting things. Surprisingly enough, Tosche was there by the time we arrived.

He and my father got along well. They had known each other for as long as I could remember and Tosche was one of those grown ups that had become a part of my extended family. I was, I think, a source of amusement for him and whenever I had accompanied my father out to the station Tosche had always allowed me to dig out small treasures from the junk pile and keep them.

“Good, you got here early. I don’t want to hang around, too much to do.” Tosche said as he greeted us. “And look at you, little sand bug, all grown up. Have you eaten, want something to drink? I made some sludge, not the greatest coffee in the galaxy but it is drinkable.” He clapped my father on the back and chucked me under the chin as though I were still six and not well past my teens.

I loved the station because it was the homiest wreck of a place I had ever seen. Disorganized chaos, Tosche called it. He poured three mugs of his sludge, his strange version of spiced coffee and we sat down to drink.

The business was discussed and the prices agreed upon fairly fast. My father didn’t dicker around with Tosche for a few reasons, one was that no one else sold at such decent prices and the second was that it didn’t really pay to get on Tosche’s bad side. Once that was all out of the way my father edged the conversation around to what would interest me.

“Quiet out here these days I hear?” he said. “Where are all the kids who used to loiter about the place?”

Tosche laughed. “I never minded them, gave them something to do, kept them out of trouble. Not many left now, though.” He said. “Take it you heard about the Darklighter boy?”

My father nodded. “No details, though.”

Tosche made a noise. “Word I got was he died fighting for them rebels. You know his old man was never happy that Biggs joined the academy. Was talking to Huff not too long ago and he hinted in that direction. Said the boy had chosen the right path, sacrificed himself for the greater good. Sounded like a bunch of bunk to me but you know how it goes. Huff was never one to hold back on what he thought and he made his feelings about the Empire well known. Sad though, Biggs was a good kid, he and his little pal Luke,…what was his nick name now?” he sighed as he thought about it for a minute, “Wormie they called him.”

“Wormie?” I asked. “That’s not very nice.”

Tosche nodded. “Weren’t much to look at that kid, skinny, kinda short always the brunt of the jokes. I always liked the Skywalker kid. He was a gentle kind of boy, good natured, and not a bad pilot either if their stories of racing around Beggars Canyon were to be believed.”

“He still around?” my father asked.

Tosche shook his head. “Nope, went off world, followed his pal Biggs according to Huff. Although Huff didn’t say it in so many words just hinted that the two were together before Biggs died. My guess is it was that dreadful thing about his aunt and uncle what drove him to leave.”

“What happened to his aunt and uncle?” I asked sipping my sludge.

Tosche drew a deep breath and scratched at his stubbled chin. “No one rightly knows, seems they were dealing in stolen goods, not that I believe that for a second, and the Empire came calling. From what I heard the farm was destroyed and Beru and Owen were shot and burnt to death. At first everyone thought it was Tuskens but they don’t use those kind of weapons as a rule and usually don’t burn down the farms either. Don’t know what the world is coming to these days.”

“Where is this farm?” I asked.

“Out near the edge of the Wastes and the Great Western Dune Sea. I can give you a way point in if you want to pay respects, you’d not be the first.” Tosche said. “Fixer went out there and said that folks had been dropping off chulpas as tokens, laid them on a mourning marker someone had put up for the Lars family. Fixer would be able to tell you more about Luke but he won’t be here till noon. I can tell him to stop by the docking bay next time he’s in town though.”

I nodded. “I’d like that.” I said. “Must have been hard for Luke to find his family had been killed.”

“Aye, most likely, although I have to tell you, there weren’t much love lost between the boy and his uncle. Owen was a hard man to like, let alone love. Too much of his life spent struggling with the land and fighting the elements. Never saw a man so hell bent on winning against the desert, so against anyone who didn’t agree with his point of view and his way of doing things. It was almost as if, sometimes he was scared the world would come down on his shoulder s if he eased up for just a second. It would not have surprised me to learn that Tuskens attacked the farm. Owen was never one to give the Tuskens much of a thought. He hated them actually. He didn’t much endear himself to the locals that’s for sure, but I saw the farm and that wasn’t Tusken work.” He shook his head. “He and that young nephew of his locked horns many a time, Luke wanted to be a pilot and Owen wanted him to take over the farm. I remember a couple of heated debates between the two and that young boy had a rough life. He was torn between duty to those who had raised him as their own and his desire to be up in space. Never saw anyone more hung up on flying than that kid. The lust for adventure must have come from his mother and father because he sure didn’t get that from his uncle’s side of the family.”

“What happened to his parents?” I asked as Tosche refilled our cups.

Tosche shrugged. “Who knows? The only thing Owen would ever say about the boy’s father was that he was a navigator on a freighter and he never mentioned the boy’s mother. I remember when Cliegg Lars, Owen’s father, remarried a slave he had freed. A quiet woman name of Shmi Skywalker out of Mos Espa, I assumed she was the link to the nephew but she died a long time ago. Tuskens took her. No one knows why. Cliegg had organised search parties, I remember that I went on a couple but there was not a snowballs chance in the desert of finding her. The last one they went out on, only four out of the group came back everyone else was slaughtered and Cliegg lost his leg. After that the search just ended. I guess he gave up hope that she was still alive. I had heard a rumour that someone found her, brought her body back and she’s buried somewhere out at the farm, but Cliegg wouldn’t speak of it. He died of a broken heart I think, and when Owen took over the farm he wiped away all memory of his step mother. He blamed her for the death of his father.” He paused. “Come to think of it, she had a boy of her own. I remember her telling me about him one day when I went out there to visit. She was so proud of him because he had been freed and taken off world to become a Jedi; of course this was all before the bad times. Maybe Luke was a cousin or something, as I understood it Jedi weren’t allowed to have kids and the like. Can’t remember his name now, but seems like there must be a connection in there some place, Skywalker ain’t that common a name.”

My father shook his head. “Sad business that.” He offered.

Tosche nodded. “Aye, well you know how it is out here. Tatooine ain’t for the faint hearted.” He sighed, and then he looked at me with a smile. “Guess this is you catching up on all the gossip. I hear you’re working off world now?”

“Yes, office job on Coruscant, pretty dull really. I am on holiday right now.” I said with a smile.

Tosche grinned. “Well, I can’t say I blame you for leaving, not much on this rock for the young people. I am surprised that Fixer and his girl are still around, but they seem pretty rooted to this place. Can’t complain, he’s a good mechanic and I couldn’t run this place without him. I’ll let him know you’re interested in hearing about the Lars family, he knew Luke better than I did.” He said. “Damn look at the time I have to get going, got another meeting. Come on Kit, I’ll get you your parts and write down the waypoint to the farm so your girl here can go visit.” He looked at me. “I remember you had an interest in tradition and the like.”

“Still do, I doubt that will never change.” I said with a smile as we left the station lounge for the store room.

“Well, you are one of the few I think.” He said as he and my father concluded their business.

In a speeder loaded with spare parts and a box of power converters and an address of how to get to the Lars farm, we made our way home.

After I had finished helping my father unload and store the spare parts I went and sat on board my ship. I had been provided with a small but powerful portable computer and in that I began to write down all the information Tosche had given me. I finished up and went into the house for a late lunch. Waiting on the table for me was a package with the Imperial courier seal on it. I grinned as I opened it and found two letters inside. I had sent word via the courier to Thrawn that I would be staying on Tatooine for a while, that I would have an office in Bestine mostly because I wasn’t certain where I would be living. It seemed that Thrawn knew me better than I knew myself and his mail had been delivered directly to my family home. I was in the middle of reading the first letter when Bel came in.

“So, how is he?” she asked.

I gave her an ‘I don’t know what you are talking about’ look.

She grinned. “Psshh!” she hissed flapping her hand at me. “I saw how you and that Imperial Captain you dragged here looked at each other…or better to say how you didn’t look at each other. I signed for that package by the way. I saw the sender name, so how is he?” she sat down at the table across from me and helped herself to some tea.

“He is well, extremely busy and somewhere off in space saving the galaxy from evil.” I smiled. “I never could keep anything secret from you, could I?” I said.

“She shook her head. “Nope.”

She nodded and grinned then gave me a look I rarely saw on her face, one of worry. “Missed you, you know. We were all scared to death when you vanished.” She said in a more serious tone.

“I know, me too.” I told her but I didn’t want to get into any great discussions about it now. “We’ll talk about it, I promise, Bel. I just need to, I don’t know, get some distance first, you know?”

She nodded. “Well, your dad filled Bedi and me in on what happened, you knew he would right? I just want to hear you are really okay from you. I know you were really attached to Jyrki.”

“Yeah, well I was an idiot and he was, well… he was something else all together. I’m not attached to him anymore.” I shrugged biting back the surge of anger I felt. I wasn’t sure what else there was to say on this topic. Bel looked at my face for a moment and just as she always had ever since I had known her, she just got it and let the subject drop. She grinned and tugged at the envelope I held in my hand. “He makes you happy?”

I could not help the smile on my lips. “Yes, for what it is worth. He’s kind to me, Bel. I don’t think he’d hurt me. Not without fair warning first, it’s not his style.” I said after a moment’s thought.

“Well, that’s all that counts. After what Jyrki did to you, I am glad to hear someone knows what you are worth. Anyone who sends you letters on real paper via high end courier service must, at least, think you are special. I’d hate to have to add an Imperial captain to the list of people I plan on killing slowly and horribly. And,” she added “I rather enjoyed the debate we had when he was here. Your mother would have really liked meeting him. He’s quite clever, you know.”

I laughed. “That’s putting mildly.” I said.

She looked at me. “Is it serious?”

I gave her a look. “What do you think, he’s a career officer in the Imperial Navy.”

She grinned. “Okay, point taken…” she patted my arm and got up to return to the office. “If he hurts you, you let me know and I’ll put him on my list!” She made a wringing motion with her hands and grinned.

“Okay. I’ll tell him to watch his back, then.” I laughed. Once I had the kitchen to myself again I went back to reading my mail. The first letter was a cheerful account of continuing life in the Unknown Regions, the day to day routines on board the Grey Wolf and a discussion of a book Thrawn promised he would send. The second letter was a challenge. He had written it entirely in Cheunh. I could understand some of what was in the letter but mostly I knew this would require several hours of translation and use of the incredibly extensive dictionary he had included in the language database he had given me. From the few bits I could figure out I knew this was a lot more personal than the first letter. Since I didn’t have much else to do and I wasn’t about to go running out to the Lars homestead this late in the day I decided that a quiet evening studying Cheunh would not be a waste of time.

His letter was a caress. If I had thought him eloquent in his use of basic then that was tease in comparison to his ability to communicate in his native language. It had taken me almost half the night to translate his words. If I had thought he would take it easy on me writing in Cheunh I was sadly mistaken. He had written as though I were already fluent in his language and not just getting my feet wet. Once I was certain I had the translation just so and could read it with out pause or interruption I was in awe. I had grown up in a world of words, through books, plays and poetry, mostly thanks to my mother. I had learned to love language at a very young age but nothing had prepared me for the beauty of this letter.

Buried Deep, Scattered Wide 2

2006-03-16T12:32:00.000+01:00

Bestine was a small city that wanted to be important and failed miserably. It had started out as a small farming community and had worked its way up to the official capitol city, mostly be default. It was the least offensive city with the least amount of crime and it was sort of located in the middle of things. After the formation of the Empire a small garrison had been stationed there and eventually grew into the local seat of Imperial power. The offices were located near the starport and the city hall.

I had my papers and orders in hand when I walked into the building. While I wasn’t expecting trouble I was also reasonably sure I was not a welcome addition to the local status quo. I talked briefly to the desk officer who quickly ushered me into the office of the person in charge.

Tour Aryon was a striking woman. She was tall, elegant with beautiful dark skin and brown eyes. She regarded me with the same contempt usually reserved for jawas. Standing off to the side of her desk was a seedy looking young man with greasy black hair.

“Miss Gabriel, I trust your journey to Tatooine was pleasant?” she said not getting up to greet me and not shaking my hand. I ignored her rudeness. I had it on good authority that she and Lord Vader did not see eye to eye. I had not expected a warm welcome.

“Yes, thank you Governor Aryon.” I handed her the data pad with the official requests and orders from Lord Vader. She took it gingerly as though touching it would give her a disease. I stood quietly, hands clasped behind my back waiting for her to read the instructions. I did not mind waiting, it allowed me time to let my force talents drift and get a sense of the undercurrents.

“Well, this all seems straight forward enough. You will be given office space and the required links. If you require further assistance you will find Mr. Taine most helpful. She indicated to the man at her side. I have assigned him to you as an aide. No doubt you will discover we do things a little differently out here on the Rim as opposed to the Imperial Palace.”

“Thank you.” I said politely.

“Are you at all familiar with Tatooine?” she asked. “You might want to acclimatise to the heat before you get to work.”

I smiled. Either she was testing me or she had no idea who I was at all and had not read my personal file. “I am from this planet, thank you. I am familiar with its climate. It should be in my personal file.”

She gave me a hard look. “Your file is restricted.” She told me. “I appreciate your honest answer. Your familiarity with this world saves us a lot of headaches. Many people come here only to discover it is too hot. Tatooine is not for the weak. May I inquire where you are from exactly?”

“Mos Eisley.” I said.

Her lip curled. “Ah, I see. Well, we won’t hold that against you. You have living accommodations?”

“Yes, thank you.”

There was a heartbeat’s space as she waited to hear if I would tell her exactly where I was living and when I did not volunteer any further information she gave me a fake smile and said. “Now, I am sure you are anxious to settle in your office.”

“Yes,” I nodded. “Thank you for your time.”

She waved her hand and Mr. Taine who moved and gestured for me to follow. “I trust you will find everything in order and let Lord Vader know we have done our best to accommodate you.”

I smiled. “You have been most kind, I will be sure to tell him.” I would have to watch my back with her, she was dangerous.

Mr. Taine did not speak a word and I followed him through the building to a small office on the upper floor under the roof on the south west side. This was probably the worst office in the entire building as it got the most heat and the most sunlight. The most desirable offices were always sub ground where it was cool. I knew it was perfect; people would leave me alone here when I was actually here. The window looked out over the backside of the city and in the distance I could see the hills that sheltered Bestine from the desert. I looked about the small room. There wasn’t much to speak of, a desk a chair, a holonet terminal, an older computer system and a bookshelf that was mostly empty.

“I apologise that this is all we could provide you with on such short notice, Miss Gabriel.” Mr. Taine said in a voice that said the exact opposite.

“Not at all, I shall be quite happy here. I assume the holo link is secure and private?” I said.

He nodded. “As per Lord Vader’s request.” He was lying. I smiled.

“Then I believe I have everything I need.” I said. I would not be using this office for anything important. Lord Vader had provided me with a small portable, secure holo transmitter and that was on board my ship. I had decided that my droid could work out of the office on Coruscant and we would keep in touch as necessary. Having office space in Bestine was strictly for appearances only. I was a civilian with no rank and in a position no one really knew quite how to deal with, working for the Emperor’s Iron Fist. I was a bit of an anomaly and I rather liked it.

“Well, then I shall let you get settled. Do enjoy your stay.” Mr. Taine said as he handed me the key card to the office. I gave him my best smile and waited until he was gone. I gave it a few minutes before activating the holo transmitter and contacted Lord Vader. I knew this call would be monitored

“You have arrived, I see.” He said testily.

“Yes, my lord. The journey was uneventful.”

“You have been provided with what was requested?” he asked.

I nodded. “I have, my lord and everything is exactly as expected.”

“Good. You know your job, report when you have something to discuss, other wise do not waste my time.” He said with his usual cheer. “Do not disappoint me, Miss Gabriel.” He added and severed the connection.

I stood and stared out of the window for about half an hour and then I left, locking the door behind me. I didn’t spend any time in Bestine, there wasn’t much to see. The shuttle back to Mos Eisley was full and busy. I was more than grateful to step out of it and get back home. Being in the office in Bestine had made me feel dirty. I had not sensed that many lies and that much deception since the last palace party.

My father was in the kitchen having lunch when I got home. I joined him and told him about my morning. He had only laughed.

“That place has gone to hell in a sandcrawler.” He said. I helped myself to lunch and sat at the table with him. “I have some information for you about that name you were looking for. Seems there was an Anakin Skywalker from Mos Espa, a slave. He won the Boonta Eve Classic, oh about thirty three or so years ago. It was a big upset apparently, and he was the first and only human to win it.”

“It’s a place to start, thanks papa.” My heart skipped a beat that that name.

My father waved his hand, “Not done yet, Nate, who used to work at Tosche’s, told me that there was also a kid by that name used to hang out there. He told me that his name was Luke, used to hang out with Biggs Darklighter’s.”

“Huff Darklighter’s boy?” I asked. I remembered hearing that the son of the wealthy agricultural magnate had been killed but the reasons for his death were shrouded in mystery.

My father nodded. “Yeah, the two boys were friends apparently. Nate was telling me if you want to know more probably Laze Loneozner, better known as Fixer, or Tosche might be able to help you out a bit.”

“Did he say where this Luke was from??” I asked.

“A moisture farm some place out on the edge of the Jundland wastes. Between Anchorhead and Wayfar.” He said. “I did some digging though and that was the same farm which the Imperials did a raid on. Remember I told you about it, happened shortly after you started working for the Empire.” He paused. “Is this boy in trouble, Merly? Why are you looking for him?”

“I don’t know, papa. It’s possible he’s partly responsible for the death of thousands of innocent workers one of the Imperial space stations. He might also know something about the whole Alderaan thing as well. I just know I was asked to find out all about him. I don’t know much more than that.”

My father nodded. “That thing with Alderaan was bad business.” He said quietly.

I nodded.

“I can take you out to Tosche’s in two days if you want? I have to pick up some parts from him. You know how hard it is to actually find him, never at the station, never reachable. I set up a meeting a few weeks ago, so why don’t you come with me?”

“Sounds perfect.” I said.

“So, are you busy now?” my father asked, clearing the table.

I shook my head. “Not really, for a change.”

“Good, I have an engine with your name on it. Nate Delann, the guy from Tosche’s was supposed to take care of it but he got called away on an emergency. So damned hard to find a decent mechanic nowadays that I have to share with the other docking bays. If you wanted to make decent money you could stay here and fix ships.”

I laughed. “What is it?”

“A YT nineteen-thirty.” He grinned.

“Oh, I haven’t seen one of those yet!”

“I thought you might like that.” He said and we walked over to the dock repair bay. I sighed happily when I saw the ship. The YT 1930 was a really new light freighter from the Corellian Engineering Corp. Unlike the older YT models this ship had a center lined cockpit and was way more streamlined. She was a pretty looking ship. I grinned this would be fun.

“I’ll just get my kit and get right to it. Is everything still in the same place?” I asked.

My father nodded. “Jyrki’s system was so good no one’s ever bothered to change it.”

“Good.” I said and I opened up the Ahnkeli ‘Su’udelma to get my coveralls and tool kit.

As I found myself in the new freighter’s engine room I could not help but smile. I had come full circle and it felt very strange to be back. Tomorrow I would start my search for the two Skywalkers. More convinced than ever before that they were linked. Everything kept coming back to this planet.

Buried Deep, Scattered Wide 1

2006-03-13T12:51:00.000+01:00

Time passed, days became weeks and weeks become months. I buried myself in my work and my training. It kept me from thinking too much. Master Kjestyll had returned and resumed his teaching with me. He had known what had happened and over time he drew the whole story out of me, piece by piece. Although the process of healing had begun with Thrawn and Navaari on Hjal, it was my Master’s quiet attention and gentle words that helped me to face my own fears and slowly find myself again. I looked forward to my lessons with this gracious, subtle man. These times were among the few when I knew a sort of peace and calm that in my day to day life had become elusive.

I felt as though my life had been put on hold, as though I were waiting for something big to happen, almost as if I were on the cusp of some great indefinable turning point or adventure. The sensation nagged at me but like a flicker of motion one sees from the corner of one’s eye, it was always out of reach. Even my dreams remained cryptic and fragmented. While the dreadful nightmares slowly subsided and left me some measure of peace my normal dreams were addled, devoid of sense filled with images and voices just beyond my reach to see or hear properly. These were restless times and I felt them keenly. So to keep myself busy, I did my work, attended the official functions I was required to attend and tried to stay out of trouble. I avoided thinking about Jyrki or my time on Hjal too much, both these things made me sad but for very different reasons.

The anniversary of the destruction of Alderaan was marked by a large and ornate memorial and an official day of mourning. The destruction of the Imperial Battle Station, which had also seen the deaths of thousands, was never mentioned. The Emperor was rarely seen during these times and there were many rumours that he was not well. At first I had paid these whispers of ill health no mind, the palace was rife with such gossip but it seemed to me strange that he appeared to address the crowd for the Alderaan memorial only via holo projector and his speech had been very short and abrupt. It had also surprised me a little that he had not wished to speak with me after I have returned to the palace. For weeks I sat almost on pins and needles half expecting to be called to his chambers but the summons never came. I began to wonder if there was not some truth to the whispers.

My social life was busy. Shiv and his friends saw to it that I was not often left alone. I was never quite sure if this was because he was afraid that if he didn’t have me in his sight I might be suddenly snatched away again or if he just felt a bit guilty over what had happened, even though there was nothing he could have done. He, too, had wanted to know, to understand what I had gone through and while I told him the jist of events I left many details out. He accepted this although I know it hurt him a little. It wasn’t even a question of trust. I just didn’t want to talk about it any more. I had not really thought about what a good friend he had become but I could no longer imagine my life without his cheerful presence.

Thrawn, true to his word wrote to me regularly. I treasured his lovely, long letters describing everything from the most mundane aspects of life in deep space to in depth discussions on art and literature. I was constantly amazed at how articulate he was and how interesting he could make even the most ordinary things sound. He had not come to see me before he had departed to begin his service on board the Grey Wolf and I was glad of this. I hated goodbyes. What can you say in the few remaining minutes that tick by that you have not already said a thousand times before? Farewells always struck me as stilted and uncomfortable affairs filled with half murmured promises that would never be kept. I suspected he understood this only too well and was, perhaps, even grateful that I made no such demands of him. Two days after his deployment a sealed box had been delivered to me containing not only a beautiful letter but data pads full of information on Cheunh and a couple of other linguistic surprises.

…I raided my own personal data base and downloaded everything I could think of to help you with your studies of Cheunh. I feel that with your astounding abilities to learn this difficult language, you should be encouraged. I have also added two of the more prominent trade languages from that area of space. I have no doubt these will be easy for you to pick up and I recommend you do so. One never knows when something will be of use or when a translator will be required. There are very few outsiders to our world who speak Cheunh fluently, to do so would give you a great advantage. I shall enjoy testing your knowledge when I return and see how well you have mastered these challenges. Stay alive and well, my dear, so that we may continue our delightful, ongoing conversation when we next meet…

The language data bases that he had sent were incredibly detailed and extensive. It made me wonder if he had not tried to teach his mother tongue to a non Chiss before. I knew that he had set the bar quite high for me. I also understood that he knew he was pushing buttons and I would respond accordingly. I had never backed down from a challenge and I wasn’t about to start now, especially with one that was actually fun.

Lord Vader, on the other hand, stayed distant. I had heard through the rumour mill that he was training several force sensitive people he had discovered. Strangely enough this didn’t really bother me. I was not jealous by nature and as I slowly began to understand my own abilities and talents and I knew that I would never be what he had wanted. I was good at my job and someone he trusted in so far as he trusted anyone and for me, at this point in my life, that was enough. Our moments of contact were brief and business like. He was busy and as long as I did what I was supposed to there was no reason for him to expand our contact or virtual meetings into anything more. I got the sense he was troubled by something he could not or would not discuss. He was moody and foul tempered most of the time and something weighed heavily on his mind. I put most of that down to the issues he had with the local seats of government and the constant power struggles that never seemed to end within the Imperial Court. He was busy with his command and his own affairs, busy with the ongoing search for the elusive rebels and I was an afterthought so I was surprised when I received a summons from him to rendezvous with the Executor.

I had taken to packing pretty much everything I valued, which was not much, on my ship. Although I had an apartment in the Palace, it never felt like home the way the Ahnkeli’ Su’udelma did and I knew no one other than myself or Thrawn could get into my ship, my apartment was a different story. I was happy to be in space and flying. The repair crew Thrawn had organized had done an excellent job and had even replaced the foot braces in the engine room. I had made sure to stock up on spare parts and anything else I could think of that I might need. The good thing about being in the employ of the Empire was that requisitioning things for ships was not an issue. It was late afternoon standard time when I landed onboard the Executor. There was no waiting. I was ushered directly to Lord Vader’s private chamber by two nervous young Storm Troopers who left a tad faster than decorum allowed.

There were no pleasantries and no questions about my health. He launched into the heart of the matter in his usual abrupt way. “You know that I have been searching for the individual responsible for the destruction of the Imperial Battle station.” He said.

I nodded.

“You are also aware that I believe he was from the same planet as you.”

“Yes, my lord.”

“Then you will go to Tatooine and investigate his past.”

“My lord, would not an intel investigator be better suited for this?” I asked a bit surprised by this request.

He regarded me for a long deadly moment then said. “I wish this kept off the official records. You are from Tatooine. You know its customs, ways and languages far better than any Intel spy could hope to. You have all manner of connections and you are unafraid to use them. You have my leave to use all and any means at your disposal to get this information. You will be given an office to work from at the outpost in Bestine, access to finances and a means to contact me on secure channels. You can attend to your regular duties as you see fit, I am certain that droid of yours will help out. But make no mistake this task I set for you has priority. I want to know everything about this boy’s life.” He said and handed me a data pad with all the information I would need and dismissed me. Just like that, instead of heading off to Naboo with the rest of the Imperial Court, I was going home.

Tatooine never changed. I touched down late afternoon at my father’s docking bay and was assaulted by the heat when I stepped from my ship. I didn’t have time to think before I was tackled by Belkin in as huge a hug as the small Rodian could manage. She filled me in on all the gossip and by the time my father returned from errands I was more or less up to date with everything that had been going on pretty much planet wide. Supper that evening was a loud, joyous affair. It was good to be back.

Much later in the evening I crept away, up to the flat part of the rooftop. I sat staring up at the sky, wondering where Thrawn was now. I missed him and that both surprised me and annoyed me. His lack of presence was an ache I didn’t want or need. This is what it means to be bound…Navaari had said and he hadn’t been joking. I was glad when my father joined me, a bottle of moonglow and two shot glasses in hand. He and everyone else had carefully avoided all mention of Jyrki and what he had done to me at dinner. I knew that he needed answers and this was a good, quiet place to talk.

I sipped the gut rot slowly and before my father felt obligated to open up the conversation I told him what had happened. I left some things out and did not tell him about my trip to Hjal or my strange connection with the Dantassi. I wasn’t sure he would understand that. I wasn’t sure I understood it either. He stayed very quiet until I was finished my story and only after a few moments of silence did he pull me to him and hold me tightly.

“Why?” was all he could ask. I knew he was fighting back emotions and I pretended I didn’t see the tears in his eyes.

“I don’t know, papa.” I told him with a sigh. “I really, really do not know. He would say one thing but mean another. His pretense was he wanted Imperial codes but it wasn’t really the truth. He didn’t know why either.”

“I hope that he never shows up here, pet.” He replied. “Because if he does, I will kill him.”

“You’ll need to stand in line.”

He refilled my glass and we sat in silence for a while and I realized that it was, for the first time in forever, a comfortable silence.

“So, why exactly are you here? You were very vague at dinner.” He asked.

I weighed telling him the absolute truth and finding some sort of white lie and in the end decided on the truth.

“Lord Vader has asked me to find out about someone named Skywalker.” I said. “The information I have says he was from Tatooine so here I am.”

“I know that name.” My father said rubbing his stubbled chin. “I’ll have to look some things up but I am sure I know that name.” he sipped his drink. “How long are you here for?”

“I don’t know, weeks, months, as long as it takes. Lord Vader wasn’t specific about the amount of time I had and I got the impression he didn’t really care as long as he got the information he wanted. I will have an office out in Bestine but that’s for appearances only. I thought about maybe opening up the house out there but I’d rather base here and be near you and everyone if that’s okay?”

He smiled. “I could not be more delighted. There’s a shuttle that goes between Bestine and here pretty regularly every day. I know Bel and Bedi will be happy to have another female around, most of the pit crew and pilots are male right now which is driving the two women a bit nuts. Be nice to have everyone together again for a while, we might even convince your uncle Vahl to come out for supper.” He paused the added, “And we can always use another good mechanic.”

I leaned my head on my father’s shoulder and stared up at the sky. He wrapped his arm around me and squeezed tightly. Yep, it was good to be home and far away from the reach of the Emperor and all the intrigues of the Imperial Court.

The Warm Beneath the Winter 8

2006-03-10T09:57:00.000+01:00

In difference to the journey leaving Coruscant, the journey back to the core planet was a lot more fun. Thrawn was a good travelling companion and the conversations were as varied as they were interesting. I badgered him to teach me more about his mother tongue and we spent a large amount of time engaged in Cheunh language lessons.

“You certainly do have a gift.” He told me after a particularly intense session. “Most beings have a great deal of difficulty managing to even pronounce our names correctly.”

“It’s a beautiful language.” I told him honestly. “Like music in some ways, one just needs to get the phrasing, the intonation just so.”

That had pleased him and we had continued. I had to laugh though, like with every other language I had ever had to learn the first things I was taught how to say were, ‘Hullo my name is, I come from and where is the nearest docking bay, cantina, hotel.’

When we were not engaged in discussions and language lessons, we were taking watch and or sleeping. My sleep patterns had not really changed much and I still woke up, more often than not, bathed in cold sweat, gasping for breath. It was frustrating more than anything else.

“These episodes, they will abate eventually but that will take time. The ordeal you suffered is not easily forgotten. The body remembers and it takes time to let go. On Hjal you made the first steps in this particular journey but you cannot expect to be free so quickly.” Thrawn had said as we sat at the small dining table after a particularly bad episode that had me screaming blue murder. He had poured me a shot of brandy and watched as I drank it with still shaky hands holding the tin cup. “Humans are so full of strong emotions, and you are like a wild storm. It is a curiosity to me how you can be so conflicted, so full of such feelings and still be rational and even logical. Your dreams are perhaps a way for you to come to terms with these conflicted emotions, and maybe you should pay attention to what it is telling you.”

“I don’t even know what they are of.” I said with a sigh. “I just wake up terrified, there are no images to remember, nothing concrete to hold on to and analyze. It’s just fear. How do I fight that? How do I get past that?”

He had shaken his head. “Well, I do not know.” He said honestly. “Nightmares are not something I have much experience with and I am in no position to give you advice on how to cope with them. Perhaps you might want to talk with Lord Vader on this subject, after all he is also Force sensitive and maybe he has a better idea of where the dreams come from and why you do not remember them.” I had said nothing to this. The thought of having a conversation on the topic of night mares with Lord Vader was about as appealing as having my hands chopped off.

We were twenty seven hours into our trip back to Coruscant and I was just tired of being tired. I lay my head on my arms on the table and listened to the hum of the ship. It took me a few seconds to realise that something was not quite right with the pitch of that hum and there was a slight, almost imperceptible shimmy that shouldn’t have been there. Thrawn went to say something but I shut him up suddenly with a wave of my hand and then before he could even ask what was wrong I raced to the bridge and looked over the consol. The read outs confirmed my fears and I was in the middle of shutting down the hyperdrive when Thrawn caught up with me.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

“Hear that sound?”

“I hear engines.”

“Hyperdrive’s overheating.” I said hoping I had initiated shutdown in time. The ship shuddered more violently. Hyperdrive malfunctions were usually fast and fatal.

“What was that?”

“Not sure, if we’re lucky it is…” but I never got my sentence finished, we suddenly dropped out of hyperspace just as a very large resounding bang came from the stern of the ship and we rocked about like a repulser with a bad lift.

“Buggery sandrats!” I swore and raced to the engine room. I opened the door and stepped back quickly. Smoke poured from the small room and it stank of over heated machinery and hydraulic fuel. I hit the vents and grabbed a filter mask, took the flashlight off the hook and opened up the engine hatch. I was ass up and head down in the pit when Thrawn came in and squatted down beside me.

“So what is the news?” he asked calmly, cupping the second mask over his mouth and nose.

“Wait a second...” I said Squirming further down the pit wall trying to peer under the hyperdrive. My arm brushed the engine and I yelped as it burned me.

“Merlyn…?”

“Shut up and let me do my job, damn it!” I yelled at him. “Grab a hold of my legs will you!”

He did as I asked and I slid further down along side the engine and twisted underneath it. I shone the light across the still steaming machinery and sighed when I finally found the problem, or at least what I figured was the problem.

“Up, up.” I said reaching my arm up for him to grab. He was strong and hauled me to the floor with ease. I sat with my legs dangling over the edge and brushed sweat and hair from my face.

“Well, we were incredibly lucky.” I told him trying very hard to keep the anger from spilling over into my voice.

“Define lucky.” He said as I got up.

“Lucky, as in still alive and not obliterated into tiny bits.” I replied crossly.

“What is the problem?” he asked ignoring my snippiness.

I began looking through my spare parts chest and getting tool kit out. “I think we blew one of the transpacitors and the hyperdrive over heated. If I hadn’t started shut down procedure when I had, we’d be space litter now.”

“How did you know, was it your force sense?” he arched an eyebrow.

“No.” I sighed and shook my head. “I know my ship, Captain, as you pointed out I am an excellent mechanic. I heard the problem; she told me what was wrong. ” I said patting the bulk head. “I told you to watch pushing the hyperdrive that much.”

“This ship was refitted with a top of the line engine, one that we should be able to push past specs for a decent amount of time.” He said with a hint of annoyance.

I nodded. “Yep, one should be able to do that but not with sub standard transpacitors in it.”

“Substandard?”

I nodded. His jaw clenched and he was clearly angry.

“Can you fix it?” he asked.

“I can, lucky for us I have a spare transpacitor on board but we’ll be on auxiliary power and life support till I can get this fixed, can’t run the sublight engine either I need to get right underneath everything, can’t do that while she’s running, too damned hot and,” I added. “I’ll need your help.”

“What ever you need me to do just tell me.” He said.

“Well it’s not complicated; I need you to hold on to me.” And I grinned at the expression that flashed across his face. “Hand me those coveralls, please?”

I stripped out of my dress and stepped into the coveralls. Laid all the tools I was going to need out beside where Thrawn was, still heel to haunch staring at the hyperdrive as though just looking at it would fix the problem. I had the spare part in my hand and sighed. I really hated this particular operation. Transpacitors were in the worst place on an engine and an absolute bugger to get to. In order to fix this I had to hang upside down with my back to the pit wall. Usually the hyperdrive would be lifted out while in space dock or ground based dock but that would just take far too long in our case and we didn’t have the equipment on board for it either. One could if one was small enough slide in under the entire engine and work there but I never liked being under an engine that way. I had seen a man pinned when the whole engine block came down on him and after that incident I never wanted to risk it. Usually, there wasn’t much on that side of the hyperdrive that could really go wrong. Transpacitors, even when they were not that good, rarely blew.

“Just make sure I don’t fall into the pit.” I said as I explained what needed to be done. “Or else it will take you until you are an old man to reach Coruscant.”

“What do you usually do if you are alone and this happens?” he asked coolly.

“If I was on my own it wouldn’t have happened, I am not the one pushing the engines over their limit.” I said more tartly than I had meant to, “But usually there would be grab bars I’d hook my feet under to brace myself, however when the ship was refitted some moron saw fit to have them removed without thinking about engine repairs! So now you will have to sit and somehow hang on to my legs so I don’t split my skull open fixing this engine. Think you can handle that?”

“Yes.” He said. And I shimmied backwards, upside down to work in the small space under the hyperdrive engine while he made sure I didn’t fall in.

I love engines. I love everything about them, the feel, the smell, the complexity, but I really wished that who ever designed them thought about having to fix them on the fly as well. The HWK series ship was well loved but there was some design flaws that made it interesting to mess about with. Whoever had done the refit and overhaul of this ship had really not given any thought to repairs, and it annoyed me to no end that in order to replace the transpacitor I had to be an acrobat with contortionist abilities.

Hanging upside down in a tiny space next to a hot, oily engine that smelled like a cross between over cooked hyper drive fluid and burnt metal, was not my idea of fun. The Transpacitor was right underneath and I had to twist to work on it. It took a lot of cursing and swearing to get the part off. When that was done I had Thrawn pull me back up and I showed him my find.

“Blown.” I said, annoyed. “I hate it when people put crap on a good engine.” I grabbed the new part and the tool I would need to attach it and with a deep breath, bent backwards as Thrawn eased me down carefully.

It was fussy work to attach the new transpacitor and more than once I was certain my colourful language made him wince. Not for the first time did I wonder why everything had to be so small, hard to get at and annoyingly difficult to reattach.

“Hand me the sealant will you, small tube of yellow stuff to your left.” I yelled, shifting enough so that I could hand him the small spanner I didn’t need any more. He placed what I had asked for in my hand and I finished the work. When that was done I took a good look at the rest of the engine from this angle, it wasn’t often I nose dived into the pit so it was a good opportunity to check everything out. I didn’t see anything unusual or out of place. This was a new engine and as Thrawn had said, top of the line. The use of substandard external parts was a bit worrisome though. I handed back the sealant goo and asked for the hydro-spanner again to make some minor adjustments here and there. When I was done, and Thrawn had helped me back up I just sat for a moment, a little dizzy. We were now sitting legs locked over legs, the way circus artists who fly on swings did. It was a good way to support my weight while I was upside down but now it meant I straddled his lap. I looked straight into his face, while he held me, hands on my hips. There was a moment when I wondered if we would blow the engine up with the tension that had suddenly flared between us. I didn’t take my eyes from his until he broke the moment.

“Everything under control?” he asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Think so.” I nodded finding my voice. “Just can’t feel my legs any more.” I patted his arm to let me up. I had to shake the pins and needles out.

“So, what is the status, are we good to go now?” he asked, watching me put my tools away and clear up.

“No, not yet. Need to wait another hour, to let everything cool right down. I don’t want to risk damage to the second transpacitor. I don’t have any more spares.” I put the tool box back in its cubby hole. Once I was done clearing up, I unbuttoned the coveralls, I was sweating to death. I stripped off the top half and tied the sleeves around my waist. I was glad the little undershirt I wore had no sleeves.

“No way to push that?” he asked.

I turned around and caught him looking at me intently. There was a flash of hunger in his expression and while he masked it swiftly with a raised eyebrow and a slight smirk I still felt it. It made my heart race.

“What?” I asked testily.

“Can you speed up that start estimate any?” he repeated, ignoring the question behind my question.

I picked up the transpacitor. “See this? We don’t want another to blow. By rights we should be dead. Under normal circumstances I would recommend we stay dark for three or four hours so that I can run some serious diagnostics but you are in a hurry so I calculated I can push it to two. Now, I’ve already spent one hour hanging up side down fixing this thing so that leaves another hour for cool down. When we start the drive up again it has to be slow and easy. I know you are in a rush to get away from me and back to saving the galaxy from evil, but this is the best I can do. If you think you can do better, you are welcome to try.” I stood with my hands on my hips.

He took a few steps towards me, I backed away. “Miss Gabriel,” he said with a slow smile. “I would not presume to question the quality of your work or risk raising your ire.” He reached out and took the blown transpacitor from my hands and studied it. “Good that you had a spare.”

“I don’t like being caught out; it can lead to … unpleasant situations.” I said backing up a few more steps as he manoeuvred me slowly against the bulk head so that he could put the broken part he still held in his hands on the shelf to the left of me.

“So I infer.” He said softly. There was look in his eyes that made my stomach drop. “You have grease on your nose.” He pointed out.

I wiped at it with my fingers and this only made him laugh.

“Now you have more grease on your nose.” He told me. We were standing very close to each other and I had no place to go. The bulk head at my back was warm.

“Well, think of it as a fashion statement then.” I told him as casually as I could.

“Suits you.” He told me. “Flattering accessory to your…” he gave me the once up and down, “elegant outfit.”

I scowled at him, he was playing games. “Don’t you have work to do?” I asked.

“I thought we now had an hour of down time?”

“That's right.”

“So that means I have an hour of nothing specific to do.” He said softly, leaning with both hands against the bulkhead, trapping me in between his arms.

“I am certain you could find something to pass the time.” I said trying to ignore the sudden swell of sandjiggers fluttering in my belly.

“Well, I had thought perhaps we might continue a much earlier conversation.” He told me casually but the tone of voice didn’t match the predatory look in his eyes. With the fingers of his left hand he traced the skin of my right arm. His touch gave me goose bumps and that made him smile.

I swallowed, my mouth was dry. “I’m not feeling that chatty right now.”

“Pity, I thought you enjoyed a heated debate.” He whispered, brushing his lips against mine.

“Well,” I conceded, “the taste of certain words can be stimulating.”

He smiled. “And you certainly do have a talent with an alien tongue.”

I made a face. This was a dangerous game he had started. “You know this constitutes serious verbal abuse, right?” I asked.

With a twitch of his lips, Thrawn leaned against my body with his and the heat between us rivalled the heat from the cooling engine. He watched my face, studied my eyes and then shook his head. I tried, without a lot of success, to get my breathing and my heart rate back under control, wondering what had brought this sudden passion play into game. He hesitated for just a moment and then he growled softly, “That’s enough oral foreplay, don’t you think?”

I am certain, that had I been given enough time to think of it, I would have come up with a suitable reply. He moved swiftly, smoothly wrapping one arm around my waist and the other hand he slipped behind my head pulling me to him. In the same graceful motion he brought his mouth crashing down on mine. Words, all thoughts of words, all consideration of spoken conversation were suddenly driven from my mind.

I loved how he made me feel. His mouth, his hands, my body, I lost myself to his beguiling attentions and just enjoyed it for what ever it was, hoping he did as well. This was not the first time we had done this, I hoped it would not be the last and each time we took it just a little further. His affections sent me reeling and left me utterly breathless. Time spun around us, warping forward and before I knew it he had drawn back from me and was caressing my face with his hands. I did not need to see any physical tell tale signs to know how he felt; I could sense the desire in him as certainly as I could taste my own. It built and gathered within us, between us, swirling about like smoke. I could feel the wildness, the hunger of it. I took a deep steadying breath to try and control it, pull it back so that, unlike last time, I didn’t shower him with it. I know he was aware of this but he didn’t say anything about it.

“I thought this was not the place for such… discussions.” I breathed against his chest.

“My dear,” He chuckled. “This was merely a minor discourse. Consider it a reminder, if you will, of how interesting our conversations can and will be.” He brushed his face against my hair.

I sighed. “For someone whose billionth foreign language is basic you use it with remarkable skill.” I told him.

“It was a good way to pass the hour, was it not?”

I raised an eyebrow. “Oh I see, small talk. Just a minor distraction against the boredom of waiting?”

“Something like that.” He smiled disengaging himself from me. “You know what they say, practice makes perfect.”

I wondered just exactly what it was we were practicing. “Either that or one of us will spontaneously explode from all this… tension.”

“That will be most interesting to observe.” he said.

“These games are driving me crazy, you do know that right?”

His smile was slow and easy. “Perhaps that is the idea.”

I shook my head. “You are so impossible.”

He laughed out loud and then kissed my forehead. “Small moments such as these are rare. They remind me that I am more than just a member of the Imperial Navy, that there are distractions worth stopping for every now and then and that hidden under layers of dirty work clothes and engine grease are treasures well worth finding” He spoke softly. “These moments of stolen pleasure are precious.” And then he left abruptly.

I took a long, deep, steadying breath and stripped out of the overalls and back into my dress. It took my body longer than my brain to calm down and I was grateful when my knees stopped trembling. I went the fresher and washed the grease off my face. I looked in the mirror and sighed, shaking my head. I was playing with fire, bound to get burned in the worst possible way and I was encouraging it.

I made my way to the bridge where Thrawn sat waiting for me. With a silent tiny prayer that the busted transpacitor was the only problem with the hyperdrive I started up the engines and listened to its whine. I didn’t even realise I was holding my breath. The sublight engine revved and when that was hot I began the start up sequence for the hyperdrive. It sounded okay so I hit the switch. The ship shivered a little and the stars did what stars always do when one slipped into hyperspace. Nothing sounded out of the ordinary and I let go the breath I was holding.

“Seems okay.” I said.

“As I said before, you are an excellent mechanic.” He told me with a cool smile.

“I am glad one of us has some faith in my skills. Now, I think I need a cup of tea. Want one?”

“Of course.”

“Just do me a favour?” I asked.

He arched an eyebrow in reply.

“Do not run her hot. Don’t push our luck any further.” I said.

He gave me a little mock salute. “Aye, aye captain.”

I just stuck my tongue out at him and with a sigh went to make tea. I sat down at the little dining table and rested my chin on my arms. I loved fixing engines but it was hard work. I listened to the sounds all around me and smiled. Everything was normal. I just hoped it stayed that way.

The rest of the journey back to Coruscant was uneventful. I babied my engines although they didn’t really need it and Thrawn indulged me on this. We spent the remaining time easy with each other’s company. The language lessons continued only now it was my turn to share my knowledge of Huttese. I was surprised at how quickly he picked up on what I had to teach and only a couple of times did I catch him out, laughing at the funny things he had said.

“Huttese is mostly a spoken language but I do have some data that might help you if you really want to learn more.” I told him.

Thrawn smiled. “That would be most helpful, but I do enjoy our joint language lessons and nothing can substitute learning with a native speaker.”

“True.” I agreed. “Will I be able to understand Navaari if I become fluent in Cheunh?”

He nodded. “Probably, while the two languages have splintered and the dialects have distinct differences, they do share the same base. You have a good ear, it would not take you long to pick those differences up,” he said. “But you will have to work hard to be fluent, it is not an easy language for non Chiss to attempt, let alone master, even for someone as gifted as you.”

“Too bad you are not sticking around.” I grinned.

He just nodded. “Well, as you so aptly put it, duty calls.”

The sudden passion and heat of our wordless conversation in the engine room was not spoken of but also not forgotten. Certain glances and smiles hinted at the heat beneath the winter and more than once I had wanted to ask him about it but there was just never the right moment. In the end I was glad of this, some things were better left just enjoyed and not analysed to death. I liked his attention, his affection but I respected his distance. I also, oddly enough, understood it.

We arrived on Coruscant very early in the morning. The tall buildings were half buried in a sea of cloud. The sun was just beginning to show itself and everything was bathed in a beautiful pink light that danced about us as we made our descent to the landing pad.

“I have made arrangements for ship repairs.” Thrawn told me after the ship had touched down and the engines were shut off.

I nodded. “I hope this crew will know what they are doing.”

He gave me a tight smile. “Well, if they do not then there will hell to pay.”

For a moment we stopped what we were doing and just looked at each other, words were not necessary.

“If there is time I will try to see you before I leave but I cannot promise it.” He said.

“Then say goodbye now and leave it at that.” I told him.

He smiled. “In Cheunh there is no word for goodbye. We say a’chitra saf tyn’oni, which means something like, until the next moment.”

I nodded and repeated the words, tasting them. He gave my one of those rare smiles that reached his eyes and lit up his face. His kiss was passionate and full of promise. “You will hear from me, the usual way. Jarack will see to it that your correspondence reaches me.” He said, opening the main hatch.

I nodded. There was nothing else to say and he left the ship without looking back.

The Warm Beneath the Winter 7

2006-03-07T08:27:00.000+01:00

I followed Navaari into the sitting room. I felt the tension in the air crackle before I ever saw Za’ar’s face. When our eyes met I felt the full heat of his anger and I had to look away. I heard Navaari speak to him and looked up to see the two men face each other off, Navaari with his hand on Za’ar’s shoulder.

“A’myshk’a, go and clean up,” he said in a tone of voice that brooked no argument. I glanced at him and then again at Za’ar, hesitating.

“Now, Tjällh!” Navaari hissed.

I hurried past them both to my room and then to the fresher. By the time I closed the door of the bath room the argument was underway and their voices carried low and hard. I was grateful that the water drowned out the discussion. Even though I didn’t understand the words, the tone was unmistakable.

I showered. The hot water felt good and I scrubbed myself clean. By the time I had finished and dressed the heat of the argument had gone leaving only a cold silence in its wake. I wrapped the warm robe over my night dress and walked into the sitting room. Both men stopped speaking and stared at me. It was unnerving.

“Better?” Navaari asked.

I nodded.

“Well, then, I shall go to bed.” He said getting up out of the chair he had been sitting in. “Nikätza’arth’pavjäska, remember well all that I have said.” He came over to me and gave me a kiss on the cheek and then without saying anything else he left us alone, closing the door firmly behind him. The silence he left behind him was the worst I had even known. I could not look at Thrawn and I could not turn and run. His quiet manner was unnerving and while yelling at me would not change anything, that was simply not his way, it would have been so much easier to deal with.

Finally when I could bear it no longer I whispered. “I’m sorry.” The words knotted in my gut and choked in my throat.

He stood up and folded his arms across his chest. He took a deep steadying breath and said in a cold, hard voice. “Merlyn, what were you thinking?” He only ever used my first name when he was displeased or being formal.

“I wasn’t.” I answered.

His jaw clenched. “No. You were not.” His quiet anger hit me like a wave. He was still but his fury was not.

I looked away from his hard stare. A great lump rose up in my throat from my chest as though one of my nightmare monsters was trying to claw its way out from the inside. The grief burned and the more I tried to stop the tears that welled up in my eyes, unwanted, unbidden, the worse the ache got. I tried hard to fight against it but it was a losing battle. I was too tired, too wrung out to control any of my own emotions any more. I knew I simply could no longer stop this tempest from breaking. I turned my back to him and clenched my fists, struggling against the one thing that would finally help to free my soul. I had no idea why I had such a hard time letting go but it always came down to a fight.

“Let it go.” He said not moving from where he stood.

It was emotional vomit and when it hit, it was a kick in the belly. I went to my knees and buried my head in my hands. Sobs which sounded ugly and raw, burned in my ears and tore at my throat. The dam broke and I cried. Vicious, gut wrenching bawling, the kind that made one’s nose run and face blotchy and red. I did not notice him kneel down at my side but when, after a few moments, he pulled me into his body and cradled me against him, stroking my still damp hair I cried even harder. I felt as though I were broken from the inside out and nothing in the galaxy would ever fix it.

He held on to me tightly, whispering in his language words I did not understand but the tone said, ‘there, there child everything will be alright’. I didn’t believe him; I didn’t think that anything would ever be alright ever again. I cried until there was nothing left, until there were no more tears just shuddering, hiccupping breaths. My own body spasming against the sudden release of emotion it had been carrying around for far too long. I had not wept like that in a very, very long time and Jyrki had been the reason for it then as well.

“I hate him.” I said when I finally found my voice.

He tried to lift my face upward but I fought him. “No, I’m all splotchy.” I said.

“Look at me.” He commanded in a quiet voice. I did as he asked. He wiped away the remnants of my tears with his thumbs. He held my gaze as he spoke. “I would kill this man with my bare hands for what he has done to you, but that will not change what has happened.” He said. “Hating him will solve nothing and such a strong word should not be bandied about lightly. It will eat you up inside and turn you into the darkness you try so hard to avoid.”

I looked at him and it occurred to me as he spoke these words that this is what the Emperor wanted from me. Slowly I began to understand, wondering if Thrawn had known this all along. I nodded and looked away from his steady gaze.

“I made your shirt all wet.” I said.

He smiled. “I think I will live.” He tucked two fingers under my chin and made me look up at him again. “Why did you venture out into the blizzard?” he asked.

I shrugged. A dozen answers went through my mind all of them truthful to some degree or another but the one answer that leapt to the forefront was also the simplest. “I wanted to see what it was like.”

He gave me a look. “Even though you knew it meant possible death?”

“Part of me knew,” I said. “But I didn’t care, that was not important.” He frowned but I continued. “I have no good answers, I know you want one but I don’t have any. I wanted to walk away from everything and the storm, well, it called to me. I didn’t think, I just reacted.”

“Have you ever done such a thing before?”

“Yes, but that is a story I don’t want to tell you right now.” that memory made me smile.

He nodded. “There are those among my kind who seek answers to the questions that have no answers. They go to extraordinary lengths to look within themselves and find peace. Sometimes you remind me of these people. We call them Tyn k’etsja tavi vai’jash me akia, the seekers of beauty and light.” He sighed. “You do not understand the reasons for why you do these things because you act on instinct and you trust to something that is indefinable. Your journey takes you far and wide and the path is hard.”

“Seems odd to hear you sum it up like that but, yes that’s more or less what it is like.” I sniffed. He handed me a handkerchief and I used it gratefully.

“Did your walk in the blizzard give you any insights?” he asked after a while.

“You mean aside from the fact that snow and wind is cold and really hard to walk through?” I asked.

He made a face and arched an eyebrow.

“Yes, but don’t ask me what they are because I am still trying to sort that all out.”

“Tell me,” he asked in a tone of voice which said he already knew the answer. “Did you like being in the middle of the snow fury?”

“How did you know that?”

“Recognition.” He said cryptically and then gently added. “Kirja’navaar’inkjerii was right about you when he said he saw in you a, how would you put it, kindred spirit. You and he are much alike. He thinks that you are blessed by the snow gods. Most humans would have perished in that storm, tracer chip or not.”

I sighed a deep shuddery breath. “I would never argue with Navaari, but I don’t think acting like an idiot counts as being blessed by anything other than an incredible lack of brains.”

“Do not underestimate faith, A’myshk’a, it is a far more powerful thing than most beings ever give it credit for and you seem to have it in abundance.”

“I have faith? Faith in what?” I asked. I didn’t understand what he meant bit this.

He just smiled, but he didn’t answer. I leaned my head against his chest, suddenly weary beyond imagining. “Why is it that when ever I am with you I always end up either falling asleep or crying?”

He arched an eyebrow. “Well, firstly, that is not always the case. Sometimes we dance or have the occasional silent but interesting conversation and secondly, I would venture to say that somewhere deep down in that addled brain and soul of yours, you trust me enough to let go and be yourself. I take it as a great compliment, if you really want to know.” He drew a deep breath. “However, I have to tell you, you are a most frustrating creature.”

“Why?”

“Because just when I think I have worked out how you will most likely react you do something utterly contrary to what I expect.”

“You mean you hadn’t foreseen my taking a walk?”

“Not exactly.” He said. “But I am learning that you do have a flair for the dramatic.”

I nodded and sighed. He got to his feet and pulled me up with him. “You must be very tired.” He said. “I know I am.”

“Yes, you’re right.” I agreed.

“We can speak more tomorrow,” He said. “if you want to.”

I paused for a moment. “Navaari told me you knew what it was like to be isolated, to be imprisoned. “

He looked at me for a moment and then nodded. “In a manner of speaking, I do. It is a very long story and I promise one day I will tell you but not tonight.”

“We seem to have many long stories to share with each other, then.”

He smiled slightly. “Well, as long as you do not take any more suicidal walks in violent weather, perhaps we will have time to share them as well as other things.”

I nodded and reluctantly went to my room. I left the door open a little and put the lantern I had brought with me on the bed side table. My mind whirled and I couldn’t still my thoughts. I lay in bed I listened to the sounds of Za’ar moving about the sitting room, turning off lights and also going to bed. Even though everything was quiet, the noise in my head just seemed to get louder. I tossed and turned until I couldn’t stand it any more. Making my decision I got out of bed and quietly opened the door that separated our two rooms. I stood in the doorway backlit by the lantern on my bedside table. He was lying on his back. I thought he was asleep but then he opened his eyes and stared at me. For a moment I hesitated uncertain of his reaction. I was about to go back to bed when he leaned up on one elbow and cocked his head to one side in question.

“I don’t want to be alone.” I said by way of an answer.

He patted the empty side of his bed and pulled the covers back. I went to him without fear and curled up by his side as he lay back down. I rested my head in the hollow where his arm and his shoulder met. He wrapped his arm around me and pulled me close. His skin was warm and he smelled like home. I looked up into his face and for a moment our eyes met. Desire flared like blaster fire, making me gasp. Suddenly all I wanted was to kiss him, was for him to kiss me. It was a greedy, desperate need and I looked to him for answers. He read this easily in my eyes and stroked my hair.

“I know what you want,” he said quietly, “I want it also but now is not the right moment.”

I knew he was right, we were both exhausted but I asked the question anyway. “Will there ever be a right moment?”

He arched an eyebrow and gave me one of those looks. “Yes, do not doubt that.”

I sighed and nestled into the warmth of his body, breathed in his scent deeply. I traced my fingers absently up and down the center of his bare chest from the hollow between his collar bones to his abdomen. He caught my hand with his and kissed my palm. “You do not make waiting easy, though.” He said, shifting so that he was lying on his side. He wrapped himself around my body and he held on to me tightly.

“Good.” I whispered back sleepily, burrowing into his warmth.

He chuckled as he caressed my back with the tips of his fingers. In the grace of his embrace, I fell asleep.

It was the sound of talking that woke me up. Half awake I listened thinking that perhaps it was Navaari but it was not. My skin crawled as the familiar voice, distorted via the holonet filtered through the half open door. I could only hear on side of the conversation, Thrawn’s and it was the tail end.

“Yes, Your Highness, I understand.” He said and then closed the connection.

I watched as Thrawn entered the room and stood at my side. “Good, you are awake. We need to return to Coruscant. I have been recalled to duty, my leave cut short.” He said.

“When?”

“Immediately. I’ll let Kirja’navaar’inkjerii know we must go now. Get dressed and pack.” He didn’t sound very happy about it though and he added. “I’m sorry.”

“I understand, duty calls. You have to save the galaxy from evil.”

“Something like that.” He smiled slightly and left the room.

Getting ready quickly was easy to do and I didn’t have much to pack. I was ready by the time Navaari came into the sitting room carrying a tray of breakfast things.

“Nikätza’arth’pavjäska will return shortly, he had business with the Tribal High Elder before you both leave. I thought while he was gone you and I could share breakfast.” He said.

I was grateful and I was hungry.

“Are you alright? Is everything settled between you two?” Navaari asked handing me a cup of very sweet tea.

“I think so. He doesn’t ever really let me get away with feeling sorry for myself.” I said.

“Good.” He nodded. “As soon as he is ready, I’ll take you both out to the landing pad.” He told me. “Are you all packed?”

I nodded. This conversation felt stilted and sad. I didn’t want to leave this place and didn’t know how to say what I really wanted to.

“A’myshk’a, I have something for you.” He said suddenly and he handed me a small leather pouch. “It is a way to keep in touch.” he said.

I slipped the small metal disk that was attached to a leather thong, like one of the amulets I wore, out of the bag. It looked more like beautiful jewellery than a transmitter or holonet device.”

“How does it work?” I asked turning it over.

Navaari smiled and took it from my fingers and showed me then handed it back.

“That’s very clever and I can always reach you?”

He nodded. “Unless the weather is really bad and I am out on a hunt in it.” He sighed. “I wanted to give you an option should you ever need help again. You can wear it like a pendant or hide it in something. My people often keep them as a part of their masks. It can also work as a tracking device and most seeker machines will not find it.”

“And people think the Dantassi are a backwater race.” I said.

“We promote that idea, Tjällh. The less the rest of the Galaxy knows about us the better, when you are a thing of myth and bedtime story then you are both quietly respected and left alone to your own devices. Our technology is kept secret for a good reason. The Chiss are much the same. We keep ourselves to ourselves.”

I nodded and slipped the tiny disk over my head, tucking it under my clothes. “Thank you.”

Navaari nodded. “Do not be sad, we will see each other again.” He said. I was about to answer when Za’ar, looking more Imperial and Thrawn like than he had in the last few days, walked back into the room.

“Ready?” he asked as he picked up his things and began to slip on the warm clothes against the journey to the landing pad.

I finished my tea and with help from Navaari got into the long fur coat. There was little to say and the mood was heavy and quiet. Navaari and Za’ar spoke to one another in Dantassi–Cheunh completely ignoring me. It sounded serious. I sat on the sled, as I had when we had arrived and watched the world of white whip by us. It was cold and over cast, the sky a foreboding colour of grey. I wondered if there was another storm coming in. The trip seemed faster than I remembered and before I knew it we had arrived at the landing pad. It was strange to see my ship all covered with snow. I took off my mask and tucked it away in the satchel slung across my shoulder. Thrawn had already opened the ship up and was loading the bags inside. He and Navaari said their goodbyes and then he went onboard.

I looked at Navaari and didn’t know what to say. So much had happened and it seemed like a dream. He moved to me and pulled me into a bone crunching hug.

“Ariathe’Ka Ia.” He whispered in my ear. “If you need me, I am here for you.” He said holding me at arms length and holding my gaze. “Do something for me?” he asked. I nodded. “Talk with your father. Do not lose that contact. Perhaps he did not give you life with his seed, but he raised you and he loves you. Do not throw that away.” He said.

I nodded. “I promise.” I said.

“Do not forget,” he said urgently. “Your job is not who you are, it is what you do. Do not let it destroy you.”

“You sound like Za’ar.” I said.

He smiled. “I shall take that as a compliment.” He said. “You had better go. Do not look back, that is bad luck. We will be meeting again, I promise.”

“How?”

He smiled. “I am Jhal’kai, I will find you.” And he placed three fingers up on my forehead then touched his own.

“What does that mean?” I asked.

He smiled. “I tell you the next time I see you.” He said. “Now go.” I did as he asked and I didn’t look back. Thrawn already had the engine on start up and by the time I stripped off the heavy coat and had made it to the bridge we were already styling to take off.

The engines blew snow all around us and even though I looked for him I could not see Navaari as we left the planet’s surface. I felt that awful ache of letting go, of already missing someone before you have even left them behind. I sat in the co pilot’s seat and strapped in. The ship began its fight against the planet’s gravity and I closed my eyes. When we had broken through the atmosphere and he had set the nav computer I got up and went back to change out of the layers of clothes into something easier to travel in. I made tea and brought a cup to Thrawn. He was broody and silent and I wondered how serious the conversation with the Emperor had been.

“We should arrive on Coruscant in just under thirty five hours.” He said.

“You’re pushing the hyperdrive awfully hard.” I told him, after doing the calculations in my head.

“I have an excellent mechanic on board.” He told me and smiled for the first time since last night. “Thank you for the tea.”

I sat down and nodded. “Is everything alright?” I asked after a long silence which I could no longer stand.

He was thoughtful for a moment. “Yes, I believe so.” He said, and then added. “Things will change when I return to the Imperial City. I have been given command of a new ship and the duties I now have will take me very far away from the core planets for long periods of time.”

“So what you are telling me is that we will not get see each other very often.” I said.

He smiled. “It is sometimes very hard to hide anything from you.”

“On the contrary.” I replied a little testily.

He nodded. “Of course I tell you this in confidence because I need for you to understand that duty comes before everything else.”

“I do understand, perhaps much more that anyone will ever give me credit for.” I told him tartly. “Is this something you wanted, this assignment?”

He took a deep, thoughtful breath. “Yes. It is necessary for the safety of my people as well as for the security of the Galaxy.” He said.

We sat in silence for a while sipping on hot tea, watching the swirl of hyperspace until I broke it.

“May I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“If we had stayed on Hjal one more night would we have … I mean would you…?” I stumbled, trying to find the right words, feeling very awkward and blushed.

“Would I have bedded you?” he asked simply.

I nodded.

A very slow smile played across his lips. “Miss Gabriel, from the moment you joined me in my bed last night, the plan was to not let you out of it for at least the next twenty four hours.” I blushed even more and that made his smile widen. Then he said. “Sadly, things did not turn out quite as I had imagined and unless you find this ship, good as she is, a suitable place for such a union, I am afraid it could be some time before we have the opportunity for such a precious, intimate … conversation,” He shrugged ever so slightly. “I would prefer that both the timing and place were special instead of one or the other.” Then he added a little too casually, “Although, I am certain you have plenty of handsome, younger suitors who would wish to share this honour with you.”

“Maybe I do, however I prefer wait.” I told him a little airily.

“Why?” He asked, sipping his tea.

I looked at him for a moment wondering if he was asking this as a serious question or if he was playing with me. I decided he was being serious, genuinely curious and not wanting his ego fed.

“Because, Captain, as you so very eloquently put it some time ago, there are some things in this galaxy worth waiting for and you are one of them.” Then added, “And whether more handsome or younger, know this I do not want anyone else. So, unless you change the rules of the game, it stays like it is.”

He opened his mouth to say something but I reached over and placed a finger upon his lips. “The sand people have a saying; Desire is good for the soul.”

He nodded slowly and when I withdrew my fingertip he asked. “How is it that you can be so fragile one moment and so strong the next?”

I grinned. “I think that’s called being female.” I said and I got up to return to the galley. He laughed that deep rich laugh that warmed my being. I took the empty cup he offered me and went to get more tea. I hoped that this return trip would be uneventful and as good as the moment we had just shared.

The Warm Beneath the Winter 6

2006-03-03T14:20:00.000+01:00

I woke screaming, half in half out of the nightmare whose images I would thankfully not remember when I had broken free from its grip. As I became aware of Navaari at my side, doing what all parents do for terror stricken children, I wondered if this would ever end. His whispered gentle words which won over the unnamed fear and when I had calmed down enough he let go of me and lit one of the lanterns. Light helped. He got the small brazier going and put water on to boil. The small space filled with the scent of what ever tea it was he was making and it was good smell. I watched, huddled in the warmth of the blankets as he fixed me a cup.

“These night terrors, you have them often?” he asked, pouring himself a cup of tea as well.

I nodded, cradling the warm cup in my hands, welcoming its heat. “I have always had bad dreams on and off, but not like this and not every night.”

“Why will you not speak of what happened to you?” he asked getting straight to the heart of the matter.

I shook my head. “I can’t.”

“Why not?” he was going to push now, I knew that. There would be no avoiding this conversation and there was no place to run. I shut my eyes tightly and gritted my teeth.

“Stop fighting against what will happen anyway! Why will you not open up and talk to me?” I heard him move closer to me. “Why?”

“Because I am ashamed.” I whispered. Letting out the awful truth I had locked away inside myself.

He had not expected this answer and he knelt in front of me, taking my face in his hands and holding it so that I could not avoid looking in his eyes.

“Look at me , Tjällh, you have done nothing to feel that way.”

I tried to turn away from his gaze but he would not allow me to. With his eyes and his hands he made me face not only his questioning stare, but my own fears. I struggled to get the words out, but they tangled on my tongue. The deep shuddery breath I took was not enough to quell the rising sense of disproportionate panic.

“Do you know what I used to tell my daughter when something had her so tied up in knots she could not even speak?” he said gently. “Start at the very beginning and do not stop until the words have done their job.”

I shook my head and struggled to get clear from his grasp. He did not let go.

“Tjällh, there is only you and me here and we are in the middle of nowhere surrounded by the snow and wind of a spring storm. There is nothing and no one who will hurt you. So speak to me, tell me this thing that destroys you from the inside out before there is nothing left of you and I must mourn another loss.”

His words sank in slowly, he saw this and he let me go. I trembled as took a small sip of my hot tea and then without further games or hesitation I began to talk. I told of everything that had happened and I left absolutely no detail out. My voice trembled when I spoke Jyrki’s name, when I recounted his violence and his silent, brutal anger. I faltered when I spoke of the filth and the disgrace I had felt at being so dirty and so weak, of the humiliation and the despair. I side tracked a little and told him everything about my relationship with Jyrki, as I had known him, as I had wanted to know him. All the secrets I had been carrying for so long right from my earliest memory of Jyrki through to the most recent of hurts and the terrible sense of loss came tumbling out. All the things I just could not seem to come to terms with. I poured my soul out to Navaari in a way I had not ever done with any other person before, not even Thrawn, and he listened without comment or interruption. When I was finished and there were no more words left inside I just looked at Navaari, waiting for him to respond. I huddled into the blanket around my shoulders. I felt for the first time in a very long time, a deep sense of stillness, of emptiness as though the white noise in my head had suddenly been switched off. Navaari took the empty cup from my hands and refilled it for me. I accepted it gratefully.
He was silent for a very long time and I realised that I could no longer hear the wind outside either. The silence was deafening I was glad when he broke it.

“No one should ever have to go through such a betrayal.” He said in a voice that did not hide his own anger. “This terrible sense of guilt you carry is not yours to bear. You did nothing to deserve this, you did nothing wrong.” He said.

“Then why did it happen? Why did he do this to me?” I was on the verge of tears but I bit them back. Tears would come later, in private when I could let everything go with no one around to watch.

“I cannot answer that, only Jyrki Andando can.” He said. “But this I do know, you must understand what happened was not your fault. You need to stop blaming yourself. He had no right to harm you in this way, no matter what he thinks you have done, or have become.” He shook his head. “This man you once loved, I do not even think he sees the person you are now. If he had he would know that you are not evil or even shaped by it. That you have a lovely spirit touched by difficult times. You did what you had to do and you acted with great courage.” He cupped my face once more in his hands and made me look at him. “I am so honoured to know you, to have you be a part of my family, of my tribe. You may not be my daughter by blood but in my soul I know that we are bound by something powerful and I tell you this as I would were you my own, I am proud of you.”

He pulled me to him and held on to me tightly. I had not realised how much I had needed absolution, how much I had needed for someone to tell me these things. With a sigh, after a long pause, I pulled away from his embrace and sipped at my tea.

“You miss her very much.” I said wanting to talk about something else other than me.

“Yes, I do. My wife and I thought that we could not have children, so when Il’lyar’ea was born, we knew she was a gift from the gods. Do not all parents think this way?” he added with a smile. “She was a cheerful, happy child but her eyes always looked to the far away and I knew that even though she was raised with us she would not stay with us forever. She longed for more, she longed for the stars. She was always looking past the now, beyond my shoulder into the future.” He said. “I should not have been surprised then, when a young scholar came to Hjal to study the Dantassi way of life and I watched as he stole my daughter's heart.” He shook his head. “I do not mean that in a bad way. She was happier than I had ever known her to be and when, one night she came to my wife and I to tell us that she wished to marry this man and leave us, we both knew that no matter what we said we would lose her. It was better to give her up gracefully with our blessings than to will for her to remain here and have her leave in bitterness. So, after we convinced her to have a traditional Dantassi bonding ceremony, she left to start her own life on Csilla. She returned only once, when her mother was dying and we knew there was nothing to be done about it. Those were difficult days. I know she felt guilt and remorse about not being here for most of the illness and I was so tied up in my grief that I could not help her through her own. When she left after the death rites, many words had been left unspoken that should have been said. We have not seen one another since, although we keep in touch. I feel the distance between us keenly but I am unable to bridge it”

I looked at him. “Fathers and daughters.” I said. He nodded with a slight smile because he understood exactly what that statement meant.

“I am quite certain that this is a dance that will always be so, for eternity and it should be no other way. But it is a hardship that is sometimes difficult to bear.” He said. “Without these hurts and these terrible times, how can we know joy and peace?”

“It seems like an awfully high price to pay, though.” I said.

“Everything comes at a price, A’myshk’a.” he said.

I nodded and not knowing what else to say commented. “Storm’s died down.”

“Aye, and once we have eaten we will head back. It will be very late by the time we reach the village but you will see it is a different world outside.” He told me and set about making some sort of food. We sat and ate the stew in silence. It was hot and surprisingly good. Once we were finished and everything cleaned and put away, I helped Navaari pack.

“Put your warm clothes on, it will be cold outside. After a storm like this the wind drops and so does the temperature. It will be very cold and, A’myshk’a, it will be very beautiful.” He said handing me the clothes I had worn when I had left the village.

The world that awaited me as I crawled through the entrance tunnel was vastly different from the one I had walked out into the day before. Where there had been wild winds and blinding snow was now an eerie stillness and a crystal clear night. I breathed the night air in deeply and it was a sharp, icy shock. It made me cough. Navaari laughed as he packed the sled. The wolf-hounds were happily chewing on what ever food Navaari had given them. I wondered how they survived the storm.

“They curl up in the snow and their fur keeps them warm. They are born and bred in this climate.” He explained reading my thoughts. “Put your mask on, it may not be windy but the cold will still freeze your flesh.”

I drew the mask from the satchel across my shoulder. Navaari grinned when he saw my reaction when I saw it.

“It is tradition to write one’s history upon one’s mask. I carved your story while you slept.” He said. “Now any Dantassi will know who you are and where you have come from by the symbols.” He tapped two of them. “This one says you are part of my family, and this one is for Nikätza’arth’pavjaska.”

My fingers traced the new marks he had carved. They had been made black by some sort of soot and then sealed with a waxy substance.

“I guess every time I need my story updated I shall have to come back to see you. I can’t carve to save my life.” I said as I slipped it onto my face. I drew my hood up and took my place on the sled. It was exhilarating and this time I was wide awake. The wolf-hounds were swift and, in the moonlight, glorious. The scenery was breathtaking. All around me was pristine white snow that glittered in the moons’ light. It was beautiful. I lifted my face and gasped at the clarity and sheer numbers of the stars that shimmered in the sky. Their formations were foreign to me and I wondered if the Dantassi who lived on this planet had names for the patterns they created. After about an hour Navaari stopped the sled, the hounds sat on the snow, their misty white breath decorated the air as they panted. He motioned for me to get up and follow him a little ways from the sled and the hounds.

“Lie down and look up, Tjällh.” He said. I did as he bid and could not keep the gasp of wonder from escaping my lips.

“The sky, it’s dancing!” I whispered.

Navaari chuckled as sat in the snow beside me. “I am certain that Nikätza’arth’pavjäska has told you the scientific reasons behind this but we call them Kiana sukaj’taiva, heavenly dancers. My people know why they happen but we still see the magic. We tell our children if you whistle the lights will dance for you and sometimes they even whistle back.”

I laughed and whistled and sure enough the lights of deep turquoise green and pale yellow rippled and shimmered across the sky. Navaari pointed out some of the patterns the stars made, telling me the stories behind them. I lay in the pristine snow, bathed in the twin moons’ light watching the shimmering lights in the sky until Navaari pulled me to my feet.

“We should go, before you get moon touched.” He said. “While I am selfish and wish to spend as much time with you as possible sharing the wonders of my world, your ta’kasta’cariad will be waiting and he will be worried beyond reason now.”

“I doubt that.” I said under my breath as I took my place on the sled.

Navaari laughed. “You are far too hard on that man.” He said and he signalled for the wolf-hounds to run. I threw back my head and laughed. It had been a very long time since I had felt so free, so light, and so alive. It lasted until we reached the village and I had to face Thrawn, angrier than I had ever known him before.

The Warm Beneath the Winter 5

2006-02-27T12:58:00.000+01:00

I had no idea how long I had been walking for or even which direction I was heading in, I just walked or rather tried to walk. There was no road or path and although the snow was hard packed about every fifth or so step I kept sinking knee deep into where it had drifted and was softer than the rest. It was a struggle to get through. The wind made it difficult to stand up straight and when I turned to head back to what I thought was the village and have the wind at my back somehow that didn’t seem to work either so I just kept moving aimlessly really, and as I walked, my thoughts turned inward.

I went over and over in my head what Jyrki had done. I could not wrap my brain around it and I didn’t understand what had motivated him. He had been my best friend, my first love and my teacher in so many things. No matter how much I worked it all through I could not come up with a reason good enough to justify his actions. I tried to imagine conversations with him and I am sure that I spoke out loud as I stumbled my way through the howling storm. I was angry with him and the more I went over and over everything in my mind the angrier I became. At one point I stopped and I just screamed out loud because I didn’t know what else to do. If he had been there in front of me I would have done him serious bodily harm.

I thought about the Emperor and his machinations. There was a man I could learn to hate and I wasn’t sure that I didn’t already feel that way. He was a poison and a darkness and he terrified me to my very core. I wondered, as I sank once more knee deep in icy snow and had to get out of my mitts so that I could scoop the snow out of my boot, why he took such delight in playing these games with everyone. I was certain that I was alive and doing as well as I was in my small part of the Empire only because he wanted something from me. I just did not know exactly what that was. Lord Vader had said often enough that it was my talent, my force abilities that made me unique and I had sensed no lie in that but I didn’t believe it entirely either. There were others far more talented than I was and far more willing to play the game, far more willing to suck up to the Emperor and do what ever he asked with argument or question. I could not seem to sort out the tangled web that was being woven about me and I didn’t understand it. If he wanted something specific from me, then why did he simply not make his demands known? Why the games? I knew that my abilities were getting stronger and that all the training and teaching that I was being given were helping to sharpen my skills but I did not know why. Lord Vader had talked about the peculiar combination of gifts that I had but he had never explained why this was special. I wondered as I slogged through the snow how I was useful and what that meant exactly because it was starting to take on a sinister tone to it. In the last year I had learned that I was not the only person Lord Vader had taken under his wing, oddly enough this knowledge did not really bother me too much, in some ways I was glad for it. In the end it changed nothing between he and I, the bond that had been forged was there and was strong. I did not understand it but I didn’t question it either. There were many layers to the Empire and I was only now beginning to grasp this. It was not very comforting.

My thoughts turned to the dancer, Lianna and her part in all of this. Her strange connection with the Emperor, her love and devotion to him was almost familial. Navaari had called her a predator and I knew he had been right but I had not wanted to see it, or know about it. She was threatened by me even though she had no reason to be. What ever she was to the Emperor I was not going to replace her. I had seen a fear in her eyes when she had met me the first time and she saw me as some sort of rival even though I knew that was impossible. That would have been like pitching a wamp rat against a Krayt dragon. I had sensed the Force about her but it was not an obvious thing. She had been trained in everything from an early age and it showed. I was a stumbling child next to her, yet she was afraid of me. It occurred to me that maybe the Emperor played on that as well, enjoyed watching how we circled about one another, against one another. I wondered why he would do that to someone who so obviously adored him.

I stumbled and fell and for a moment considered if it was actually worth getting up. My survival instinct was almost as strong as my stupidity factor and I struggled against the snow to my feet. I was tired though. My fingers were starting to feel the nip of the cold and the first inklings of what I had done, what the situation I was in actually was, were starting to sink in. I was not so much afraid as I was sad.

Trudging through the drifts and against the winds was extremely hard work. I had no idea where I was, what time it was or when it would be day. I imagined my home world and its unbearable heat and it made me laugh to think that chances were I would die by freezing to death. The irony of this was not lost on me. It made me wonder who my birth parents had been, where I had actually been born. These were questions I was betting I would never find answers to. I had not lied to Thrawn when I had told him that I knew who I was just not where I had come from but now the deeper consequences of knowing that the people who had raised me were not the same people who had given me life were beginning to sink in. Had they too been force users? What planets had they come from? I didn’t even know what they looked like. That last thought had made me shake my head. My red hair had often been a source of many questions, neither of my adopted parents on Tatooine had red hair. My mother used to explain it away that I was a throw back to her great aunt, and for the most part this was accepted because my mother had eyes a similar colour to mine. Thinking about her made me ache with a sorrow that never fully seemed to leave me alone. It led me to thinking about my father and all my friends back at the docking bay.

My father and I had had a difficult relationship but I knew he would be sad if I died and I felt a pang of regret at that. I was a wilful, stubborn child and he was every bit as wilful and just as stubborn. We were well matched. We had often locked horns even when I was small, then my mother had been around to sort out the arguments and play mediator. After her death it was very bad for a long time and only in the last two years had we made any real headway in being able to actually seriously talk to one another without it ending in a fight or a frustrated shouting match. I hoped that with me so far away Jyrki would leave them all alone. I stopped for a moment to catch my breath and looked around me. I wasn’t sure but I thought it was starting to get lighter out. All I could see was waves and swirls of snow that writhed about me. It was as though I were dancing with ghosts and there was a stunning beauty in it. With a heavy sigh I forced myself to go on but I was so weary, my limbs and my lungs ached and it was getting harder and harder to think straight.

My thoughts turned to the ceremony I had just been through. I had not understood its full significance, I was certain of that fact. I knew that for Navaari it had meant one thing but for Thrawn as Za’ar it had quite a different meaning. I was sure that something deeper more important had happened but I was too blind or too stupid to put two and two together. I thought about Za’ar’s kiss, a thought that warmed me from the inside out. He was a strange man in many ways, intelligent, cool headed, logical and utterly alien. Most of the time unreadable to me, yet there was a spark to him, a genuine warmth that hinted at a deeper passion he kept tucked away. I could not fathom his attachment to me but on the other hand, I could not figure out my feelings for him. No matter which way I considered it, our relationship was complicated but I knew with absolute certainty, it was also a gift. One I was now throwing away.

I thought about my last conversation with Navaari and I knew he would be furious with me for doing this but in the end, I rationalised with myself, it was better for all, if I was out of the picture. I seemed to be no end of trouble to everyone around me and gone was a good thing. I really wasn’t thinking very clearly any more. I fell, once again sinking into the snow and this time I didn’t get up. Instead I lay there, burrowing into it a little and curled up into a little ball with my back to the wind. I pulled my heavy coat close around me, shutting the storm out. I had been cold but now lying in the snow I felt a surreal sense of warmth and I was very drowsy. My thoughts drifted back and forth but mostly they centered on Thrawn. I was a little sad that for all the back and forth, for all the teasing that had gone on between us, we had never finished what we had started. I wondered what that might have been like and it was the last thing I remember thinking before I drifted, like the snow, in and out of a hazy consciousness.

I have no idea how long I lay buried in the snow. I had lost all sense of time and place. I thought that I was dreaming when I heard someone speaking to me and felt myself being hauled out of the snow. I struggled against this and I didn’t want to be moved. I was warm where I was. Strong hands caught my flailing arms and held them tightly.

“Idiot child! Stop struggling!” Said a very familiar, very angry voice.

I did as I was told and with a deft movement my bone mask was removed. I gasped as the cold bit my skin. Warm hands touched my face and then my mask was put back on me. I was lifted up and bundled on to what felt like a sled. My mittens were pulled off and warm hands felt my own. Mine were cold but I wasn't sure how cold. I couldn’t feel much. He put my mittens back on. I felt the sled move and closed my eyes.

I woke up in warmth but I was shivering. I sat up slowly and realised several things at once. One, I wasn’t dead. Two, I was mostly undressed and had been wrapped in warm, dry blankets and a heavy fur. And three, my feet and my fingers itched and burned. I went to scratch at my toes and a hand smacked mine away.

“Do not scratch, you will make it worse!” Navaari scolded.

I tucked my hand back under the blanket and endured the awful prickling, itching sensation as blood found its way back into my extremities. I watched as Navaari set up a small brazier and cooked something in a pot on it. I looked around me and took stock of where I was. There wasn’t much to see. We were in a small domed structure that looked a lot like it had been made from snow. There was a ledge that ran around the inside edge and then the floor had been dug out so that the inside was deeper and larger than it appeared on the outside and had been lined with thick animal skins, the fur side up. There was a small tunnel as an entrance and ventilation holes in the ceiling. Lanterns had been lit and the inside was surprisingly warm and cozy compared the howling storm outside. Navaari ignored me while he moved around the small space. For such a large man he moved with surprising ease, readying this and that, taking things out of a large bag he had tucked over on the other side of the floor.

He tossed me some clothes. “Put those on, you should be warm enough now.” He barked. I wriggled into the top, trousers and slippers and said nothing. Finally when he could keep it inside no longer his anger exploded around me like the storm outside.

“Idiot child! What where you thinking? You could have perished in that weather! By all rights you should be dead!”

I looked up at him, meeting his seriously hard stare with my own. “That was more or less what I was thinking.” I answered quietly.

He just stared at me, wanting to ask why but instead he just sighed. “How are your hands and feet, still itchy or just warm now?” he asked.

I flexed my fingers. “They feel thick, funny, but warm.” I said. “How long was I, I mean how did you find me?”

“The thick feeling is normal, it will pass in a while. You are lucky to have no real damage.” He sighed. “By the time we realised what you had done over four hours had passed. You travelled surprisingly far for someone walking without the right shoes.” He poured some of the tea he was making into a cup and handed it to me. “Drink it slowly.” He said and he sat down across from me with a cup of his own.

“Lucky for you when I made your mask I added a tracking chip to it. We do that for children. Without it I would not have found you before the storm had ended and even then, there was little chance to find you alive. At least you were intelligent enough to have listened to what I said about clothings before going on your death walk.” He stared at the contents of his cup for a moment. “A few more hours and ice burn would have taken your fingers and toes. You live under a lucky star.”

I wondered about that. I didn’t feel lucky, I just felt stupid.

“A’myshk'a, why?” he asked after a long silence.

I shook my head. “I just had to get away.”

“In the middle of a blizzard?” anger crept back into his voice.

“Wasn’t any place else to go.” I said quietly.

He made a face. “You think that death would solve what ever it is you run from?” he asked.

I shrugged.

“I did not think of you as selfish.” He said, his words laced with a quiet fury, “But this was a selfish act.”

I felt the sting of shame and concentrated on my tea. “Does Thra, I mean Za’ar know?”

“Of course he does, Tjällh. He was the one who alerted me you were missing.”

“He didn’t come with you?”

Navaari shook his head. “No, I am faster alone and he knows that, plus I thought you might want someone neutral to talk with. He was very angry and that would have been unhelpful in this time.

I sighed. “I keep making the wrong choices.” I said. “I seem to excel at pissing people off.”

“Well, this was not a very clever move, but you let your passions and your emotions rule your actions. I cannot say that, in the end, it was not unexpected. You remind me very much of my daughter, sometimes.”

“Why did I not meet her or your family at the celebration?” I asked.

He weighed the question for a moment. I wondered if he would actually answer. I was so used to Thrawn’s evasiveness on questions he deemed too personal or that he just did not want to answer that I expected the same from everyone else.

“She left Hjal some years ago. Married a Chiss scholar and moved to the home world.” He said after a long silence. “We do not see each other often; she has walked away from this culture, this life and does not look back.” He drew a deep breath. “My wife passed onto the next world almost seven years ago, an illness we could not cure took her. It is the way of things. Family moves on, the ones we love move on. My daughter is happy with her life now, just as she was happy here as a child. As a father it was hard to let her go but to do other wise would have been wrong.”

“You seem so pragmatic about it all.”

“It is what it is, Tjällh.” He said with a sad smile.

“But you miss them?”

“Every day.” He said. “But that is part of what it means to love someone.”

I made a face. “Love!” I spat the word out. “I don’t even know what that means.”

Navaari looked at me with a mixture of surprise and puzzlement. “You have family, do they not love you? You have friends, and you have Nikätza’arth’pavjäska do they not also in their own way love you and in turn, teach you what this is?”

I had to fight from raising my voice. “Friends who love you do not betray you. Family that loves you does not lie to you about the most sacred of things and men who have stars in their blood only love their freedom.” I could not keep the bitterness from my voice.

Navaari refilled my cup and handed it to me. The expression on his face told me he waited for an explanation.

“A year ago, just as I was to start working for the Empire my father told me that I was not his or my mother’s child, that I had been abandoned and left behind on one of his freighters by someone too damned scared to take responsibility for what I was. I know nothing about what I am, where I come from, or who created me. So for all of my life I have lived in a lie, believing I was one thing to discover that I was something else.” I said. I was angry over this but I had not realised it until now. How deeply did I shove these feelings down?

“The people who raised you as their own, did they not love you and care for you?”

“Yes, but they also lied to me.”

“I will not debate their reasons, that is not my place but I am certain that their motives were based in love and nothing else.” He said.

I shrugged. “Maybe.” I said. “My father and I don’t always see eye to eye and there are many things he will not speak of. The peace that we have now, such as it is, is based on a mutual desire not to get into screaming matches. We agree to disagree. My mother died a long time ago. My birth parents left me nothing but an antique book, a legacy of dangerous talents and strange abilities which seem to land me in more trouble than they are worth.”

“What of this betrayal from friends?”

My jaw clenched and I stared at the tea in my cup. When I didn’t answer he continued.

“Very well, what of Nikätza’arth’pavjäska?”

“I have known men like him my entire life, pilots, captains, spacers. He finds me intriguing and perhaps at some point this game we play will get intimate and even more interesting, if you know what I mean. But I will never be more than a pleasing distraction for him. To try and place any sort of claim on him would be like trying to stop a star from going supernova. I have no illusions about that. He has made space for me in his life and he is kind to me. I would even venture to say he has some feelings for me but love? For men such as he, love is a luxury that is found only in ridiculous romance stories.” I sighed and fiddled with my cup. “The minute you try to tie someone like him down you destroy what makes them special. I may be young and naïve but I do know this, were I to try and claim that man as mine, put a binding on him in any way I would be left with a handful of sand in the wind. No, even if in his own way he cares for me a little, sees something in me that pulls at him, attracts him the way peko-pekos like shiny things, it is a small thing compared to who and what he is. I can live with that and I expect nothing from him” I shrugged. “I understand my place in his life,” I sighed and added almost wistfully, “But I like that he smiles when he sees me.”

Navaari looked at me for a long time. “How is it that someone so young can be so…I do not have the right word, like sour fruit…?”

“Cynical.” I said sensing the word he sought.

He tasted the word and repeated it to get its feel and then nodded.

I shrugged. “It isn’t cynicism, it’s being realistic. I lived and worked at a docking bay, I saw it all the time, crying girlfriends clinging to men who would rather live amongst the stars than be planet bound, men bound to their ships and that way of life, leaving empty promises of love and marriage whispered and the women who fell for them left behind in a pathetic puddle of tears.” I sighed at the memories my words conjured up. “I swore I would not be like that.”

“I think you underestimate the depth of his emotions.” Navaari said quietly.

“Do I?” I asked honestly. “Maybe, who knows? I find him incredibly difficult to read. I wonder sometimes if the Chiss even have emotions. But I can tell you this, I make no claims on him and in the end, for both of us, duty comes first.”

Navaari sat back and studied me carefully. “You surprise me at every turn.”

“Za’ar says exactly the same thing. You all think you know me, you all think that you have me figured out but you know nothing!” I said coldly. “Just like Jyrki, you both think of me as some stupid, pathetic child.”

“That is more untrue than you will ever know.” He said firmly, and then asked. “Who is this Jyrki?”

“Didn’t Za’ar fill you in?”

“He has mentioned the name, said this is a man from your past and responsible for what has recently happened but he gave no details.”

“Then you know enough.” My voice as cold as the air outside. “But you met him once.”

“The man from Rothana.” He nodded, suddenly starting to put things together for himself. “The longer you keep this locked up inside of you, the deeper this poison will go.” He said. He was right and I knew it but I didn’t want to go to that place so I sipped my tea instead and then asked.

“What is this place?” Steering away from the topic at hand.

He stared at me for a long time as if to gauge how far he could actually push me and then decided that now was not the right time. “It is a snow house. We make them when we go on long hunts. Lucky this one still stands from a hunt a few months back and was very close, efficient, easy shelter from the weather.”

I nodded and drank the rest of the very sweet tea.

“We will stay here until the storm has blown itself out. Foolish to travel back in this.” He told me.

“Does anyone know you found me?”

He shook his head. “We have a good comm system here but this weather interferes with it. They will know when we return.” He looked at me as I yawned. “You should rest now. We will talk more when you have a clearer mind.”

I handed him my empty cup and curled up in the huddle of blankets and furs, turning my back to him. I knew he was watching me, trying to find answers but I didn’t have any to give.

The Warm Beneath the Winter 4

2006-02-23T13:54:00.000+01:00

We followed Navaari through a series of underground passages. It was hard to tell if they had been dug out from the ice and snow or constructed. Touch confirmed they were not created from ice. The walls were smooth and white, lit by small luminous globes that adorned the walls. They reminded me of moonlight.

I gasped when we walked through a set of large and ornate, double doors into a huge hall. It was as full of people as it possibly could be. Each and every one of them was masked. They looked like ghosts in the flickering light that came from the large fire which blazed in the central fireplace and the torches that adorned the walls. The ceiling was high and arched. This hall had been build from wood and stone, and it was cooler than the small guest room we had been in. I marvelled at the high beamed ceiling. I could only assume that the hall was above the surface of the ground and not below it as the rest of the complex was. Intricate tapestries adorned the walls depicting hunting scenes and daily life in the Dantassi world. The details were astounding and beautiful. I wondered how they had been made.

We walked into the sea of people who stepped aside, making a path for us as Navaari led us through the crowd. There were whispers and comments as I passed with Za’ar following behind me. I was an oddity, the outsider who was to become one of their clan. I sensed a strange mix of curiosity and trepidation which dominated the atmosphere.

Navaari brought us to the dais where the man I guessed to be the High Elder stood. I looked up at this imposing figure who stood three steps up on the stage. He was clothed in very ornate robes, and around his shoulders and covering his head was what looked like a wolf skin, complete with head. His bone mask was the most elaborate of any I had seen so far, covered with all kinds of symbols and carvings. It was very beautiful. Around his neck he wore many amulets and pendants and in his left hand he held an incredibly ornate culling staff. I hoped it was used primarily for ceremonial purposes but some how doubted that. He remained silent and motionless while Navaari placed me where he wanted me to stand. I was side on to the High Elder, facing Za’ar. Navaari stood directly behind me. For a moment there was absolute silence and then the High Elder began to speak.

His voice rang through the hall like deep clear bell. The cadence of his words rippled like music and I was mesmerized by it despite the fact that I could not understand what he was saying.

When he had finished speaking Za’ar translated. “He welcomes all to this celebration. He gives the reason for this gathering. He explains to the people who you are, that I am your Ta’kasta’cariad and that you will become a part of Kirja’navaar’inkjerii’s family.”

I glanced up at the High Elder who waited for Za’ar to finish the translation then continued. He gestured with his hand to me and spoke at some length, then gestured to Za’ar and spoke for even longer. Then he waited for Za’ar to tell me what had been said.

“He told everyone how you have earned your name and the story of your hunt. Then he explained that I had chosen to name you and take you as mine, that I accept responsibility for you and that you are under my protection. He spoke of my connection with this clan, this planet and of the relationship with the family of Kirja’navaar’inkjerii.”

The High Elder looked at me directly and motioned for me to come closer to him. When I hesitated Navaari nudged me from behind. I turned to face the High Elder and moved as close as I could without walking up the steps.

The High Elder leaned down and placed three fingers on my forehead and he began to speak. While he was looking directly into my eyes he was also speaking to the crowd. He said something that made everyone laugh.

“He speaks of your spirit which he says he can feel. He is telling everyone that he thinks you are both brave and graceful. That you have a good spirit but it is touched by much hardship and sorrow. He speaks of a long road ahead and of many choices laid before you. He says that he believes you will be a good addition to the clan and given time you will not be so ignorant. He says that you are also very young and are to be forgiven for not knowing their ways. He points out that this is my fault.” Za’ar said. I smiled.

The High Elder removed his fingers from my forehead and used them to raise my chin upwards. This time he spoke only to me. His voice softened becoming gentle and kind.

“He asks, if you understand what it means to become part of this clan, a part of the Dantassi and if it is what you wish?” Za’ar translated when the High Elder had finished speaking.

I nodded. “Yes.” I whispered. The High Elder nodded and let go of my face. He then turned to Za’ar and spoke to him. When there was silence Za’ar looked at me.

“He asks if I am ready to take my duty to you fully upon my shoulders. He has explained to me at great length what my duties to you are.”

Za’ar and the High Elder then spoke at great length and none of what was said was translated. I glanced at Navaari but he gave nothing away, if anything I sensed that he too, was puzzled by this conversation. When they were finished speaking the High Elder turned to me and asked a single question.

“He asks if you accept.” Za’ar said.

“Accept what?”

“Accept the tribe. Accept me.” He answered. His voice was cool and steady but I felt something underneath his words and there was an anticipation, a tension. As though there was a lot more than just being unmasked riding on my answer.

“How do I say yes in this language?” I whispered.

“Tja.” He whispered back. Teeya, it was a pretty word so full of promise and hope.

I turned to the High Elder and spoke that word in a clear loud voice. I knew that there was more to this than what Za’ar had explained but I could not dig deeper and figure it out so I accepted everything at face value, at least it wasn’t trying to kill me. There was a collective sigh from the crowd.

The High Elder spoke to Navaari who answered with yes. The Elder then turned back to Za’ar and with a nod and a hand gesture gave him permission for the moment everyone had been waiting for.

I was surprised at how nervous I was. Za’ar removed his own mask first and then with a practiced ease he found the release notches and drew the bone mask from my face slowly. He handed the two masks to Navaari and then before I could move or say anything he cupped my face in both his hands. I could not read the emotion that played across his face, in his eyes but I felt the heat of it and it was unnerving.

He whispered. “You honour me greatly.” And then much to my great surprised he kissed me passionately on the lips in front of everyone who was in the hall. I was so stunned by this turn of events that I did not notice that all around me each and everyone in the hall had also removed their masks and that the atmosphere in the hall had gone from austere and serious to charged and celebratory. The cheering was deafening.

I might have stayed locked in Za’ar’s embrace forever, searching his eyes for answers to what exactly had just occurred but Navaari was not letting that happen. He pulled me in to a crushing hug and then pushed me back held me by my shoulders at arm's length. For this first time since I had met him I got to look at his face. He was a lot older than I had imagined. His strong featured, square jaw face was weathered and lined and there were snow white streaks in his long blue black hair, beginning at his temples and trailing to past his broad shoulders. He was a mountain of a man. He grinned at my expression.

“Not what you expected?” he asked.

“No.” I reached up to touch him then hesitated, unsure if it was allowed. He caught my hand and completed the motion so that my palm lay flat against his cheek. He cupped my hand with his.

“But good, yes?”

I nodded not trusting my voice. How was it that I could have formed such a powerful connection with this person I barely knew?

“Tjällh,” he placed the flat of my hand against the center of his broad chest. I could feel the beat of his heart through the soft fabric of his shirt. “This bond, it is a gift, rare and precious. I feel it. It is as though we have known one another for many years. Accept it, do not question it. This Universe is full of strange and magical things, it has always been so. This is simply one of the wonders. We find friends, family, bond mates and there is no why there only is.”

I fought the tears that welled up in my eyes, too much emotion and I felt it keenly. His face softened and he nodded. “We are now family. This is a good thing.” He pulled me into another rib cracking embrace and then let me go. I looked at him then looked around me. He and everyone else around me had the same beautiful pale blue hue to their skin, long black hair and the same eerie glowing red eyes. It was a little unnerving to be the only one who was different. He patted my hand and smiled. I nodded and drew a deep breath. How was it that I could be such an outsider and yet feel as though I had found a home? I didn’t understand it.

“Come I will show you to where you stay with us and you can get ready for the celebration. No masks, no hiding. Now we will eat and dance and enjoy everything life has to offer. There is a storm howling outside but we will be louder inside.” He said. “Now, follow me.”

With Za’ar following very close behind me I followed Navaari out of the main hall down through a series of deeper tunnels to an area that opened up on to a large, bright space. I had not imagined that despite being underground the rooms would be so airy and spacious. In the center was a fire place that was unlit and all around were doorways. He led us to the door on the very left. The doors were old fashioned and had handles to open them. It led to a small suite with a small sitting area and a tiny kitchen.

“Your room is here, A’myshk’a.” he said opening up a door to a small but amazingly cozy little bedroom. Yours,” He said to Za’ar, “adjoins through that door and opens to the living area there.” He walked through the living area and showed me where the ‘fresher was and how everything worked. “We heat from geothermal source.” Navaari explained. “This complex is mostly under the ground.”

I looked around. It was beautiful. The furniture was carved and made from either wood or stone. The lighting was the same glowing globes and candles that I had seen before. There were beautiful carvings and sculptures decorating the shelves and tables. I was beginning to realise that not only were the Dantassi great hunters and trackers but they were also capable of producing the most astonishing works of art as well.

“I shall let you get yourselves ready, A’myshk’a, there are clothes for you in your room.” Navaari said, “I wait for you out there.” And he turned and left us alone, closing the door behind him.

I turned and looked at Za’ar who in turn looked at me. The silence was palpable and I was the one who broke it.

“You kissed me.” I said.

He smiled. “Yes, I did.”

“In front of all of those people.”

He nodded.

“I thought we were supposed to be keeping that aspect of what ever this thing between us is a secret.” I asked.

“It was appropriate to the situation.” He said in that tone of voice which told me he wasn’t going to elaborate. “Get dressed, something you can dance in, there will be a lot of that.” And he vanished into his room.

With a sigh and shake of my head I went to my own room to get changed. Navaari had not been joking about the clothing, there was a closet full of things to wear. They were not new though and as I brushed my hand over them I picked up images and sensations of a pretty young woman with long black hair and laughing eyes. I wasn’t sure who she was but she had been happy here.

The clothing was an assortment of hand woven cloth or softened animal hide and each piece was in its own way elegant. There were shirts and trousers, skirts and blouses and dresses. I chose a mid calf length dress and leggings to match that had been made from a soft, fine leather. The dress was dyed a deep forest green colour and had been decorated with intricate embroidered patterns of spirals and flowers, embellished by tiny glass beads. It was beautiful. There were slipper like shoes that had tiny beaded flowers decorating them, which matched the dress. To my surprise they fit as though they had been made for me. I took my hair down and let it fall about my shoulders and face. When I felt ready I left the room and joined Navaari and Za’ar.

Navaari smiled when he saw me. “I hoped the clothes would fit you.” He said, and then before I could ask he continued. “They belonged to my daughter, when she was about your age. It is good to see them being used again.”

I didn’t know what to say. I felt suddenly very shy.

“Come, we go now, or you will miss this celebration and it is for you!” Navaari said, breaking the awkward silence.

The great hall had been filled with tables. Navaari led us to the one that was ours and we sat. The food was unlike anything I had ever eaten before, and while some of the meats and sauces were for me a bit of an acquired taste, I tried a little of everything that was offered. The water was cold and clear and was the best I had ever had in my life. The wine was a similar pale blue to the wine from Csilla that Thrawn had once shared with me. It was neither sweet nor dry and had the flavour of berries. It was very strong and heady.

People kept coming up to the table and touched both Za’ar and I on the shoulders, on the hands or making that strange three fingered touch to the forehead. It was a little unnerving and I had to fight not to shy away from them.

“It is their way of welcoming you.” Navaari explained. “They mean no harm and most here do not speak basic fluently. We do try to teach it but many of our people do not leave this world and see no use for the learning of a language they feel is harsh and ugly.”

Once the feasting had finished, people began to clear away the tables and I watched as musicians began to pull out their instruments and warm up. There were drums and stringed instruments that were either plucked or played with a bow depending on their size, strange wind instruments that created an eerie almost howling wind like sound. I watched with fascination as they began to play and suddenly understood where the music that I had danced to on Myrkr had come from. I looked at Za’ar but his face gave nothing away.

I was surprised at the speed and volume at which the music was played, and it was not long before the dancers took to the floor. At first it was a performance and the steps were memorizing. Some were intricate circular dances that involved the weaving in and out of each other’s arms, while others were more sets of four and the patterns square and box like. I had never seen anything like it and I was drawn in by the complicated beauty of it all.
Suddenly the show was over and everyone who had been watching joined in the dancing. I stood back, observing, would have stayed that way but Navaari wasn’t going to let that happen. He did not even ask, he simply grabbed my arm and swept me into the whirling circle of people. The music was infectious and while I was uncertain of the steps at first, they were easy to learn. Something I discovered about this was that once you were on the dance floor it was very hard to actually escape from it. Every time I tried to make my way back to the corner I had been standing in, hands grasped mine and hauled me back into the next set. I kept looking for Za’ar and once or twice I caught sight of him weaving in and out of a circle. I could not have imagined him laughing as he was or being as relaxed as he looked in this place. I could not superimpose the image of this man I was here and now with over the one I knew from the Empire in his perfect Imperial uniform and impeccable manners. I knew in my heart that they were the same person but it was two utterly different pictures. I wondered what the Emperor would say if he could see Thrawn now, then it occurred to me that perhaps it was this strange duality that made Thrawn so unique. Thinking about the Empire led to thoughts of Jyrki. Perhaps it was these thoughts which instilled the sudden sadness within me, I was not really sure. I just knew that suddenly the laughter and the music, the noise and the whirling motion of all these people dancing was too much for me and I had to get away. I broke away from the hands holding mine and slipped through the twisting, turning crowd to find myself at the front of the great hall. I felt a strange sense of panic rising in my chest and without really thinking about it fled from the hall altogether.

I found the main entrance and slipped through the great doors. Outside the storm howled and raged but I was sheltered by a large porch like structure so I could stand and watch the wildness without being in it. I was struck first by the cold, and then by the utter opaqueness of the snow. The wind was like a living creature and it was furious. The noise of it was so familiar to me, sand storms sounded very much like this, yet the mournful quality or perhaps the coldness of it instilled a melancholy in me that was hard to shake. I breathed in and out, fascinated by the white lacy mist of my own breath that hung on the air for a second only to be whipped away by a gust of stray wind that flung snow into my face. I was glad of the solitude but it did not last long.

Navaari slipped a blanket over my shoulders. Then he lit the pipe he had brought with him and took a long thoughtful draw from it. The tobacco was sweet and strong and made for a strange mix with the icy scent of the snow. I cuddled into the warmth of the blanket. I was colder than I wanted to admit.

“Good that you did not venture too far away, easy to get lost in a storm like this. When the white-outs come, you cannot see past your hand sometimes.” Navaari said. “And you should dress better when you want to go outside.”

“How cold is it?”

“By your reckoning, around minus twenty but with the wind it feels much colder.” He smiled slightly. “And this is by our standards warm.”

I looked at him. “How long could a person live in weather like this?”

He shrugged. “Depends on what clothings are worn. Like you now are dressed,” he shook his head. “Perhaps a few hours not more and you not long at all, you are unused to this cold. Look, already you shiver. With the proper clothings, in the right layers then who knows, hours or maybe days? You must keep your head, your neck and wrists covered. Then it depends on how well fed and watered you are. Energy is needed for the body to stay warm and it takes a lot to stay warm in such cold as this. You would not last so long, tiny little thing. You are too thin.”

“Have you ever been out in weather like this?” I asked ignoring his comments.

“Many times, but I have learned since a small child how to live in this environment. I know how to survive here. I would say that if I were to be on your home world then you would know what to do and I would be lost. I am unused to extreme heat.”

I laughed. “I think you would survive just fine.”

He just smiled and smoked his pipe. “Are you cold enough now to wish to return indoors?”

“Not yet. Too many people, it’s too much. I needed some quiet.” I said trying not to shiver.

“And this is not loud?” he asked with a smile, indicating the wind and the storm.

I just smiled because I was certain he already knew the answer to that then asked. “Why did he bring me here?”

Navaari was silent for a long moment. “Because I requested it.” He said. “And because he has fear.”

“Afraid? He’s not afraid of anything.” I said.

Navaari gave me a long steady look. “Of course he is. All living creatures know fear. Some just hide it better than others.”

“What was he afraid of?”

“You need to ask Nikätza’arth’pavjäska this question.” He answered simply.

Men and their secrets. I just sighed and looked out into the darkness and watched the swirling snow.

He tapped his pipe against the wall, knocking out the last of the smouldering tobacco and then tucked it back into his coat. “He worries for you, Tjällh. As do I.”

“He told you what happened.” It wasn’t a question.

“Only what he knows, yes. He says that you will not speak of it.”

I shrugged and pulled the blanket closer around my shoulders. “There is nothing to speak of.” I said coldly.

Navaari nodded. “When you are ready there will be words enough.” He said sagely. “Now before you freeze to death will you please come inside?”

I did as he asked, grateful for the sudden warmth. Back in the main hall the celebration was in full swing but I didn’t much feel like joining in, so I watched. The sea of people, blue skinned, black hair and glowing red eyes, swirling about the great hall, their laughter and their voices carrying over the music. It was a peculiar feeling to be the single outsider. I had never thought about being alien before, but here that is exactly what I was. Even though I had grown up on Tatooine and lived most of my life in Mos Eisley, perhaps the city most heavily populated by many different alien species, I had never felt as though I were on the outside. Here, with my pale pink skin, red hair and grey blue eyes, I stood out. I wondered why Thrawn and Navaari had brought me here, why making me a part of their people’s culture and lives had been so important, and what it all meant in the long run. I knew this was supposed to be a night of great celebration and that everyone seemed genuinely pleased to welcome me into their tribe but it made me despondent. I had no idea why though which was even more depressing. I looked over the mass of people for Navaari and Za’ar. They along with several other men were standing in the far corner having what looked to be a deep and maybe even heated conversation. I wondered what they were talking about. It became clear to me that I would have to learn this language sooner rather than later. My mother had once told me that one of the most important keys to understanding an alien culture was to learn its language. She had never been more right than now. Thinking of her made me even more morose, I was just not in a celebratory mood. I looked once more over at where Navaari and Za’ar were and then, like a ghost, I slipped away.

The little guest quarters were warm and cozy. Someone had lit a fire in the small fireplace and there was a tray of food and drink set up on a table in the corner. I looked around but I was alone and I was relieved for it. I changed out of the clothes into a long night dress and with a datapad book I curled up on the small couch in front of the fire and began to read but I could not concentrate at all. After an hour I gave up, went to bed and tried to sleep. That was also a complete failure. Instead I lay, straining my ears to hear when Za’ar returned. I had kept a single candle a light in my room, because I could no longer bear to sleep in a dark room with no windows. I watched as the dancing light from the flame created strange shadows on the walls. Eventually, I drifted into an uneasy sleep that was plagued by fragmented dreams and a nightmare which eventually woke me, gasping for breath like a drowning man. The candle had gone out and I had to fight the panic that rose in my chest to choke me as I searched for light.

I had no idea what time it was and I didn’t care. I only knew I needed to get out. With a grim determination I dressed warmly, remembering all that Navaari had said. I put on layers of clothes and finished with the warm boots, the mitts and the long heavy coat he had given me when he had met us at the landing pad. I slipped my bone mask in its satchel and slung it over my shoulder. It was not my intention to stray far from the main entrance but I wanted to be outside and I could stay out longer with better clothing. I left my room quietly, noticing that the door to the room where Thrawn slept was open. I had not heard him come back and for a moment I hesitated near the doorway torn between looking to see if he was really there and wanting to just leave. In the end I just slipped away.

The whole place was quiet, as though the energy of the celebrations had given way to restful exhaustion. I stood in the great hall for a moment surveying the chaos left behind. The Dantassi certainly knew how to celebrate. The hall was huge when it was empty and strangely peaceful. I sighed and turned away from it all and made my way to the main entrance and then I went outside. The storm raged still, if anything it seemed to have gotten worse. It was as beautiful as it was fearsome and I marvelled at its power.

As a child I had always loved storms. I had loved everything about them, the wildness, the ferocity and the sheer pure energy. My mother had once come into my room when I was very small, worried that I was scared by a particularly bad sandstorm only to find me standing on my tip toes to watch it through the cracks in the shutters of the window. I wondered now, as I stood in the archway of the front entrance if this love of storms was somehow connected to my own weirding ways. I wondered if some part of me fed off the wild energy such weather had to give. I knew that I felt more alive when I was in the middle of some wild weather then when skies were clear and calm.

I wondered, suddenly, what it was like to stand in the middle of this howling blizzard, to be engulfed in its natural and blind fury and without considering the consequences I stepped out of the shelter of the entrance and into the storm. The wind stole my breath and the snow stung my face as it smashed against my skin. I drew out the bone mask and placed it on my face. I drew the hood of the coat tightly around my head and turned around. I could still make out the vague shape of the Main Hall entrance way and the lights that adorned it but every now and then a huge gust of wind would sweep more snow around me and I would see nothing but the snow. I stood in wonder at this and without understanding why I turned my back on the entrance and began to walk. In the back of my head I knew this was not very smart but I was beyond caring. I was so tired of the nightmares and the fear. I was so fed up of everything and this strange numb sensation that had over taken my life. I just wanted an out and vanishing into this storm and snow was the perfect way to go. I was not cold and I just kept walking. Had I stopped for even a moment to think, I would have been appalled at what I was doing. Sometimes, I was just so incredibly stupid.

The Warm Beneath the Winter 3

2006-02-20T20:11:00.000+01:00

It was cold. Rothana had been cold but this was colder. The sky was a weird silvery grey colour. The wind was strong, sharp and cutting plus it had started to snow. I was not dressed nearly warmly enough for this. I could see Navaari was waiting for us just across the landing pad. I hid behind Thrawn as he walked down the ship’s ramp so that he would shelter me just a little. The ship closed up and he slung the bags over his shoulders. I followed his steps exactly so I would not fall knee deep into the snow. My head was hunkered down and I had bundled myself up as much as possible because I was freezing. The wind was so cold it hurt. It was a completely new experience for me and I wasn’t sure what to make of it. I bumped into Thrawn’s back when he stopped and fell back landing on my ass in the snow. The snow was cold and I tried to shake it off my hands before it made me even colder.

“You look like a jax with wet paws.” Navaari’s deep bass laughter boomed around me as he picked me up effortlessly and set me on my feet. “Welcome to Hjal!” he said. I could not see his face but I could see the twinkle of merriment in his eyes. I brushed myself off and watched as he grasped Thrawn by the shoulders and they touched Forehead to forehead. Navaari was much taller than I had remembered. They spoke to each other in Dantassi-Cheunh and laughed. Then Thrawn moved aside and Navaari came to me. He tucked two fingers under my chin and raised my face. I was shivering despite the cloak I was wearing.

“We are well met Akiana’myshk’apavjäska. It is good to be seeing you alive and well. Come, I have brought clothings to keep you warm.” He said as he led us to where a long, low to the ground, sled was sitting on the snow, there were small furry shapes curled up on the snow in front of the sled but I couldn’t see exactly what they were. He took something from the box on the back of the sled and handed it to me. It was a heavy fur lined coat made of animal skins, large and long. He helped me slip it on and showed me how to use the bone toggles to fasten it. He pulled the fur trimmed hood up over my head and fastened it so that it would not slip back when the wind blew. I felt like a little kid.

“You lose most of your body heat through your head so keep the hood up, the mask is protecting your face.” He said. He handed me a pair of mittens that were made the same way as the coat and then handed me a pair of skin and fur boots.

“Those boots you wear will not keep this cold out. Change now. You will thank me later. It is unpleasant to get ice-burn.”

So I did as he said and watched as he tucked my boots, along with our bags in the box tied on the sled. I had to admit I was a great deal warmer now that I was wearing better clothes.

“We go now. You arrive just in time. A big weather system is moving in and this storm will bad, at least three days it will lock us in.” He said. He nodded at Thrawn who sat on the sled with his back against the box. Guided by Navaari’s hands, I sat between Thrawn’s legs and he wrapped his arms tightly about me.

“This way, Tjällh, you will not fall off.” Navaari said with a chuckle, patting me on the shoulder. “Nikätza’arth’pavjäska, hold on to her now. She is so small we will lose her in this weather if she comes off the sled!” He said. I remembered that here no one knew him as Thrawn.

I was not prepared when Navaari gave a yip sound and what had been small furry bundles of snow suddenly stood up and became very large wolf like animals that howled as they shook the snow off themselves, I jumped. With another slightly different sound they suddenly began to move in unison. The sled lurched and I was utterly grateful for the strong arms that held me in place and the legs which braced at my sides. I glanced back and looked at Navaari. He was standing on the ends of the sled’s runners, behind the box, holding on the back brace that arched over the box at the back of the sled. I turned my glance to Thrawn who, in his mask, was Za’ar. He just gave me a tight squeeze and pulled me back against his body. There was nothing else to do but hold on, sit tight and enjoy the ride.

The sled moved at a surprisingly swift pace, the wolf-hound like creatures, harnessed two by two, ran as a perfect team, it was amazing to watch. The wind rushed past us and the snow was falling faster and faster. It was a little like being in a sand storm except that snow was cold and everything was white. I was glad of the bone mask which kept the wind off my face. I huddled as close to Za’ar as I could. We were going so fast and there was nothing to see except white, so I closed my eyes and found myself relaxing. It was the weirdest place in the world to fall asleep but that is what I did. It reminded me of when I was a small child and had gone travelling on some cargo haul transports with my father. I almost always used to fall asleep on the way home, that not quite deeply asleep state that children often find themselves in. I was aware of my surroundings, I was aware that I was travelling. I could hear voices speaking but could never recall what was said afterwards. We would arrive home and my father would lift me out of the seat and carry me into the house. There was something magical about these moments that whispered of being safe. I was aware that Navaari and Za’ar were talking but their conversation was just words lost on the wind. The journey felt as though it had taken an hour or more but I couldn’t tell for sure. I dozed in and out of the world. At one point I remembered smiling because this was not the first time I had fallen asleep in this man’s arms, it was a nice sensation and for this pocket of time, I didn’t want to be any place else in the entire galaxy.

I knew we had stopped. I could hear the yip and yowls of the wolf–hounds as they settled. I could hear Navaari talk to them. I felt Za’ar move but he didn’t get up. He spoke to Navaari in their language and the next thing I knew was a pair of strong arms lifting me up.

“Tjällh, you are as light as a snow flake, lucky for you the wind gods did not want to steal you away.” Navaari whispered in my ear as he brought me inside where ever it was that we were. I wanted to open my eyes but they were just so heavy. He laid me down and got me out of the heavy coat which he then put over me like a blanket. I just curled up and drifted in and out of a dozy sleep.

“The ceremony is planned for tonight in three hours.” Navaari said to Za’ar in basic. “Let her rest until then. It will be a long night.”

“That she sleeps at all is a blessing.” Za’ar replied quietly. He sounded tired. There was a moment of silence and then they switched to Dantassi-Cheunh. I listened to the sound of their voices. Theirs was a musical language and it was pleasing to hear but I understood nothing. The conversation turned serious at some point and from the tone of Navaari’s voice he and Za’ar were not in agreement over something. Maybe it had to do with me because I had heard my name but mostly it was just tone and words. I tuned them out and eventually slept for real.

I woke up slowly on my own. No screaming, no nightmares. The first thing I realised was that my face was bare, I wasn’t masked but I didn’t remember taking it off.

“How do you feel?” Za’ar asked. I looked up and saw him sitting quietly in the chair across from the couch I was on. He had been reading a data pad.

“I’m not wearing my mask.” I said, the grogginess making me slow.

“I took it off after Kirja’navaar’inkjerii left, more comfortable for you.” He said coming to sit next to me. “How do you feel?” he asked again.

“Sleepy, waking up, where’s the ‘fresher?” I asked.

“Through that door there.” He said, pointing.

When I came back he had poured me a cup of tea.

“We have about half an hour before the ceremony. Once that happens we will move. This is just a guest house, separate from the main complex. Navaari has a place for us in his home when this is over with. He already took the bags with him.” He handed me a cup of hot liquid.

I cradled the cup in my hands. The tea had a smoky flavour to it that reminded me of a camp fire. He had sweetened it with honey.

“The ceremony will be in Dantassi-Cheunh, I will try to translate as much as I can for you and tell you when you need to say anything but it is straight forward enough.” He said. “Just follow my lead.”

I nodded and finished my tea. I must admit it helped me to feel better. A few moments before there was a knock at the door, he handed me my mask which I slipped on.

“This is a good thing, A’myshk’a. Do not be nervous, or worried.” He told me as he put on his own mask. “This ritual is rare and for one such as you, unheard of. It is a great honour for both you and me. Enjoy it.” He opened the door and Navaari motioned for us to follow him.

I had not felt this sort of nerves since the first time I was to dance in public. I remembered my training and I did the only thing I could, I breathed deeply.

“Let us go, it is not wise to keep the High Elder waiting.” Navaari said. “Do not worry, Tjällh, he will not be biting you!” he chuckled, patting my shoulder.

The Warm Beneath the Winter 2

2006-02-17T20:02:00.000+01:00

I watched with a mix of astonishment and annoyance as Thrawn punched in a code and opened my ship.

“She's all set to go, Sir.” The young landing dock worker told him.

“Thank you, Mr. Keach.” Thrawn replied taking the data pad from the young man’s outstretched hand. He didn’t say anything to me at all; he just walked on board with my stuff leaving me to follow him before the door closed. He made his way to the bridge, dropping my bag outside the crew quarters door. I tagged after him.

“How the hell did you open up my ship? I changed all the codes.” I asked as he began the pre-flight check list.

“You should know the answer to that.” He said as he sat in the pilot's seat.

“You're sitting in my chair and last time I checked the registration papers, this was still my ship.” I said crossly, my hands on my hips.

He sighed, stood up, took me by the shoulders and pushed me into the co-pilot’s chair. “You are still half cut on brandy which means you are not flying. So sit down and enjoy the ride.” Before I could say anything else he had strapped me into the seat as though I were a small child and then sitting back down in the pilot’s seat, slipped on the head set and was setting take off procedure.

I looked at him, watching his start the engines and set the flight plan. “You had a black backdoor installed in my ship.” I said. “That’s how you could override the new codes.”

“Thought it might be good to have options.” He answered. I felt my stomach do a little lurch as we lifted off from the docking pad.

“A black backdoor code is illegal! You gave this ship to me, you had no right!”

He glanced over at me and raised an eyebrow. “Yes, it was given to you, but you still work for the Empire and the Empire likes to keep its options open. So, before you get yourself worked up into a complete knot about it, you should be aware that only I knew about the backdoor and it was a precaution in case something happened to you. I’ve seen you work on ship’s computers remember, you are good at what you do so it seemed like a smart idea to have an extra key, in a manner of speaking, one you would not find right away.”

I didn’t say anything as the ship shuddered its way out of the atmosphere. I knew he wasn’t lying and I knew that he had been well within his rights to do what he had done. I watched how he handled the Ahnkeli’ Su’udelma. I could tell by the sureness of his touch, by how he manoeuvred the ship that he was good at this too. There was nothing for me to do except sit back and enjoy the ride, so that’s what I did. I loved it when the ship passed through the upper atmosphere and the shaking stopped, when the air gave way to space and instead of a hazy blue there was a deep velvety black littered with billions of stars. I never tired of that moment when we broke free from the planet’s gravity and soared smooth. Once past the atmosphere the ship levelled out and I unstrapped.

“Where are you going?” Thrawn asked as he set the nav computer.

“As far away from you as I can without having to wear a suit!” I was still cross and my head buzzed.

“Well while you are getting away from me, you can make yourself useful and make some coffee.” He said.

I spun around and with hands on hips stared at him. “This is MY ship! You don’t own me and you don’t order me around.”

He smiled coolly. “Not this trip, my dear. This time I am in command and you will do as you are told.”

I stood and stared at him. I wasn’t sure I knew this man. “When did you get so bossy?”

“You have no idea.” He said more to himself than to me then relented a little. “If I say please, will you make coffee?”

“You’re going to let me operate the stove?”

“I think you can manage not to blow us up and it’s not as if you’ll lose your stove operations certification if you make coffee under the influence.” He smirked as he set the last of the controls. We’d be heading into hyperspace in a few seconds. I waited for the hyperdrive to kick in, listened to the pitch of its whine and smiled. It was in good shape, sounded perfectly normal. The stars stopped for a split second and then elongated. The ship lurched and then we slipped into hyperspace. I never ever tired of it. Thrawn glanced up at me and arched an eyebrow. “You need instructions on how to find the galley?” he asked.

I opened my mouth to reply and then shut it again. I wasn’t going to win this conversation so I gave up. The truth of the matter was I wanted coffee too. It was early and I was starting to feel the effects of a hangover coming on. “Fine.” I said and stomped off to the galley.

Making coffee was relaxing, actually and while I was waiting for it to brew I poked around to see what he had done to my ship. Certainly there were new supplies on board and I smiled when I saw the fresh milk, fruits and what looked like meat for supper in the small refrigerator. I was sitting at the small dining table when Thrawn joined me. He poured two cups of coffee, dug out some sweet rolls and set them on a plate.

“Breakfast.” He said offering me a sweet roll. “Eat.”

“So, where are we going?” I asked sipping at my coffee. It was hot, creamy and the best thing I had tasted in a while.

“Hjal.” He said.

“Navaari? We’re going to see Navaari?”

He nodded. “When he learned that you had been found he sent word that now was a good time to pay a visit.”

“He knows what happened?” I asked wearily.

Thrawn nodded. “I sent word to them shortly after I found you missing. The Dantassi are among the best trackers and hunters in the galaxy. I didn’t think it would hurt to have extra eyes and ears keeping a look out for you.”

I nibbled at the sweet roll. “How long till we get there?”

“Present course and speed, around forty six hours or so.” He said.

“Two days.” I sighed. “I just got away from being cooped up.”

He cocked his head to one side. “I thought you loved being in space. I thought you loved this ship.”

“I do.” I said. “But I like the open sky even more at the moment.”

He nodded. “Hjal has plenty of that.”

“But it’s cold, right?”

He grinned, got up poured us both a second cup of coffee and sat back down again. “Yes, it is cold, although it’s actually late spring at the moment so it's not quite so bad.”

“Define ‘not quiet so bad’.” I said sipping my coffee.

“In the winter, the temperature on Hjal is somewhere around minus forty to fifty degrees centigrade and in the summer it sometimes can get as high as ten degrees above the freezing point. Of course this depends on where one lives. Navaari’s clan live closer to the Northern pole, so right about now during the day it might get up to five above and at night, if the weather is good, hover somewhere around the minus twenty or thirty mark, depends on the winds.”

“Blessed almighty sarlacc that’s cold!” I whispered. “I’ll freeze to death.”

“I doubt that will happen. Kirja’navaar’inkjerii will see to it that you have the right clothing for traveling outside. I hope you do venture out because it is an extraordinarily beautiful place. I am quite certain you have never ridden a sled pulled by snow wolves across ice tundra before. And this time of year you might see the auroras that dance in the sky.”

“Auroras?”

He smiled. “Sky-fire, dancing lights in the night sky caused by the collision of electrons and atoms of the upper atmosphere. While Hjal’s sun doesn’t provide much heat it sends out intense solar winds and the planet has a powerful magnetic field. The best time to see them is spring and autumn so I am hoping you will be treated to a show.”

“We don’t get anything like that on Tatooine.” I said. “At least I have never seen anything like that on the planet and never heard tell tale of it.”

“Well, Tatooine, I am sure, has other amazing natural phenomenon.” He said.

“Yeah, heat.” I said tersely.

He laughed. “I’ll make certain you are not cold.”

I gave him a look.

He gave me a slow lazy smile. “Finish your breakfast.” He replied, getting up from the table, refilling his cup and headed up to the cockpit. “Oh I brought some books for you to read, electronic form I’m afraid but I think you will find them interesting. They’re on your bunk. When you’re done eating, I suggest some rest.

“All I have done for the last two months is rest.” I snapped.

“That wasn’t rest.” He replied as he left. “That was imprisonment.”

“What the hell do you call this?” I yelled after him.

“A holiday!” came the answer.

I sighed. There was just no winning with that man. I finished my coffee and the roll then decided that my bunk took precedence over everything else and I went to lie down. I grabbed my bag and settled in for the flight. I looked at the books Thrawn had brought for me and smiled. I tucked myself into the upper berth and started to read. The book was good but I was more tired than I thought. I didn’t remember falling asleep but the next thing I knew was Thrawn shaking me gently on the shoulder, waking me and asking me if I wanted to get up for supper.

“I slept?”

He nodded.

“How long?” I asked getting up.

“Almost seven hours.” He said giving me a hand down from the bunk.

“Seven hours straight, I didn’t wake up screaming or anything?”

“No, you slept. I did check several times to make sure you had not suddenly vanished.”

I frowned at him. “What did you put in the coffee to make me sleep?”

“Nothing.” He said coldly at the suggestion. “But you feel safe here and you like being on board this ship, maybe it was just the sounds of the engines that were soothing.”

“I always did sleep well on board ships.”

“I know people like you, more at home in space on a ship than planet side.” He said, his expression softening. “The food is getting cold.”

“I haven’t slept like that in a long time. In fact I don’t remember the last time I slept for nine hours straight through.” I said digging out my toothbrush. “I’ll be there in a moment.” He smiled and left me to wake up. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad after all.

It was a little surreal to be back on board my ship with Thrawn. It brought back a lot of memories and the ship was not so big that I could avoid him all the time. I tried as much as I could to stay out of his way, preferring isolation to company. I read the books he had brought for me and did my duties when I was called on to do so. I spent a lot of time in the engine room where it was warm and I felt my most comfortable. The first seven hours of good sleep were also my last and after this I slept fitfully often waking up, if not screaming, thinking I had, gasping for breath. More than once I had woken Thrawn as well and it had taken him some time to calm me down. I had always been prone to night mares but this was worse than ever. I had taken to dozing in the engine room because at least there when I woke up yelling blue murder it was drowned out by the noise of the hyperdrive itself.

Thrawn had tried to talk to me about it, tried to draw out from me what had happened, what Jyrki had done but I would not and could not speak about it. We fought a lot and these fights usually ended up with him being tight lipped and terse and me yelling and throwing what ever was handy at the time. I did not understand how things could have gotten so bad between us because he was the one person in the entire galaxy I trusted, the one person I wanted to be with in every way possible but I could not talk to him about what I had gone through and I didn’t know why.

We were a couple of hours away from Hjal’s atmosphere when he came to find me. I didn’t hear him come and I got a start when he hunched down at my side and touched my arm. I was deep into the book I was reading and the engine hum blocked out anything else.

“Come with me, I have something for you.” He said helping me to my feet. Wordlessly I followed him up to the mess area. He was fully dressed in his Dantassi clothing, he looked elegant and mysterious all at the same time.

“You know enough about the Dantassi to know that when we land you will need to have your face covered.” He said. I nodded. “The last time I saw Kirja’navaar’inkjerii he mentioned that only children paint their faces and he gave me something to pass on to you.” He said handing me an animal skin bag. I took it gingerly and gasped when I opened it up. The bone mask was very beautiful.

“He made this especially for you. No one has ever worn this mask before.” He explained.

I turned it over in my hands, touching the surface that had been polished until it was glass smooth. The markings that Thrawn had drawn in blood upon my face when he had given me my name were etched into the bone and were coloured black. The inside of the mask was lined with what looked like animal hide which was soft and buttery, but I could not see how it was worn, there were no visible straps.

“It used to be that the masks were tied with leather strips but the Dantassi have combined nanotechnology with the craftsmanship of the ancients. It will feel a little strange at first but the mask will meld with your face. Don’t fight it let it do its work.”

I was a bit sceptical but I did as he asked and placed the mask over my face. It was very odd. The leather, which wasn’t really leather at all, shifted and formed, somehow sticking, if that was the right word, to my face. It wasn’t painful or uncomfortable it was just strange, as though I had suddenly grown a second layer of skin.

“How do I get it off?” I asked unable to keep from touching the smooth exterior of the mask.

Thrawn guided my fingertips to the upper left edge of the mask, at my temple. There were three tiny notches carved into the bone. He placed my three fingers and pushed then into the notches. The mask peeled away from my face as through it were nothing more than a light cloth instead of bone.

“Well, that’s different.” I said.

He smiled. “The Dantassi are unafraid of technology and this makes wearing the mask so much easier.”

“But you tie yours.”

“Mine is an antique which I have not yet altered.” He said, “And I am used to it. Kirja’navaar’inkjerii thought that this would be easier for you.”

“It certainly beats the face paint. I take it I should get changed and that the clothes you gave me are suitable?” I asked.

He nodded. “We will be landing in about forty minutes. Kirja’navaar’inkjerii will be waiting for us and we will be taken by sled to the village. The housing complex, the village is underground for the most part. It is bright and spacious but not outside. No locked doors, I promise.”

“I guess I will just have to deal with that.”

“I know this trip has not been easy for you,” he said gently, “but I think this will do you the world of good and it will stop Kirja’navaar’inkjerii from nagging at me.” He wanted to say more but instead there was just a silence that was neither comforting nor awkward. I held the mask in my hands and studied his face, trying to read his emotions and thoughts. There was concern in his eyes and other things I could not decipher. He caressed my face with the flat of his hand. I had to move away from his touch. The emotion that caress brought to the surface was almost physically painful. I couldn’t deal with it. I saw the flash of hurt in his expression but he hid it swiftly and well.

I went to apologise for what would have been the billionth time but he placed a fingertip upon my lips. “Stop. You have done nothing to say sorry for so don’t say it.”

With a sigh, I nodded. “I guess I’ll get dressed now. I take it you are piloting us down?”

“Yes.” He nodded. “So you have lots of time to get ready. Come and join me on the bridge when you are done”

I took my time as I got into the Dantassi clothes. The finishing touches were the necklace amulets that I had been given. I still wore the ma’arilite necklace though and I wasn’t taking that off. I tucked it under all the layers of clothing. With my mask in hand I made my way up to the bridge and took my seat in the co pilot’s chair. As we made the very bumpy ride down through the atmosphere I placed the mask over my face and became Akiana’myshk’apavjäska. It was a strange transformation and suddenly I was nervous about facing Navaari again. Nervous about the whole idea of everything this trip entailed.
Thrawn must have sensed this because he looked at me as we touched down on the snow covered landing pad.

“You have nothing to fear here.” He said as he turned off the ship’s controls. “This is a safe place. I cannot think of any place safer at the moment.” He unstrapped, got up and offered me his hand. “Come on, time to see what you think of life in the cold.” He said. I watched as he slipped into a fur lined coat and heavy gloves and knew I was indeed, going to freeze my butt off.

The Warm Beneath the Winter 1

2006-02-14T17:02:00.000+01:00

It was not until I was actually back on Coruscant that they informed me that I had been relocated. My flat had been deemed unsafe and I had been given a new home. My father would have called that shutting the cargo door after all the shipment has fallen out. Human Resources gave me two days to pack my world and move it from the place I had called home to the new one. At first I had been angry and was more than a little vocal about it but when I saw my new home I decided that I had gotten a better deal. It had taken me only a few hours to pack my belongings and move them with the help of a small repulser cart. I didn’t have that much and most of what I had acquired in the last year were clothes.

My new home was in the older part of the palace, closer to my favourite balcony and the secret library the Emperor had given me access to. I loved the architecture in this part of the palace, the high ceilings and the large windows. It was a larger space, with a better view, a nice kitchen and a really amazing bathroom. It was bright and cheerful and because it was in the old part of the palace the floors were of antique polished wood. I instantly felt at home. It took me about as long to unpack as it had to stuff all my things in the boxes provided. I had poked through the cupboards and discovered where the dishes, pots, pans, kettle, tea pot, cups and glasses were kept. I would have to rearrange everything again, but I didn’t really mind that, it kept my mind busy.

Lord Vader had been true to his word and for the two weeks I was on board the Executor he had trained with me physically. I had missed training with someone during my captivity. The energy exchange and adrenaline rush. Of course being taught by and allowed to spar with Lord Vader was like nothing else imaginable. He was as fast as he was unforgiving. If you did not learn swiftly from the mistakes you made then you paid for them dearly. He had no tolerance for weakness especially when he knew if he pushed at you, you would do better. Part of me welcomed this because it was easy to focus on the deep seated rage this stirred up inside.

He had attempted to teach me about control but the lessons frustrated me almost as much as they did him and usually ended up in a screaming match or a nasty sparring bout. I was a difficult student, I always wanted to run before I could walk and learning to control something that had been stifled and uncontrolled my whole life was just not easy. Now, it was even harder to deal with because I could not find any peace from within, no matter how much I meditated I could not maintain that stillness. I could call up the emotions I felt and I could send them flying about the room until one would swear one could see sparks flying but it was a wild sort of magic and I had no ability to control it. It was either all or nothing. We fed off each other, my fear and hesitation against his anger and impatience. Yet for all the conflict, I learned and much to my surprise made some progress in what Lord Vader said was actually a very difficult field to master. Despite his words to the contrary he did not seem displeased with my progress. I was under stern orders to continue practicing everything he had taught me. Lord Vader and his fleet were off hunting rebels somewhere near Reytha and I was supposed to stay on Coruscant, catch up with the office work and most of all recover.

Recover. It was a simple enough word but its implications were anything but. I wasn’t sleeping well and I seemed to spend a great deal of time in a weird state of expectation. Waiting for the other shoe to drop, waiting to wake up and find myself still back in that darkened room on Mattri, and waiting for some sort of bad news or unexpected and unpleasant event. I spent time in the office but often I would look up from my desk to discover the day had passed by and I could not remember what I had done or what I was in the middle of doing. It was frustrating and baffling. I had been back on Coruscant for little over a week yet it felt like forever on the one hand and a split second on the other. I had hoped to resume training under Master Kjestyll but he had sent word that he would be unavailable for the next few weeks and I was to practice on my own, to train for the next test, the next level. He had said I was ready for it but I was not so sure. I had sent Shiv a message saying I was back only to learn he was currently on Naboo at the retreat, sorting out the year’s events that would be taking place there. He would also not be back on Coruscant for another week or so. He had dropped me a quick note to say he was glad I was back and safe and sound and when he got back we’d get together for lunch.

I was missing people. For the first time in my life I craved company and no one was there. I had replied to my father’s message and it had been a difficult letter to write. I had told him what had happened in brief form, leaving out the details and then warned him about Jyrki. He’s changed, papa. He’s become dangerous and feral. I don’t think that he will try to hurt you but be wary of him. It had taken me two days of stressing out before I had hit the send button. His reply had been short and reassuring but underneath the words I felt his own anger. I did not know how to cope with that or the guilt that brought with it. So I did what I always did when I couldn’t face my father, I ignored the situation and hoped it would bury itself and just go away. He was every bit as bad as I was in doing this.

Most of the time things in the office were quiet. Life just went on and it was a little surreal to me how while I had gone through this terrible event, everything else was just business as usual. Well, most of the time. I was in the middle of sorting through the huge pile of internal memos and trying to find my coffee when a knock on the door nearly scared me out of my skin. My droid shuffled over to answer it. The young delivery girl smiled as she handed me a huge bouquet of flowers in a vase all wrapped in some pretty pink paper. I cleared off a corner of my desk and unwrapped my gift. Corellian Stars, pale blue star shaped flowers, mixed with tiny Jin-Jin flowers which were almost pure black and Nubian roses that were a deep almost glowing red colour. It was a strange combination but very beautiful. Hidden in the bouquet was a small card with handwriting I recognized at once.

I am not that easy to kill so do not worry when you hear the news.

Of course I immediately had to turn on the internal news net and after some digging through the bulletins discovered much to my horror that the ISD Vengeance had been reported destroyed. There were few details on what had happened and there was no word yet on survivors. I looked at the bouquet and smiled, sometimes Thrawn had a strange sense of humour and now he had some explaining to do but I was grateful and relieved. I decided that this was reason enough to just go home. I took my gorgeous flowers with me and decided to spend what was left of the afternoon with the holonet on in my flat to hear more on this whole Vengeance destruction thing. Naturally there was no more news to hear on this topic but a lot of news about Prince Xizor and his latest girlfriend, some famous actress. I gave this relationship a month at best. That man went through girl-friends the way Lord Vader went through battle droids. Lord Vader hated the Prince and could not keep the contempt from his voice when ever he spoke of him. I had no idea what anyone saw in Xizor, he was just plain creepy and then smiled to myself since that was probably the same thing that often got whispered about Thrawn. Alien beauty, I guessed, was definitely in the eye of the beholder. I absently brushed the flowers with my fingertips. I wondered where he was now and when he would show up on my doorstep.

My days and nights blended one into the other. Since sleeping seemed to be a thing of the past I had taken to curling up on the couch which was way more comfortable than my old one, drinking cups of tea and watching the Holonet. It was not as though there was anything all that interesting on most of the time but it was better than being left to my own thoughts. I was in the middle of some terrible film that was on the late night show when there was a soft knock on my door. When I opened it there was no one there but sitting on the door mat was a very pretty crystal glass. I grabbed my key and the glass and went to find the drink that matched it.

He stood leaning on the balcony ledge with both hands watching the city. I stopped and looked at him. This was what I should have been doing the night Jyrki had come and snatched me away. I wondered if it was possible to somehow erase the last two months of my life and go back in time, I wished it was. Seeing him made my heart ache and suddenly I was nervous but not in any good way. It seemed strange to me that all the while I was being kept prisoner thoughts of this man had helped to keep me alive, had given me hope and now that I was face to face with him again I didn’t know what to do, what to say. I was about to slip back into the darkness of the room when he turned around and saw me. Our eyes met and time seemed to pause for a moment. He reached out his hand to me and as if I were drawn on a string I went to him. He took the glass from my hand, poured brandy in it then handed it back to me. He touched his glass to mine in a toast and then said;

“Welcome back.”

I sipped my drink and nodded. “It’s good to be back.” This had become my standard, guarded answer.

He studied my face carefully and then reached out to touch it. Without even thinking about it I took a small step back from him, then realised what I had done.

“I’m sorry.” My hands were shaking. “I don’t know why I did that.”

“I do and I understand.” He said. “It’s alright I did not expect you to fling yourself into my arms. I imagine it must be a hard readjustment to return to normal life. Trust after such a betrayal will be difficult to give. I truly do understand.”

I didn’t sip the brandy this time I finished it off in one gulp and held my glass out so that he could give me a refill.

“I got your message.” I said changing the subject. “Very interesting method you have of allaying rumours of your demise.” I said. “The flowers are beautiful, thank you.”

He nodded. “Did they make you smile?”

“You know they did.” I replied. “What happened?”

“To make a very long story short the ship ended up in an asteroid field filled with Space Slugs with which she argued and lost. It was a bloody mess,” He said angrily. “and a ridiculous waste of life and equipment! After the inquiry and when I am not so furious about it I will tell you exactly what happened.”

“I’m sorry. What will you do now?”

Thrawn sipped his brandy. “I’ll be offered a new commission but I am not entirely certain exactly what that will be yet.”

“Well, thank you for letting me know. I’d have worried.” I said. “A lot, actually, so it is nice to see you looking so…alive.”

He smiled slightly and then became serious again. “You, on the other hand, look exhausted and you are far too thin.”

“Well, you know… I tried out a new fitness programme; the sleep deprivation, bad drugs and darkness diet.” I told him as I studied the contents of my glass. “Worked wonders don’t you think? Don’t believe it will be a big hit though.” I could not keep the bitterness out of my voice and had to grit my teeth to keep from saying more stupid comments.

His expression became unreadable, but the hardness that flashed in his eyes told me he didn’t find my attempt at humour all that funny. I didn’t flinch or shy away from his caress this time but I had to make a conscious effort not to. I didn’t want to be touched. I didn’t want contact. I wanted to wallow in what ever hole it was I had locked myself into.

“What did that pash’kja’anta do to you?” he asked. I was pretty certain the word he had used was not very complimentary to Jyrki.

I turned away from him and leaned against the balcony. I didn’t want to cry but his tenderness made that hard to stop. I bit back the well of emotion, shoved it deep down into the pit of my belly and drank the brandy. Its bite and burn helped me steady myself.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” I said, the words sounded shaky to my ears. “There is nothing much to say really.” I finished the brandy in the glass and then handed it to Thrawn. “I’d better go. I’m not the best company at the moment, I’m afraid.”

He watched me for a moment then nodded. “This will not go away on its own, you know.” He said quietly. “You will have to come to terms with it before you can move on.”

I wondered what he knew about such things, what he knew of captivity and isolation but I didn’t ask. “How long are you on Coruscant for?” I asked.

“A few days perhaps, it depends on a couple of things.”

“Maybe we can have dinner or something?” I said.

He smiled but it never reached his eyes. “If you would like that, I am sure it can be arranged.”

I nodded and then without any further ado I turned and left. I felt his eyes follow me but I didn’t turn around. I just wanted to be left alone. I just wanted to curl up in a corner and do nothing. Recover. I was starting to wonder what that word meant and I was certainly starting to hate it. I reached the sanctuary of my flat, slammed the door behind me and let out the breath I felt I had been holding since forever. I didn’t think, I just went to the kitchen and dug out a glass and the bottle of brandy Thrawn had once left in my flat and poured a large amount in it. I curled up on the couch and cradled the glass in my hands. I felt like a bloody idiot. I turned on the holonet and began to sip at my drink.

I had no idea what time it was but someone was knocking on the door. I woke up groggily, shut the holonet off, glanced at the clock and went to open the door, anything to stop the pounding sound. Thrawn didn’t wait to be asked, he just brushed past me and came in. “I like your new place.” He said coolly.

I was still trying to wake up and break through the brandy induced fog that had settled around my brain. “What in the name the almighty sarlacc are you doing here? It’s five in the morning.” I said slamming the door behind him.

He surveyed the living room, eyeing the empty glass on the table and the almost empty bottle of brandy that sat beside it. I followed his gaze and saw through his eyes the mess that I just had not gotten around to sorting out. It was a wreck, I was a wreck.

“Pack your things, enough for two weeks, clothes for a cold climate. As of now you are on leave.” He spoke with a crisp authority that was a little startling.

“What?”

He handed me a data pad. I looked at it and then handed it back to him. He hadn’t been kidding. The order had been approved by Lord Vader and I was officially on leave. “This is your doing?”

“Yes”

“Why?”

“Because you are no good to the Empire in this current state and it is obvious to me that you will not deal with this on your own or seek help. The longer you dwell in this pain the worse it will get. So go and pack.” He said in a voice that I was certain he used to give orders on his ship.

I went into my bedroom and just stared at the mess. Thrawn stood in the doorway, arms folded across his chest. It dawned on me he was out of uniform. “Cold climate? I don’t have clothes for a cold climate, I come from a bloody desert world and I live in climate controlled housing.” I said bewildered by this turn of events and the fact that the room was spinning was not helping matters any.

He tossed a travel bag at me. “Well, pack what you think will do and come along. What you need will be provided for you after we arrive.” He told me crisply. “Oh and where are your Dantassi things?”

“On my ship.” I said as I started to pack random clothes, underwear, socks, and most of my Tatooine wardrobe. I slipped the little wooden box I kept his letters, my hair sticks and the gifts he had given me into the bag, there was no way I was leaving that behind. I shoved past him and went to the bathroom to pack my toiletries and stopped when I saw my reflection in the mirror. I looked like a ghost, absolutely awful and it was the first time I had noticed. With a sigh I cleaned my teeth, my mouth felt like rats had nested in it. I brushed my hair and put it up. When I was finished packing I joined Thrawn who had been waiting in the living room. It did not escape my notice that he had cleared away the dirty glasses and cups.

“Ready?” he asked.

I nodded.

“Right,” He said as he took my bag from my hands, “Let’s go.”

I had to trot to keep up with him. “Go? Go where?”

He stopped and looked at me. “That,” he said with a slight smile, “would spoil the surprise.”

“I do believe, right at this moment, I almost hate you.” I said.

“Well,” He said as he held the door open for me. “That is a step away from feeling nothing, perhaps there is hope for you after all.”

I opened my mouth to reply but he placed a finger on my lips. “Hush.” He said firmly. “Not one word.” And with that he ushered me outside.

The dark Stripped Bare 10

2006-02-11T15:23:00.000+01:00

Three straight days of practicing with Lord Vader had not helped my sleeping habits any. I still woke up at strange hours soaked in sweat in full fledged panic. I knew from experience that it was impossible for me to get back to sleep so I just got up and spent time in the sitting area of my quarters. I watched the stars through the large window in my quarters cradling a cup of tea in my hands. It was late, although that was a relative term while in space, time was artificial when there was no real day or night. Even though there were lots of people about and working on the ship this part I had been sequestered in was terminally quiet. Lord Vader had private chambers in this secure area and I felt his presence on and off but he never came to visit so I just about jumped out of my skin when the door chime sounded late one evening. The bland faced young man at my door said nothing. He simply handed me a package and then left, quickly. You could say what you liked about the Empire but the Imperial mail service was efficient. I sat back down and opened my mail. A letter from home, a card from Shiv, a letter from Jorae and the last two items made my hands tremble. I opened the slender one first. The small package was beautifully wrapped in a hand painted piece of iridescent silk and the handwriting on the envelope that held the precious letter was, as always, lovely.

A’mia Tekari,

Words cannot express the emotion I experienced when I heard that you had been found safe and sound. It seems strange to me that I should even have trouble writing this down to let you know how worried I was but such expression of feeling is, for even the most renegade of Chiss, difficult at best.

So I sit here on board the Vengeance sipping this Tatooine mint tea which some young lady has managed to addict me to trying to formulate sentences that do not sound like ridiculous florid prose from some besotted teenager. Suffice to say, my dear, I was deeply relieved to hear that you are well and safe again in the hands of the Empire under the watchful eye of Lord Vader.

When you did not join me on the balcony the night of the Winter Fete party I made good on my threat and came looking for you. I was not expecting the unpleasant surprise that awaited me in your flat, signs of a struggle, blood on the floor and you were nowhere to be seen. I am quite certain I missed you only by five minutes but it was enough for who ever had taken you, and I have my suspicions on this, to get you out of the palace. Knowing you and your indomitable spirit I can safely assume they drugged you with something to make you docile.

Who ever it was, entered and left through a secret passage that led directly to your bedroom. I am certain you had no idea of this and to be honest the only way I knew was that you left us a clue. Your necklace was caught in between the wood panels that led to this passage without this, chances are no one would have discovered it because it was remarkably well hidden and even harder to open. The Imperial Palace is very old in some parts and full of secrets as you have mentioned before. This was one I wish you had discovered earlier rather than later. It does, however, answer the question of how your mechanic friend managed to enter and escape unseen the last time he visited you.

I do not know what you have gone through in the weeks you were abducted and held prisoner but I dearly hope that it has not crushed your beautiful spirit. I am so sorry that I was not there in time to stop this from happening, and I deeply regret letting you out of my sight that night. I imagine that chaining you to your desk under the watchful eye of an Imperial storm trooper would probably not be the best solution although the thought had occurred to me. Lord Vader has informed me that you will remain on board the Executor for a couple of weeks until your security clearance has been reinstated by Intel and you have recovered your strength. I trust that their debriefing methods were not as brutal as usual and that you will not have to experience such a thing ever again. Knowing you as I do, I imagine the agents sent to deal with you got more than they bargained for. I have to tell you this thought makes me smile.

By the time you will be returned to Coruscant I should be able to arrange some leave. I do have business that I need to take care of which will require a visit to the Imperial City and I hope to be able to see you there at the same time. For the time being I remain as captain of the Vengeance under the command of the Emperor’s agent, Jerec. We are currently heading towards Ithor, there is something of interest to Lord Jerec in the asteroid field near by. Ithor is a place of some interest as its native peoples; the Ithorians have long taken an interest in conservation of their home world. They have built what they call Herd ships above the surface of the planet where they live their day to day lives. It is forbidden to enter the surface of the planet to all but a chosen few. One of the more peculiar aspects of Ithor would be the bafforr tree which is said to have telepathic abilities. I imagine for someone with force sensitivity this might be an intriguing thing to investigate. Certainly this helps to explain the strong bond between the Ithorians and their planet. I shall know more about our plans in a few hours and perhaps see if there is an opportunity to explore this world further. I will let you know if anything interesting comes up.

In the meantime, I hope that you are recovering quickly from your ordeal and that the people responsible for your abduction are caught swiftly and punished as Imperial Law dictates. I have taken the liberty of returning to you your necklace, its chain repaired. It is a small thing but I do hope it brightens your day.

I look forward to being with you in person again and seeing with my own eyes that you are alive and well. Do try to stay out of trouble until then.

Ilath’mera’talashti’Ia,
Mitth’raw’nuruodo

I unwrapped the little box and struggled against the strange surge of emotion that welled up in my chest. There, nestled in more of the same silk, was the tiny ma’arilite pendant Thrawn had given me the night of the Winter Fete party. With shaky fingers I fastened it around my neck. I fought back the tears that had welled up in my eyes. I didn’t want to cry, I didn’t want to even think about crying because I was afraid that if I started I would not stop. This was hurt was raw and painful. I choked it back and tucked his letter back into its envelope. I got up and made myself some tea before sitting down to go through the rest of my correspondence. My father’s letter was short and full of worry.

Dearest Merly,

I have tried to get in touch with you several times over the last two weeks only to be told that you are unavailable. I am not usually given to panic but something about the person’s manner led me to believe that all is not well with you. So when you can, drop me a line or get in touch via holo net.
I wanted to tell you that Jyrki recently contacted me asking if you were still working on Coruscant and how you were doing. He seemed very agitated but he denied that there was anything wrong. He said that I was not to worry about you and that you would be safe soon enough. I have no idea what he was talking about but something about his manner bothered me.
Anyway, honey, we are fine here. It is business as usual really, despite the strong Imperial presence here. No one seems to really care much actually, you know what Mos Eisley is like and that is not likely to change any time soon.
Everyone here sends their love and hopes that you are well. Please get in touch so your old man can stop worrying about you and get on with the business of running a docking bay.

Love always,
Papa

I didn’t know how I was going to answer this letter. I set it aside and picked up the card from Shiv.

Hey Rim-Girl,
Word around the Palace is you have been found, no details though. What happened anyway? You get bored of your dashing Captain and run away to some distant planet with a secret admirer we don’t know about? You haven’t missed much in the last month or so. Life around here never changes that much, the courtesans still cause me no end of headaches, the themes for the up coming events have been sorted out and I can tell you this much, you will laugh because someone decided that one of the lesser events should have an ‘outer rim’ feel to it. Be prepared to give me lots of tips on what to do, you are after all my outer rim expert. Anyway, when you do get dumped back on the Coruscant let me know, we need to talk. You have a ton to tell me and you know you want to go out to lunch with me and spill the gossip!
Hugs,
Shiv

Shiv loved being cryptic. I know he was dying to learn about the exact nature of my relationship with Captain Thrawn but how could I tell him that when even I did not know the answer. It had been the thoughts of Thrawn and his way with me that had helped to keep my hope up while I was a prisoner. I had worked for the Empire for a year now and I had known him for almost as long, but I could no more describe what I felt for him or how he fit into my life than I could count the stars in the sky. My hand went to the pendant at my throat and holding it steadied me a little. The last letter as from Jorae, true to form it was short and sweet.

Hi Merlyn,

I am hoping this gets delivered to you sooner rather than later. I hope that you are well now, (yes, I know some of what happened) I work now as a communications officer on board the Avenger and when we got the notification of your disappearance I nearly choked on my coffee. I was really glad to hear that you were found in one piece. You know how it goes, no secrets in the Empire.

We are part of the Death Squadron, you know, and maybe I might get to see you at some point. The rumour mill has it that you are being sequestered on board the Executor. I heard it was an impressive ship. You’ll have to tell me sometime, but at least now you know how to get in touch with me. I’ll probably be on board this ship for a while though I hope eventually to work onboard the Flag ship. You always seem to be one step ahead of where I want to be.

Anyway, back to work for me
Your friend,
Jorae

I sat back and sipped my tea. I was tired but I couldn’t sleep. I hoped that Intel would give me my clearance back soon because I was going stir crazy. I picked up the second package which bore Thrawn’s hand writing and opened it. The little note was said;

Waiting can be a tedious thing even when one is not a prisoner. I thought you might enjoy this book. It was written almost two hundred years ago by a young soldier who found himself a prisoner of war. He was a captive for almost seventeen years and how he survived is extraordinary. After his eventual release he turned to poetry and became very well known for his works. I realise this may not seem the most appropriate of tales for you at this time, but read it. I think you will find it most enlightening in many ways.

I unwrapped the book and marvelled at its beauty. Books made from paper were rare and this one was beautiful. I wondered where in the Galaxy he found these treasures. It had a slightly musty scent to it and I was a little scared to open it in case it fell apart. I knew when I read the title that Thrawn had been, once again, right. This was a book I had to read. The Dark Stripped Bare. Carefully, I opened it, nosey, in spite of myself. After the first page I knew that this book would be painful to get through. I set it back on the table and gathered my knees to my chest and hugged them close. I had wanted to get back to work, get back to a normal life but I honestly wondered if that was even possible. I knew a strange sense of fear now that I had never known before and I didn’t like it. There had been moments in that small room on Mattri where I had thought about death. There had been moments where I had even wished for it. In the darkest of these moments I had longed for that release because I had given up on hope. To look back on it now in the relative comfort and safety of the Star Destroyer I was on, it was now embarrassing, shameful. I wondered if I could have handled it any better, done things any differently.

I picked up the book again and looked at the first page. As I re read the poem that started off this book I wondered how it was that Thrawn always seemed to know exactly what it was I needed. I stroked the words with my fingertips.

In the darkness I do not exist
Light is a weapon.
Filth is the cloth which covers me
I wrap my misery in it
And know shame.

My soul vanishing, is the wind
Pain is a caress
A lost memory saves me
In the dark stripped bare
I find hope.

I sat quietly and alone but I was not lonely. I only had to look at the table, at the letters and well wishes from the people in my life who had missed me, who cared for me. I knew that although he had surrounded himself with people, Jyrki was desperately lonely and for the first time since my return I felt sorry for him. I curled up on the little couch and pulled the blanket that was there over my shoulders. I had the book clutched in one hand and my other hand held onto my necklace. As I drifted off to sleep it occurred to me that despite everything which had happened, how lucky I really was.

The dark Stripped Bare 9

2006-02-08T11:10:00.000+01:00

He left me alone for three days but I felt his presence every time I woke up from a nightmare which was frequent. Peace was elusive. I was a bit of a mess. I could not sleep at night and I was tired and listless during the day. When I dreamed the images were fractured and frightening. There were no singular or clear images just powerful sensations and a lot of fear.

I made the mistake of sleeping without a light on the first night and when I woke suddenly terrified and in the dark I had no idea where I was. I sent fear showering about me. I floundered and drowned in it. I had never been one to suffer claustrophobia but waking in the darkness was terrifying. I hit the bedside lamp switch and the room flooded with brightness. I sat huddled in the large bed, soaked in sweat and trying to slow my breathing. I felt Lord Vader brush my mind with his, bothered by the intrusion more than anything else. He had been meditating and I was a disruption, a disturbance in the force that poked at his calm. For all the training I had been given I still had no idea how to control what I felt, how to control the fact that I sent out what I felt when I wasn’t careful. My passion both dark and light was a wild, unpredictable thing. It was like throwing a stone into a pond; the ripples just kept going and going.

After that I slept with a light on but it didn’t stop me from waking up gasping for breath, clawing at invisible night terrors. It just meant that when I woke up I could see where I was right away, a small comfort. The thing that I found strange was that most of the dreams I had while I was imprisoned I remembered with stunning clarity but these nightmares were faceless, invisible. Each time I woke I was conscious of Lord Vader, his presence, aware of me and my fear. Sometimes he did nothing, and sometimes he intervened. I didn’t understand why but he calmed me down. These were things we had never spoken of and I was certain that we would probably never would. While I sensed his annoyance at the disturbance, he was not angry. So it was him I reached out to. There was no one else and I got the distinct impression he understood about nightmares.

My fourth day on board the Executor he found me in the exercise room. I was hoping that working out would some how ease the restlessness, the listlessness I had been feeling. I moved slowly, deliberately going through the basic kata forms Master Kjestyll had taught me. There was a grace in the movements that eased my sense of loss. I didn’t hear him come in but I felt the force ripple around me and knew he was there. He watched me and when he felt I was ready to play he tossed me a combat staff.

It was a dance, really, and we both enjoyed it. He wasn’t angry and he wasn’t trying to teach me any lessons he was just practicing with me. Not that he needed it but I certainly did. While I knew he was going easy on me I still came out of the session with more than my fair share of knocks and bruises. After an hour or so I knelt on the floor, catching my breath. Vader used the tip of his wooden staff to raise my chin upward. I didn’t fight him.

“We will do this again tomorrow. Perhaps tonight you will sleep without interruption. You must learn some control over this talent of yours.” He said. I moved the staff away from my face and nodded. He took the combat stave I had used from my hands and put them both away. I moved to sit with my back to the wall and watched as he, now warmed up, began to practice with his lightsaber against specially designed combat remotes.

I loved to watch him practice. He was fast and agile. He moved with a grace and an ease that never ceased to astonish me. I could feel and almost see the force move about him as he tapped into its energy. He fought with a passion and a fury and it was a tangible, violent, raw thing. I sat there on the floor of the training room and allowed his energy to wash over me and in some strange way it eased a little of the pain in my spirit. I sat there and relaxed, letting my thoughts drift.

When he was done he looked at me. “You wanted to speak with me before your friend decided to remove you from the palace.”

I nodded. He waited a few seconds and walked about the room, his hands clasped behind his back. “Then speak.” He said.

So I did. I told him everything that had been on my mind since the first time Jyrki had broken into my flat in the Palace. He did not interrupt and when I was finished he remained quiet for a long time.

“He escaped from the Jedi Temple?” Lord Vader asked, breaking the silence.

I sighed. “He hates the Empire. He hates the Emperor.” I said quietly. “But I don’t understand why he hates me.”

“He does not hate you, he hates himself.” Vader replied standing still for a moment.

I looked up at him. “But why?”

“He survived.” He said simply. “He should have been eliminated in the Jedi purge.”

“He and the others, they were just children.” I asked.

“Children carry the ideals of their teachers, their parents. In order to stop the spread of their lies, their ridiculous arrogant ideals all Jedi were purged so that the order of things might start anew.”

I was silent trying to take this in. “Will they catch him?” I asked.

Vader shrugged. “The base you were held at was abandoned by the time the fleet assigned its destruction got there. The raid at Sullust never took place. I can only assume that this Jyrki Andando and his crew were warned. They escaped this round but it is only a matter of time before the Empire finds them all and hunts them down. These rebels, they are a thorn in the side of the Empire but the Emperor finds them an amusing distraction.”

“You disagree.” I said. I could feel it in his words. He paced the room, this time anger in his steps.

“The smallest grain of sand can stop the mightiest machine.” He said quoting an old Tatooine proverb.

“The woman who brought me food mentioned the name of the pilot who blew the space station up. Said his name was Skywalker. Did you know that?”

The air shimmered and I felt the weight of his emotions as though they were a rock fall. “The name is not unknown to me.” He said coldly but his words did not match what he felt.

“It’s not the first time I’ve heard that name mentioned.” I said quietly. Lord Vader turned and stared at me intently. I thought I would burn from the heat of that gaze. “First it was from Jyrki but also from Sola Naberrie. She said that the Jedi assigned to protect your wi… I mean the then queen of Naboo was called Skywalker. Anakin Skywalker. Do you think there could be a connection?”

“Anakin Skywalker is dead.” Vader snarled. “He perished in the Clone Wars. Do not ever mention that name again.”

I nodded. “Okay, okay. Do you think that maybe he and this pilot, this other Skywalker, are related?”

He stormed over to me and hauled me to my feet. His anger was a living breathing thing. “You will speak of this to no one!”

“I promise.” I whispered, suddenly very afraid of him. He let me go and stalked back and forth, agitated. I slid back against the wall to the floor. I didn’t think that my shaking knees would support me.

“Have you told this to anyone else?” he asked suddenly.

“No one.” I answered. “I had totally forgotten about it until just now, actually. It was your quote that made me think of it. It reminded me of some dreams I have been having.” I shook my head. “I sometimes see a man and once he mentioned this name you don’t want me to say, called him the Chosen one.”

The stillness that suddenly hit the room was palpable. I thought for certain he might actually kill me as he strode over to where I sat but instead he squatted down in front of me, heel to haunch.

“What did this man look like? Did he have short hair, a beard?” he asked.

“He had a beard but his hair was very long. He looked tired, sad. He wore farmer’s clothing and a poncho, looked like a desert dweller. He was tall and had the bluest eyes I have ever seen.” I said conjuring up the images from my dreams and showing him. “Do you know who he is?”

“I knew someone who would fit that description a long time ago.” He said with an audible sigh. “Why does he haunt your dreams?” he asked more to himself than to me.

I shook my head. “I have no idea, but the dreams where he appears are very clear, almost as if they were real and not dreams at all.” I watched him as he got and resumed his pacing. “Who is he?”

“Someone long dead and best left forgotten.” Came the terse reply. “Do not mention these dreams to anyone else.”

I wanted to ask why but something about his manner made me think twice about that. Instead I asked the next question that burned in my brain. “Why did the Emperor not say anything if he knew what was going to happen to me? Why did he not stop it?”

Vader stood up. I thought that he would give the same answer he had the last time I had asked this question but instead he said. “My Master knows much, he foresees a great many events, the greater pattern of things. In your case, this was most likely a test.” He said.

“A test?” I asked in disbelief. “A test of what?”

“Your strengths, your weaknesses or your loyalty?” he shrugged. “Truly, only the Emperor can answer that question.”

“Has he done this to you? Did he test you?”

“Many times.” He said coldly. His words were laced with anger, pain and sorrow.

“Why?”

“He enjoys the game of it. It is a way to control those under his power, in his circle.” Vader said thoughtfully. “It is all about control and power.”

I looked at him as he spoke. He was being very candid with me and I knew that this trust was fragile and tentative. He saw something in me that reminded him of himself. I could feel the anger behind his words and I understood it because it was my anger also. I did not like these strange games that somehow I had become entangled in without my knowledge or permission.

“You interest my Master. Your gifts and Force talents are unusual in their combination and particular strengths. He is working out how best to utilise them and you. Make no mistake, girl, he will use you even if you do not wish it. We are all pawns in his universe.” He said bitterly.

“You make it sound as though we have no choice.” I said.

“We do not. It is our destiny.” He answered cryptically.

I sighed. This was an awful lot to digest. “I’m sorry I disturb you, I can’t control the nightmares, the fear they bring.”

“Then we shall have to work on that for the next few weeks while you remain onboard.” He told me.

I nodded. I suspected that would not be as easy as it sounded.

“Return to your quarters. Tomorrow you will meet me here at the same time. Be prepared to work hard.”

“Yes, my lord.” I said and because I had been dismissed, I left. Just as I was going through the door I heard the hum of his lightsaber.

The dark Stripped Bare 8

2006-02-05T23:11:00.000+01:00

Lord Vader just stood and stared at me until the door to my quarters closed. I knew from past experience that everyone on the other side of the door was most likely breathing a very large sigh of relief. I was glad in a strange sort of way to see him but he wasn’t the public display of affection sort of man so I refrained from hugging him. Instead I stayed where I was and just watched him pace the room. His cloak swept out dramatically behind him and I got the distinct sense that he was not unhappy to see me.

“This ship’s physician informs me that you were not permanently damaged.” He said coming to stand in front of me. “You should be able to go through the debriefing procedure without too many complications.”

I just stared at him. I had forgotten how tall, how over bearing he was. How eerie the sound of his mechanical breathing was. How unnerving his presence could be. His power writhed about him giving me goose bumps. I had forgotten how frightening he could be even when he wasn’t even trying.

“It is nice to see you again as well. When can I get back to work?” I asked.

“Once Intel has cleared you.” He said and moved away from me to stand at the window.

“What does that mean, exactly?”

He turned his head to regard me for a moment then went back to looking out of the window. “Intel must be satisfied that you are not working for the Rebellion in some manner, that you are not a security risk. That you have not been turned.”

“I told them nothing!” I said hotly. “I managed to escape, no thanks to anyone and came directly here! I’m certainly not about to help people who think kidnapping is a good thing to do! What do you think I am, an idiot?”

For such a large man he moved with an exquisite grace and speed. He had my face between his gloved hands before I could even move. I could feel him brush my mind with his and I shuddered in his grip.

“Show me.” He said. It was not a request I could refuse. I took a deep breath and tried to relax as much as I could, given the circumstances, opened my mind to him and allowed him to touch my thoughts. I showed him the jumble of images I held locked up tightly in my head, shared with him the ordeal in as much as I could remember it. It was an eternity until he released his grip on me. “The Emperor was correct in his appraisal of your inner strength.” He said as he let go of my face.

“The Emperor…?” I felt anger flare from deep within my gut. I was starting to learn to hate that vile old man and his strange ways. “He knew this would happen to me, didn’t he.” I said with gritted teeth. With my arms folded across my chest and my chin raised to look Lord Vader in the face. I knew I was being defiant and that was not overly smart but I didn’t care. I was angrier now than I could ever remember. It burned in my belly with a dark, gnawing heat. I was not backing down but Lord Vader wasn’t taking the bait either, he simply turned away from me to stare out into space once more.

He was silent for a long time, long enough that I didn’t think he would answer me. When he did speak it was with careful deliberation. “My Master sees many things, knows much. If he had foreseen this event, he had his reasons for saying nothing.”

“I‘ll take that as a yes, then.” I retorted reading between the lines.

“I see that captivity has not softened your sharp tongue any or given better manners.”

I bit back the retort that was on the tip of my tongue and smiled. This was familiar territory and I welcomed his sarcasm. Perhaps he had not missed me but he had missed these conversations with someone who did not cower at his every word.

“Did you know?” I asked after a long silence.

“No.” he answered and it was not a lie. He was suddenly very angry. I felt it flow around him and he welcomed the sensation. I understood this, anger was easy to use. He turned to look at me and then with a single hand motion I knew we were leaving the ISD Malignant. We headed to the hanger bay, to his shuttle where we would fly over to the Executor. It seemed a strange scene to me, him striding like some great black giant out of the nightmarish fairy tales I had been told as a child and me running to keep up with him so as not to get lost. I got the distinct impression from his moody silence that what ever awaited me on the Executor was not going to be pleasant.

He had flown the shuttle himself, which was unusual. I sat in the co pilot’s chair and was utterly awestruck at the size of the ship we were heading for.

“This is your new flag ship? This is the Executor?” I asked in a hushed whisper. I had heard the new flag ship was impressive, but words had not done this vessel justice at all.
I sensed his pleasure but was not certain if it was from my question or because of the ship or both.

“Yes.” He said as we drew closer to the largest space ship I had ever seen in my entire life. “Magnificent is she not?”

I nodded. “Magnificent doesn’t even come close to describing her, holy sarlacc she’s huge.” It was so easy to talk to him about ships and machines. It was the one subject he never shied away from and it was easy to forget for a short time who or perhaps what exactly he was.

He chuckled, a sound I didn’t think I would ever get used to. “She is twelve times the length of an ISD. Close to nineteen thousand meters in length. She has a crew and compliment of just under three hundred thousand men, give or take, and over five thousand turbo lasers and ion cannons.”

I whistled slowly. “What about the engines?”

He glanced at me and nodded. “You will appreciate this; she has a class two hyperdrive, thirteen engines in five thruster banks with a mass acceleration rate of twelve hundred and thirty Gs.”

“Wow, that’s a lot of kick.” I said then laughed at the image that suddenly popped into my head. “Bet she steers like a fat, drunken bantha, though.”

He nodded. “She’s no pod racer but she is a beauty and she has a lot of power. There is no other quite like her in the galaxy.” There was a wistfulness in his voice that sometimes came when we spoke like this. I wondered, not for the first time, what he had been like before the mask. In some ways I was sad I would never know that part of him. He had a lot to teach me and I was grateful for the small mounts of time I got to spend with him. Whispers said he was brilliant with machines. That he had almost a magical way with them and was one of the best pilots in the entire Imperial Navy, so quiet times like this were rare and I treasured them. Moments like these hinted at the man behind the mask rather than what the mask represented. I admired the grace and elegance with which he set the shuttle down in the hanger bay. A perfect landing. He was aware of my scrutiny and I felt the pleasure he took from my admiration of his skill. He was extraordinarily good at what he did and he knew it.

“The interrogation you will undergo will be unpleasant.” He said with uncharacteristic openness. “The Intel agent will wish to use standard procedures. You will be strong and not embarrass me.” He added.

“Define unpleasant.” I said as we slipped out of the cockpit.

“It will entail the use of an interrogation droid with certain chemical substances which will make you more pliable and open to questioning.” He said. “This chemical process is known to be painful.”

“Great, more drugs.” I said crossly. “You know, so far, I have not reacted very well to this sort of thing, it usually ends up with me throwing up all over the place, so you might want to stand back when they do this, vomit doesn’t usually go well with black.” Then I added uncertainly. “You will be there as well, won’t you?”

“Yes.” He said. “Intel has a habit of being overly enthusiastic about their work, I wish to supervise. You are of little use to either myself or the Emperor damaged or dead.”

I nodded and accepted that this was his way of reassuring me even though it wasn’t very reassuring.

He continued. “I know you remained loyal to the Empire but Intel will not be fully satisfied until they have come to this conclusion on their own. Since they have no faith in the Force they must achieve this by mechanical and chemical means.” He added. “The experience will be….”

“I know, unpleasant. I understand.” I said. “I won’t let you down.”

We walked down the ramp into the hanger. “See that you don’t.” he said waving an accusing finger at me. He stalked off with me trotting behind him to keep up. There was no more conversation. The interrogation room was small, smelled like a cross between some medical antiseptic and toilet cleaning fluid and was very claustrophobic. Lord Vader’s large physical presence did not help ease this sensation. There was an intimidating looking chair in the center of the room. It looked like a dentist’s chair but there were restraints on the arm rests and for the feet. It was not very comforting.

I tried very hard to calm my nervousness but wasn’t overly successful. I was grateful when the two Intel agents and their interrogation equipment showed up. The sooner this was over with the sooner I could get back to a normal life. There was a sense of heaviness in the air, oppressing and stifling. The two agents were very nondescript men of average weight and height. While one set up the equipment they were going to use the other addressed me directly.

“Good afternoon, Miss Gabriel. My name is Agent Dahn and I will be conducting this hearing today. I understand these proceedings are, perhaps, frightening to some but I assure you we shall do our best to make them as painless and as swift as possible. The Empire values its loyal citizens and prolonging an unpleasant procedure is not in our best interests.” He motioned for me to sit in the chair. I did so without saying a word. I would have remained silent but he went to restrain my feet and arms and I protested.

“You don’t need to do that.” I said. The idea of being tied down was even worse than anything else I could imagine.

“I am afraid it is standard procedure, some people find it difficult to remain still during these procedures. He said in the same flat tone.

“No, you really do not need to do that.” I said a little more firmly. The first sparks of anger growing in my gut.

There was subtle movement from Lord Vader and the Intel agent backed off. I was grateful for that tiny victory. Agent Dahn gave Lord Vader a curt nod and then began to explain what it was they were going to do.

He gestured for me to roll up my sleeve. “The drug we use will allow the interrogation droid to follow your brain wave patterns. This enables us to discern whether or not you are telling the truth. Some people find the initial effects to be painful, I apologise if this is the case however, these effects are short term. Once you are ready, I will ask you questions regarding your experience with regards to your abduction and consequent imprisonment and I want you to answer truthfully. We are looking to determine if you have been somehow influenced by these rebels and are now under their influence. The more truthful you are the swifter we will be done and can evaluate your status with regards to your job. The less you fight against the procedure the less damage will occur to your brain. Do you understand what I have said?” His voice never lost the flat monotone and his eyes, which were a pale silvery grey colour showed absolutely no emotion.

“Yes. I understand.” I said. I did not look at Lord Vader but I reached out with the force and was calmed by his solid presence there.

“Very well, then. Let’s begin.” Agent Dahn said with a nod to his silent partner. The other agent, who remained nameless, fiddled with a switch on the small round droid that hovered in the air. The little droid was a nasty looking piece of work and the syringe that was attached to its arm didn’t give me any comfort. It hummed as it moved closer and I drew a deep steadying breath as it targeted my arm and pierced the skin. I felt the drug it injected into my body burn. It was as if billions of tiny fire spiders had infiltrated the underside of my skin and were slowly searing their way to my head. I reeled when the substance hit my brain. The pain was as exquisite as it was acute. The agony was so severe for a moment I wasn’t sure I wanted to live. It felt for all the world as though thousands of tiny red hot needles had been plunged into my head and I gritted my teeth so hard that I was certain I would break my jaw. I would not give them the satisfaction of screaming in pain but I could not help the groan that escaped. I gripped the arms of the chair, digging my ragged nails into the soft covering. I concentrated on my breathing in and out. Pain is just a moment, let it move through you and around you and beyond you, master Kjestyll had said one day while I was nursing some hurt or another, easy for him to say not so easy to do, though. The agents knew their work well and they knew the moment the pain had subsided and the drug had set to work, opening up my mind to the droid’s sensors.

“Miss Gabriel, can you hear me?” Agent Dahn asked.

“Yes.” I told him but I was having trouble focusing on him.

“How many fingers am I holding up?”

I blinked and concentrated on the hand he had in front of my face. “Four.” I told him.

He nodded. “Right then, let us begin.” He consulted a data pad and began to ask me questions. The substance they had pumped me full of gave me a remarkable clarity once the pain had passed. I felt that the whole world was suddenly awash with a light I had never noticed before. I tried to keep my eyes on Agent Dahn but he moved about as he spoke and that was making me dizzy so instead I turned my attention to Lord Vader who was standing behind the two Intel agents, near the wall. He was statue still but I sensed him watching the proceedings with great interest. He did not acknowledge my gaze but he brushed my conscience with a steadying touch. I felt ready to answer what ever it was the Intel agents had to throw at me, I had nothing to hide. Their questions never seemed to end though. It was a circular discussion and I wondered why they kept asking the same thing over and over just with different words. What did I know about my captors? Had I given any information pertaining to my job and the Empire? What sort of interrogation methods had been used? What my relationship with Jyrki had been? How had I managed to escape? The questions came one after the other until they started to repeat, blending one into the other. I started to get fed up with it all and lose my patience.

“Look I told you the answer to that already.” I said leaning forward in the chair. “Yes, I knew him personally. He worked for my father when I was a child. Lots of people worked at the docking bay but I don’t see them trying to kidnap me! Jyrki had an agenda but I don’t know what it was. He wasn’t very forthcoming about his exact reasons for what he did. I think it was mostly personal.”

“Why do you believe that?”

“Because there is no other reason that makes sense.” I said. “He feels strongly that the Empire is evil, he wanted to rescue me from it. His asking for codes and fleet positions was just an excuse to justify getting me away from the thing he sees as his enemy.” I shook my head.

“So there was nothing that led you to believe that Mr. Andando harboured you any ill will?”

“No.” it was the truth. I had not seen it coming. I did not see the point in mentioning anything about the incident on Rothana, and since Agent Dahn did not ask about that I suspected they didn’t know.

Agent Dahn nodded, looked at the readouts on his data pad from the interrogation droid and continued. I was getting tired and my head was beginning to pound. We had been at this for hours.

“Is there anyone you work with at the Imperial Palace whom you would suspect of being a double agent?”

“No.” I said. “But then again I don’t know that many people there and most people don’t really seem to want to know me all that well.”

“What about Captain Thrawn?” I looked at agent Dahn in surprise. That was a new question out of the blue.

“What about him?” I asked carefully.

“Do you suspect him capable of being an agent for the rebellion?”

I laughed. I laughed so hard tears rolled out of my eyes and down my cheeks. It was laughter that bordered on hysteria. He waited until I had stopped and then asked the question again.

“No.” I answered matching his flat, calm tone.

“What is your relationship to him?”

I looked at Lord Vader who remained stone still, then answered remembering to keep it truthful. “I have no idea.” I said.

“What is his relationship to you?”

“That is the same question.” I said.

“Just answer it.”

“This has nothing to do with my kidnapping!”

“He was with you the night it happened. He was the one who alerted the authorities just moments after your disappearance. We are merely looking for connections and answers.”

I was beginning to hate this man and his flat, monotone questions. “Sometimes he requests my presence as an escort for an official Imperial function. The night I was kidnapped, I had been his escort to the Fete Week finale festivities. I assume, before you ask, this is because that most people in the Imperial court will not stoop to taking the arm of a non human in a court that favours humans above anyone else. I don’t have an issue with the colour of his skin or his eyes.”

“So you do not believe there is any connection between your abduction and Captain Thrawn?” Dahn said coolly.

I sighed and touched the anger that how now gone from tiny sparks to a deep burn. It was powerful and I could use it. I could feel the strength it lent me and if I tapped into it I could hurt these two men and their little mechanical toys. I knew that I was being pushed but I didn’t care. I could feel Lord Vader watch me and I could sense his surprise at my rising fury. He simply shook his head. He touched my thoughts with his and the anger slowly dissipated. From that brief contact I knew that he, too, was interested in my answer and me letting lose force powers in blind fury would not help me get back to work any sooner. I could see the room with astonishing clarity. I could see the two agents in front of me as though they were made of transparent glass and I knew what they were thinking. One was bored, wishing this was over so he could get back to the book he had been reading and the other was now hoping to bait me. He had found a button and he was pushing it. I wondered how he would feel if I turned around and pushed at him the same way I had done so long ago with the Rodian spy Lord Vader had been interrogating. It was a very tempting thought.

I got up out of the chair, pushing the small interrogation droid aside. “You really want to know what I think?” I asked as Dahn started to protest and the second agent with no name suddenly became a lot less bored. “I think that you have a lot of nerve to question the integrity of a loyal Imperial Naval officer.” I stood directly in front of Dahn, he was a good foot taller than me but I didn’t care because I was now so very angry. “Asking this question is like asking me the colour of the rebellion’s toilet seats. It is an utter waste of time and does nothing to further the cause at hand, namely catching the bastards who decided to break into the Imperial palace and remove me in order to obtain information to help them. I am happy to say that I did not provide them with any useful information and you have already discovered this during the course of your interrogation so to continue this line of questioning is a pointless waste of Imperial time. If you want to know about Captain Thrawn’s loyalty to the Empire, I suggest you ask him yourself!” I was about to poke him in the chest but Lord Vader intervened.

“I think you have the answers you were looking for Agent Dahn, do you not?” he asked it, but it was not a question.

Agent Dahn and his silent partner did their very best not to show the fear they felt but I could smell it. It was as if the drug they used not only opened my mind to their infernal interrogation droid but it also heightened my own abilities and senses. Their fear smelled rank.

Vader waited for a nod from both men. “Then I can assume this interrogation is finished and you are satisfied with the answers you got?”

Dahn nodded. “Yes, Lord Vader.”

“And Miss Gabriel is free to go?”

“Yes, Lord Vader.”

I was about to add to this conversation but his powerful hand bruised my arm painfully with its grip and I was dragged unceremoniously from the room. He did not let go of me until we were well away from the agents, that room and their nasty little droid. He walked swiftly and I did my best to keep up. It was a large ship and a bit of a maze. The turbo lifts were fast and surprisingly silent. The area he eventually stopped in was very quiet.

“This are of the ship is off limits to all but a select few with the appropriate clearance. You will stay here for the duration of your stay on board. Your quarters have been made ready and you will find everything you need has been provided.”

“So I am a prisoner again?” I asked crossly.

“You are free to wander around this area only. This is for your protection. This is a secure part of the ship and it limits the opportunities for you to get into mischief.”

My mouth opened to say something against this but he shut me up by continuing.

“As soon as those Intel agents clear your access you can go back to work. Everything you need for the time being is here. I will decide when you may return to Coruscant.”

I went to protest but he held up his hand. “Not a word.”

“But…”

“You simply cannot resist can you?” he growled.

“Well, I…”

He held up a finger and I felt warning ripples in the force. I opened my mouth then shut it again. It just wasn’t a good thing to argue with the Dark Lord. There was no winning and losing had a tendency to be permanent. He handed me a code card and pointed to the door to my new and latest home. I opened the door and was surprised at the size and comfort of the suit I had been given. It was as large as my flat on Coruscant, a home away from home.

“When there is time I will train with you, you look as though you have lost some of your conditioning. A little reminder to stay fit would not be amiss.” He said, “In the mean time I suggest you meditate and take time to recover your strength.” I watched as he turned to leave.

With a sigh I entered my new quarters. The first thing I looked for was the small kitchenette or galley. I desperately wanted a cup of tea. My head was starting to hurt and my stomach lurched. I suspected that the side effects of what ever mind bending drugs the agents had used were beginning to kick in. For the first time since Jyrki and his friends had taken me away from Coruscant I felt I was more or less free. It was all suddenly a lot to think about.

The Dark Stripped Bare 7

2006-02-03T11:37:00.000+01:00

I dreamt of walking in the desert, the Dune Sea. I followed the footsteps of the man with the long hair and the poncho. He was always one step ahead of me but I needed to talk to him so I kept on going.

“Help me!” I cried out to him after what seemed an eternity. “Please.”

He stopped and turned to face me. He was very tall and his eyes were as blue as the clear Tatooine sky. His long hair danced around his face with the wind. It was the first time I had gotten to see his face clearly. He was covered in a sorrow which he wore like the poncho. I reached out to touch his face but he brushed my hand away with a slow, languid motion.

“You are not the Skywalker child, you are not Anakin.” He said quietly. “You are not the chosen one.”

“I don’t know who that is.”

“Yes, you do.” He answered simply. “Do not follow in his footsteps, do not stumble and fall.”

I shook my head. “I don’t understand.”

“You see past the lies into the truth. Do not follow the darkness, follow the light.” He said.

“You are not making any sense!”

He looked at me the way my father sometimes had when I was small and was struggling to learn some lesson or another. He reached out and touched my face gently. “One day you will understand. Remember all you have been taught, it will serve you well. Remember, do no harm.”

“Who are you?” I was crying now, soundlessly. Tears rolled down my cheeks and I didn’t wipe them away.

“A shadow of the past, a fragment of the future.” He said and he started to fade from sight. “You are stronger than you think. Be ready for your moment.” He whispered and disappeared.

I woke clear headed and for the first time in a long time with hope. I could still feel the touch of the strange man’s hand on my face. I got up and washed my body and my hair, brushed my teeth and with the comb that Valdia had found for me managed to scrape my hair back into a more or less tidy braid. Once I had finished that I could feel anticipation begin to turn to nervousness and that was not good. Waiting for an event was the most difficult time. Fear is a weapon your enemy will use to still your action …Master Kjestyll’s words echoed in my head. Become the stillness… so I did the only thing I knew how to quell the beast within, I meditated.

I knelt in the classic pose and I allowed my breathing to slow down. I let my mind drift as it always did at the beginning of the process but then the focus came. The Mandalore journal my father had given me had spoken of this energy, this force. It was all around us, it had said, binding each and every living thing together. As I sat in the quiet of that small dark room I could feel this energy gather within me. I could feel it in my own center and it was powerful and peaceful at the same time. I don’t know how long I stayed like that. When I got it right, when the meditation worked, time became meaningless.

I sensed her coming long before she got to the door so that by the time she walked in I was sitting on the cot, as usual. I hoped that she would not notice that something was different. I smiled at her as I always did, and watched her set the tray down on the chair.

“Morning.” She said. She sounded tired.

“Is everything alright?” I asked getting up from the cot and going to the sink to wash my hands. “You sound as if something is wrong.”

She sighed and then as she had done so often before she sat down on the floor. “No it’s nothing really. I just worry about my brother.” She had brought her cup of tea with her and she took a sip from it. “I don’t sleep well when he, when everyone is out on a mission.” She said.

“I can understand that, you must be exhausted then.” I told her as I dried my hands.

She nodded. “It has been a really rough few weeks.” She said and I bit back the angry retort that wanted to spring out of my mouth. Instead I sat across from her and put my hand on her shoulder to comfort her. Through that simple act of touch I knew that she was at ease with me and that she felt very alone.

“You are a kind person.” She said patting my hand. I sighed. I thought about apologising to her for what was about to happen but didn’t. Instead I withdrew my hand from her shoulder and picked up the cup of tea she had laid in front of me, took a sip and set the cup down. I drew a slow deep steadying breath and focused my energy.

She never saw it coming. The heel of my fist connected with her jaw in a swift sharp crack and sent her reeling backwards. For a split second I thought it hadn’t worked but when her eyes rolled back into her head and she crumpled into a little pile on the floor I felt relief flood through me. I checked her pulse. She was still alive. I struggled to get her up onto the cot. I took the strips of silk I had readied the night before I bound her hands and feet then gagged her. I searched through her pockets and took her ID badge, her weapon and anything that she could use to free herself when she woke. I turned her to face the wall and then I covered her with the blanket. Anyone just looking in would think it was me sleeping.

The ID badge opened the door via a tiny sensor and I slipped out of the room. That was the easy part, now the tricky bit began.

Look as though you belong. Master Kjestyll had told me on one of the exercises I had undergone at the Center. When in doubt act with authority, less people will question you if you look like you not only belong but are in charge than if you slink around trying to hide.

I gathered myself and projected confidence as I walked down the empty corridors. Valdia had not been kidding when she had said they were running on a skeleton crew. The compound was deserted.

Use all of your senses to find your direction. Listen to sounds for clues, smell the air for people, for fuel for food, look for use and disuse.

I listened and heard laughter and voices coming from the direction I was heading, I could also smell food. I figured that the mess hall lay ahead so I slipped into a side corridor. While I didn’t think that many people were actually aware of who I was in this place I was not about to tempt fate either. I took a second to slow my heart rate and steady my breathing. As I did so I touched the force and tried to get a feel of where I was. It was faint but in the air I caught a whiff of a familiar scent and smiled.

The complex was not that large and the layout followed basic base design. The hanger bay was at the center. I stayed close to the wall, in the shadows. The hanger was not in use with so many of the fighters gone so the lights were dimmer than usual. It was standard procedure to save energy. The lack of light was my friend. I made my way over to a place that hid me from plain sight but allowed me the ability to survey the hanger in total. There were three ships. One X-wing and two freighter transports, YV-666’s. I sighed with relief because this was a ship type I could fly; the X-wing would have presented no end of problems.

I waited and watched but nothing moved in the hanger. I guessed that with most of the fighters out the ground crews were eating breakfast or lunch or what ever and relaxing. Down time was precious so they would enjoy it while they had it. Slowly but with purpose I made my way to the nearest transport hoping against hope that Jyrki had not done some serious jury rigging to secure the ships. I hit the door open button and for a few precious seconds my heart was in my throat then much to my relief the door opened. I walked up the ramp like I belonged there, closing the door behind me.

It took a few seconds, sitting quietly to see if I had attracted any unwanted attention but no one came after me. I had guessed that from the sounds I had heard in the hallway, and the time of day it was according to the ship’s chrono, it was lunch time for most of the staff here and they were not expecting a prison break, because they were unaware that there even was a prisoner. I made my way to the cockpit and began the pre-flight warm up. I did not turn on any internal lights, darkness was good cover and the consol had light enough to see by. Valdia had been right and the codes to allow the ships through the force field were hard wired into the ship and with no interruption and no one stopping me, I piloted the ship out of the hanger and into space. My heart raced and I was almost certain I would be caught and shot out of the sky or worse taken back to the prison I had been held in. but nothing happened. It was so anti climactic I was almost disappointed. I remembered Master Kjestyll saying that escaping was not like a holo story, full of flash and fire; the very best escapes were quiet and went unnoticed. Escape was about the lack of attention rather than attracting it.

I took a moment to get my bearings and took note of where the base was. The Mattri asteroid belt was in the Churba sector in the Mid Rim. I began to programme the nav computer to make a series of small hyperspace jumps to get me as far away as possible from both this place and the Sullust system because I didn’t want to run into Jyrki and his crew. I didn’t breathe a sigh of relief until the stars spun and I slipped into hyperspace. Once in hyperspace I explored the small ship, checked out the status of the engine, went over the ship’s ID and got familiar with her controls.

She was a long ship almost twenty three meters in length, bulky in the ass end with a small cockpit. There ware a small crew area with a little galley, sleeping berths and a small head but the majority of the spare room in this ship was cargo hold and engines. There wasn’t much onboard her in the way of personal effects which made sense to me. She was a general use ship and I supposed that most of the rebels who could pilot would have flown her at one time or another, bringing what they needed with them rather than leaving their stuff on board. The galley was equipped with the basic supplies and long lasting emergency rations. I boiled water and made tea, something fruity and sweet smelling. I didn’t care because it was hot and I had made it in freedom.

I made my way back up to the ship’s cock pit and took my place in the pilot’s seat. As I cradled the cup in my hands I started thinking about where the best place to find Imperial help. I had toyed with the idea of heading to Tatooine, going home to my father but I decided against this because I did not want to worry my father. I also did not want to give Jyrki a reason to go after my family. I wanted to get back to some sort of normalcy. I wanted to get back to work. I wanted my life back. I wanted to feel safe but I wondered given the circumstances if that was possible ever again.

I knew there was an Imperial Outpost in Bestine but Tatooine was far away from the center of things and I had no idea how the Imperials there would react to me suddenly showing up in a rebel ship, looking like death warmed over proclaiming to be Lord Vader’s Personal assistant. I sat and studied the star charts while the ship travelled through hyperspace. I had no idea where Darth Vader was and there was no way to contact him personally from this ship as it had no holo transmitter and the comm system was not that powerful. I could have headed to Coruscant but a gut feeling more than anything else told me that might not be the very best idea. Restless, I went back to the galley and made another cup of tea and sat thinking about this for a long time.

As the ship dropped out of the first hyperspace jump and geared up for the second I decided to head out to the Carida system because I knew there was a permanent Imperial presence there, the training academy was placed on that planet and that meant a permanent naval presence in the system. I set new co-ordinates into the nav computer and then sat back because until I reached the system there was nothing else for me to do but wait for time to pass. Oddly enough it was among the longest five hours in my life. And even though I was physically exhausted, I could not sleep.

I came out of hyperspace close to Andra a planet in the same system and slowed the sublight engines to minimal. I figured the best way to get attention was to shout so I set a distress call on the only Imperial channel I knew off the top of my head. I didn’t have to wait long. The comm came to life as the ISD Malignant hailed me.

I answered their request for information by giving my personal Imperial ID number and the clearance code that I would use when travelling on official Imperial business. There was a palpable silence on the other end of the comm for what seemed to me to last forever. Then I was told to stand down engines and allow for a tractor beam to latch on and draw the freighter into the docking hanger. I did exactly as I was asked to do and waited while the process completed. I shut the ship down completely and went to the hatchway. As the doorway opened I took a deep breath. Facing me was a group of trigger ready storm troopers and two fairly nervous deck officers. I walked down the ramp with my hands in front of to show I was unarmed and I stood very still at the foot of the ramp while one of the deck officers patted me down. The air was charged with anxiety and apprehension. It wasn’t until the man in the captain’s uniform joined the group and waved at the troopers to drop lower their weapons.

“Miss Merlyn Gabriel?” he asked. I nodded.

“Welcome back to the Empire. I am captain Broggi of the Imperial Star Destroyer Malignant. If you will follow me.” He said and without further ado he turned heel and began to walk away from me. I took a deep breath and followed him. I tried to ignore the two storm troopers that followed me.

“Captain…” I began but he stopped, turned around and cut me off before I could say anything else.

“Miss Gabriel, I must respectfully request that you remain silent until I can escort you to a secure area where, after your debriefing, I will be happy to answer your questions as best I can.” And he turned away from me once more walking very fast. I had to trot to keep up.

The small office room was plain but non threatening. The debriefing was swift. I gave them a quick run down of what had happened to me. I told the captain and the two officers who were with him everything that I knew about the base I had escaped from. Told them that the ship’s nav computer had the co ordinates for the asteroid base and I told them about the hit and run mission I had learned of in the Sullust system. They were not so concerned with the details of my captivity but took interest at the information on the Rebel base. I had asked the captain how he had known my name.

“The fleet has been on alert for your possible return ever since you were reported missing. It would appear that you are more important than the rebellion realises.” The captain said snidely, “other wise they would not have let you slip through their fingers so easily.”

I was genuinely surprised. “You were looking for me?”

“We were not given orders to carry out an active search but we were told to be aware of your Ident codes should you manage to escape.” The captain said. “The fleet was aware of your existence and abduction.”

“Lord Vader ordered this?”

“The word is the actual command came from the Emperor himself.” He said in a voice that betrayed his fear and awe of the man he spoke of.

“The Emperor?” I whispered but instead of fear I felt a sudden flash of anger.

The captain nodded. “Yes, Miss Gabriel. Now please, I cannot say more than this. I am to escort you to suitable quarters and see that you are treated as our guest.” He escorted me without further word to my new home for the next while and I was very aware that the two storm troopers stationed themselves on either side of the door after the captain had ushered me through it.

“Miss Gabriel, Lord Vader has been made aware of your return and we will rendezvous with the Executor in two days. Due to the circumstances surrounding your recent experience I must respectfully request that you remain confined to these quarters until your transfer to the Executor. This is standard Imperial protocol when dealing with this sort of situation. You must be sequestered until you can be properly debriefed by Intel. Lord Vader has requested that take place on board the Executor under his supervision.” The captain could not hide the shudder of fear when he said those words.

I sighed. I suddenly it dawned on me that I was now an unknown, not to be trusted, tainted by the enemy. “I understand.” How could the captain of this fine ship know that I would rather face Lord Vader any day than go up against Jyrki again.

He nodded and visibly relaxed. “Is there anything you need? I have been ordered to make certain that you treated well and are comfortable.”

“I need clean clothes, some decent food, and the ability to make tea when I want it. A long hot shower and I should probably get checked out by the ship’s doctor.” I told him bluntly, no point in messing around.

“Of course, I’ll have the quartermaster send up supplies and clothing for you.” He said. He pointed out the small kitchenette and the menu plan. “You can fill that out and meals will be delivered to you, someone will be by later to pick it up. The troopers stationed outside the door can escort you to sick bay when you are ready.

“Thank you, captain Broggi.” I said. There was nothing else to say. Lord Vader knew where I was and I took comfort in that. I was safe now and I was weary. Captain Broggi had done his job. He gave me a curt nod and left me alone to sort myself out.

Compared to the tiny room I had been kept in by Jyrki the ISD’s guest quarters were palatial. I had forgotten how huge a star destroyer was. I was deep in thought staring out the large window when the door opened. One of the troopers laid a large pile of clothes, towels and toiletry supplies on the nearest chair. I thanked him but if he heard he made no acknowledgement. I laughed out loud. It would seem that for the time being I had swapped one kind of prison for another, one kind of silence for another. With nothing else to do, I took the towels, the toiletries and went into the fresher to shower. I stood under the hot water for a very, very, very long time. It was as if I scrubbed my skin hard enough, washed my hair roughly enough, let the water pound on me for long enough I could erase the last few weeks of my life away. It didn’t work but when I finally emerged from the fresher I did feel a whole lot better. I dressed in the clothes provided; they were men’s PE clothes and far too large but I didn’t care as they were clean and comfortable. I stood and watched the stars from the window. It was difficult to grasp that I was safe. It felt utterly surreal to me and I wasn’t sure how to deal with it. I turned away from the view port and turned my attention to the menu planner I was supposed to fill out. I was done by the time someone came to pick it up but if he had asked me to tell him what I had chosen I couldn’t have. With a sigh I decided that before I got too settled I should probably pay the ship’s doctor a visit. Goodness knows what the drugs that had been pumped into my system had done to me. The doctor had been expecting me and I was taken to a secluded exam room. He was gruff and the examination was thorough.

“We’ll know if there is any lasting damage when the test results come back.” He told me. He had been horrified when I had told him about what Jyrki had done to me and named the drugs that I knew had been used. “You need to eat, drink lots of fluids and rest.” He told me when he was done. “You need to recover from everything that was done to you, both physically and mentally.” He had sighed. “I won’t lie to you, Miss Gabriel, it will not be easy.”

I had nodded but I had no idea how I would deal with everything that had happened. It had not really sunk in yet.

“It’s like a very bad dream.” I said.

The Doctor had nodded but had not said anything else except to reiterate that I needed to eat, drink lots of fluids and rest.

I had two days to do that and only that. I was grateful to be back in the quiet of the quarters assigned to me. I had grown used to solitude and the short trip to the med bay had exhausted me. I wondered if it was normal to feel so numb and then decided I was too tired to really care. I made myself a cup of tea and sat on the closest comfy chair. There were datapad books to read and an entertainment holo with a varied selection of things to watch, including the latest news net feed but I could not concentrate on any one thing.

How was it that so much time had passed and yet I felt as though it had all happened in the wink of an eye? I had been gone just over a month but somehow I could not grasp this fully and it felt as though it were only yesterday I had been dancing with Thrawn on the last day of Fete week. I had to struggle to try and place everything that had happened in some sort of chronological order. My ordeal was a blur of fractured images and strangely disassociated memories, as though it had happened to someone else and not me. In hindsight, escape had seemed too simple, too uneventful somehow. I felt hollow inside, gutted. When my meal came I ate slowly but without tasting it. Not long after that I went to bed. Exhaustion, it seemed, was merciful and for the first time in a long time without I slept without dream or interruption.

The Dark Stripped Bare 6

2006-01-31T10:51:00.000+01:00

I could have never imagined captivity in all my wildest dreams. I could never ever have dreamed up that it would be so difficult to spend hours upon hours alone in a small dark room. That isolation would be so hard to bear. It would have never occurred to me that the simplest things, like taking a bath or being able to make a cup of tea would become so meaningful and be so missed. I had not ever considered the importance of being able to tell time in some meaningful way. That routines and schedules were important not stupid and without them I was lost. My days were spent in a sort of muddled haze that hovered between despair and anxiety. I tried to fight this with thoughts that were cheerful and full of hope. I conjured up memories of better things and better times. Sometimes it was a childhood memory; sometimes it was something more recent. I went over and over in my head all the things I had done that had led up to this point, especially the incident on Rothana. I thought about Navaari but more often I thought of Thrawn and these thoughts, these memories kept me afloat. This strange psychological warfare that Jyrki was waging against me was wearing me down. I didn’t understand why he was doing this. I tried to keep my spirits up but it was a difficult battle. I struggled to hold onto everything that I had ever been taught. The lessons learned in the Center seemed pitifully small in comparison to the reality of what I was experiencing. I had to push myself just to get up from the cot and move my body. I practiced my kata forms and tried to keep myself fit. It did not help that while Valdia did her best to see I was fed at least once a day, for the most part meals were not at all regular. Her visits were highlights to me, counter pointing the infrequent, nasty visits from Jyrki. Since the day he had used the truth teller drug on me he had stayed coldly distant. When he had come near me it was uncomfortable silences rather than conversation. I could sense the struggle within him but I could not reach him. He railed against an anger I did not understand. Some part of me understood this was a power struggle but I could not for the life me understand why. He asked the same questions, he requested the same information but the questions were more routine than anything else. We were at a stand off and neither of us knew how to get past that without trying to crush the other’s spirit.

Once I had tried to break through his barriers, tried to reach the man I had known and loved. I had brought up old memories, moments of love and laughter. I had felt him respond but as suddenly as that spark of hope in me flared so had his temper and with that he had, for the first time since the night he had abducted me, hit me. With a powerful backhand he had managed to shatter my hope that perhaps he could still be reasoned with. I knew for certain then, that Thrawn had been right when he had said that while Jyrki’s fate and mine were inexplicably bound together, he was no longer my friend. After that his visits to my room and my visits to the small interrogation room were surrounded by silence and muted anger. It had become a contest of wills with the threat of violence now more than ever, present. More than once, I wondered if I could have taken him on and win in a fight. We were often just the two of us alone and sometimes my hands were not tied behind my back but I didn’t honestly think I could beat him. I was not at my very best and he had a pretty good idea of my strengths from our fight on Rothana. He harboured a lot of anger over that fight. He was still limping from the damage I had done to his knee. I sensed that escape would come through sneakiness and stealth rather than a straight out fight. So I slowly formed different plans and possibilities in my mind and waited until the time as right.

Meals were now, almost always brought to me by Valdia. I looked forward to her visits because in difference to the taciturn men who refused to even say hullo, she would often spend a little time talking with me. Mostly I listened as she talked about her brother, her family and her life. Sometimes, she would ask me about myself but I kept my answers basic and simple. I talked about my own family and my life on Tatooine. We avoided the topic at hand, my being held captive and what was going on now between Jyrki and myself. She was sad at the situation. She did not like that Jyrki had brought me here and was keeping me against my will. She was torn between her own feelings about that and her sense of loyalty to the man who had saved her life. I sensed these emotions and took note of them. I projected my sadness and used her guilt leaking these feelings around me the way I had done with the desire I had picked up from the men on Myrkr. Amplifying the emotions and sending them outward was easier than trying to control someone’s mind. While I did not want to do that to her, I wanted her to care about me, I wanted her to see me as a person not just a prisoner. I didn’t want her to get any sense from me that I was a threat of any kind at all. She had become comfortable talking to me, she thought of me in some weird way as a friend and she wasn’t so careful about what she said to me. So I bided my time because sooner or later my chance would come. Patience has a way of paying off.

“I’m sorry I’m later than usual.” She told me one day when she brought my food. “It’s a bit chaotic here. Everyone is getting ready to go out on a mission.” She said. I hoped that the sudden interest I felt didn’t show on my face.

“Will you be leaving as well?” I asked.

She shook her head. “No, the captain is taking the crash team, some sabotage mission out near Sullust, I think. They’ll be gone a few days so with the General and his teams also out on a mission it is just a small skeleton crew left here.” She sat on the floor, as she often did. “I don’t like to fly and I’m a terrible pilot so I am pretty useless on the hit and run trips.”

“Well, I am glad you are here.” I said wanting to reinforce my dependence on her presence. “When do they leave?”

“Late tonight.” She said. “I’ll worry because they take Mikka, my brother, with them.”

“I’m sure that Jyrki will look after him.” I said. “Are they going by transport?” I asked.

She shook her head, “No, X-Wings, they leave the transport freighters here. It’s a hit and run mission, transports would get in the way.”

I nodded and sipped the hot tea she had brought me quietly. “So, are you in charge when everyone is gone?”

“No, that’s Sena’s job, thanks goodness.” She said. “It is really rare for two teams to be gone at the same time, but the Captain said the chance to do what they want to do will not present itself again so he took the initiative. When he gets an idea in his head it’s very hard to dissuade him. The Empire isn’t looking for us anyway they are looking for the group responsible for the Death Star destruction. We can take this structure down pretty fast when we need to. We’ve not been on Mattri that long and it’s a small complex this time.” She said. It did not occur to her at all that perhaps it was a bad idea to tell me all of this. She was completely at ease with my role as a docile prisoner. She really did think of me almost as a friend.

“I guess it must be hard to coordinate all the hanger traffic then.” I said. “I mean with everyone gone or is that your job as well?”

“Goodness, no.” She shrugged. “Mikka told me each ship has its own ID code that gets it through the force field. The codes are built into the ships so only our ships get in and out. It makes it easy when there is no dock operator, which according to the captain that was the best way to get by with less man power.” She said, and then she smiled. “You know, you and Mikka would get along really well, he loves to talk about ships and flying. I don’t make a good audience for his interest because I hate space travel.”

I smiled. “I can understand that.” I nodded.

She got up. “I need to go. I have to get some things ready for Mikka before he leaves. I’ll try to be back later but don’t count on it. Tomorrow will be easier, I’ll have a lot more time.” She told me, and then pointed to the tray. “I brought you some extra fruit, in case I get held up or something.”

“I understand.” I said. “Thank you for all you do for me, but you should spend time with your little brother. Family is important.” I told her. She smiled and nodded. I watched her leave, the door close and the lights went off.

I sat in the dimness of the small room, eating the food she had brought for me. I had a day, give or take a few hours to plan. If what she had said was true then after tonight the people I feared the most, the ones who could stop me, would kill me without a thought would be gone. It was the chance I had been waiting for and I wasn’t going to mess it up. When I had finished eating I pulled out the silk dress that I had stuffed under my cot. Carefully and with purpose I began to tear the skirt into strips.

The Dark Stripped Bare 5

2006-01-28T15:00:00.000+01:00

“Get up!” the voice was intrusive and harsh. The hands that yanked at me were strong and rough.

This was the umpteenth time I had been woken up this way. This had become a weird sort of routine. At strange, intermittent times the small prison room I was in would be flooded with light and I would be dragged awake and taken to another part of the compound.

The first time this had happened it had scared the sandjiggers out of me. I had been deeply asleep and the utter disorientation had left me confused and frightened. I had been hauled to my feet, my hands bound behind my back and taken to a small interrogation room. The room itself was ordinary and empty save for a single table in the middle and two chairs. No windows and bare smooth walls the colour of ship grey. It seemed very bright to me, but I was getting used to living in the dark so even a candle would have seemed overly brilliant.

I was seated in the chair that had its back to the door and left alone in the room for what seemed hours. At first I let my fear and my nervousness win. I was cold, scared and very much alone. It was a sure bet that Jyrki was counting on this to happen but what he no longer knew about me was that I had changed. Over the past year I had been tested and tried, trained and taught in ways he had no idea of. I was no longer the eager, infatuated girl he had known and maybe even cared for.

After what I had guessed had been about half an hour I calmed down. I remembered what Master Kjestyll had taught me and I concentrated on my breathing. I sought to become part of the stillness of this strange room and not try to fight against it. With my arms still shackled behind my back I relaxed my body and I centered as I had been taught to do so many times before. There is a place deep within that is still and calm, where one’s spirit resides. I went to this place and stayed there. It would give me the strength for what ever was coming next.

When I heard the door open behind me I didn’t turn around. While I didn’t want to give away exactly how much I had changed, I also did not want to show too much fear either. I knew who it was who had entered the room without looking and inwardly I sighed. Now it would begin this battle of wills. I raised only my eyes to meet Jyrki’s as he sat down across from me, sliding a data pad to my side of the table.

“I need yer access codes, Mouse.” Was all he said. His ice blue eyes were hard.

I just looked at him. I didn’t look at the data pad. I didn’t move. I didn’t speak. I just watched him.

“Why are yer being so stubborn? Do yer like suffering?” he asked, I could sense his slow rising temper as I held my tongue. “All yer have to do is give me yer codes and yer’ll be given decent quarters, hot meals, a shower, all the comforts of home.” The words held promise but his eyes remained hard.

Once I had thought of him as handsome and I suppose he was a good looking man but something had etched in his face and had taken away the subtle beauty I had once seen twisting it into something hard and cruel. I wondered what he had gone through in the last few years that had changed him so much, or if he had always been this way and I had just been too smitten to see it.

I stayed still and silent. There was nothing for me to say except no, and my silence said that for me. He had stood up from the table and paced around the room. I felt his tension keenly; he was angry and agitated, fighting with himself. The battle was not just between his will and mine but between his own self. He was scared of something but I could not sense what it was and without giving away more of my abilities than I wanted him to know I could not find out. Instead I maintained my own calm and stayed quiet. This wasn’t easy and I was scared but fear would kill me long before anyone or anything else would so I used all the training and teaching I had ever been given and I struggled to keep my calm. I felt him move beside me and fought to stay very still when he leaned in close to my ear.

“Smarten up, Mouse.” He said. “No one is coming to rescue yer. No one except me cares what happens to yer.”

Oddly enough this made me laugh.

He backed off immediately. “Yer think this is funny? Yer think this is some sort of joke?” the anger flared now.

I sighed and looked at him, moving for the first time since he had entered the room. “No, Jyrki, I don’t think this is a joke. I don’t think it is funny that you have kidnapped me, that you are holding me against my will, that you used dangerous drugs to sedate me, that you use methods of psychological torture to scare me. I don’t think this is funny at all. What is funny is that you actually believe you care about me.” I said. I couldn’t help the spark of anger I felt rising from the pit of my belly from touching my words. I squashed that down with a very deep breath. To give in to my anger would be to lose this confrontation.

“Mouse, all yer have to do to end all of this is tell me what I need to know.” He said, softening his voice, becoming my friend. He was lying, he didn’t actually know what he wanted from me.

“I know nothing. I cannot help you.” I said. I was just tired. This was like a broken holo recording that kept skipping and repeating over and over again.

“We’ll see.” He said after a long silence. He left the room without picking up the data pad. I sat still in the chair, alone in the room for a long time before the same gruff voiced man came back to return me to my room. I was grateful that he had taken the binders off after returning me to the small prison.

The next few times we had gone through this dance it had been the same thing. The fifth or maybe it was the sixth time I had lost my temper and it felt as though I had lost my mind. It had begun the same, the same stiffness, the same quiet battle of wills but at some point during the questions Jyrki had fired at me I had given into my frustration and anger. Something had snapped. I had gotten up and kicked at the table, shoving it violently towards him. I had gotten to my feet then and screamed at him. I had wanted to hurt him but with my hands tied behind my back all I could do was kick at him. It was a futile waste of energy. He had avoided my attempts to hurt him easily enough and after a moment of staring at me, he had left me in the small interrogation room, screaming at the walls like a lunatic. I didn’t know if I had gone mad or if it was normal to some how step outside one’s own self. I watched, as though from a great distance as this person, who looked and sounded a lot like me, threw herself against the walls, against the door until it was opened. Hands had grabbed at me and I had struggled, screeching, fighting until someone had doped me and the world receded into a never ending nothingness.

This time was different, this time Jyrki had brought along a friend. I recognised the woman called Valdia and took note of the wary unhappiness in her eyes. She stayed very quiet for most of Jyrki’s one sided conversation, watching me more than she watched him. After a while Jyrki had tired of my stubbornness and had nodded at her. I watched her with wary interest as she fought the protest that rose within her. What ever it was she was being asked to do, she was not happy about it. Jyrki had given her a hard, meaningful look which made her sigh.

She had come to stand next to me and cleared away hair from the side of my neck. I felt the pressure of the hypo spray and heard the hiss as she activated it. My heart suddenly raced, adrenaline flooded me and that terrible sense of fight or flight only served to scare me more. I felt the drug course through me and it was an ugly sensation.

Master Kjestyll had told me many times during out lessons together this one thing. Fear will kill you faster than anything else because it will cloud your judgement and cause panic to move you. I don’t think I had ever truly understood this statement because until this moment I had never known such acute fear, even though I knew it was drug induced. I was struggling to breathe and calm.

“How long before it starts to work?” Jyrki had asked.

“Couple of minutes, maybe.” Valdia had told him. “If she reacts to it the way she is supposed to.”

They waited. I sat shivering, my teeth chattered. Gradually the effects of panic subsided and a strange sort of euphoria took over. A part of me knew this was not real, a part of me knew that I was being drugged but the other part of me didn’t care. It was like floating on fluffy clouds. I closed my eyes because the room was doing some strange things. I could hear someone talking to me but the voice was very far away.

“Mouse!” someone shouted. It took me a few moments to realise it was Jyrki.

I opened my eyes to see him. I grinned. “Hey, you.” I tried to say but my words came out slurry. I felt as though I had just consumed an entire bottle of my father’s home made liquor.

“It’s working, I think.” said the woman by his side. “But this phase won’t last very long so you need to be quick about it.” She warned him. “Once this stage wears off she’ll be in bad shape. The side effects of bloom-spice are not pretty. Which is why this is a bad idea. If the General knew what you were doing he’d throw you out the nearest airlock.”

“Val, when I want your opinion I will ask for it.” He had said coldly. “We need the codes she carries in her head. We need the information on where that bastard is. You want another Alderaan? Sarlacc knows what the Empire is cooking up now. Mon Mothma’s group got that blasted battle station but that was a lucky shot, thanks to that Skywalker kid. You think the Empire is sitting still and not cooking up something bigger, stronger? The General would love to get the jump on the Imps and he doesn’t need to know about this just yet. He’s got enough on his mind as it is.” he spat the words out. I worked at not giggling.

“Don’t you dare bring up Alderaan. Of course I don’t want to see another incident like that, I lost my whole family except for my baby brother so don’t you dare lecture me. Of course we need information but this is wrong!” she said fiercely. She was very angry and I could see it surround her in a brilliant light. “And as for the General, well I am pretty sure that as much as he wants to learn as many Imperial weakness as possible this is not the method he had in mind!”

Jyrki nodded. “We need information and pussy-footing around won’t do that for us. Sometimes the only way to fight fire is with fire. The Empire would not think twice about doing worse than this if the tables were turned.”

My world spun. I felt as though my body were made out of rubber. In my head I heard a voice whispering to me to fight. It reminded me of Thrawn and I smiled thinking of him.
Jyrki grasped me by the shoulders, his hands were cold and his fingers bit into my bare skin. I tried to look at his face but it kept swimming in and out of focus. My stomach began to complain so I closed my eyes. I had never taken any kind of doping spice in my life before so this was completely new experience for me. I didn’t like it much.

“Mouse, where can we find Darth Vader?” he asked.

I shook my head. “Don’t know.” I told him fighting against the fact that my tongue felt as though it were three times its normal size. I kept trying to look at it but wasn’t having much luck. “He’s on his ship.”

“Where is his ship?” he asked.

“In space, silly.” I giggled and hiccupped.

“Where in space?” Jyrki asked, his patience wearing thin.

“On his ship.” I answered.

Jyrki growled in frustration. “This is useless!”

“Are you mad, don’t be mad. Lord Vader is always mad and I don’t think he likes me you know, he hits me when he’s cross.” I said with a sigh. “He doesn’t like anyone.” I added hoping that was what Jyrki wanted to hear. All I wanted was to lie down because the spinning sensation was getting worse.

Valdia frowned at my words and Jyrki sighed. “You sure this stuff is working?” he asked her.

I looked at Valdia who shrugged. “No I am not and I told you before I have no way of knowing how she will react to it. Using bloom-spice as a truth teller is unreliable at best.” She said crossly. “She reacted really badly to the feynox so I have no clue how this stuff will affect her. I told you this was a bad idea.”

I nodded. “Bad idea, bad idea.” I echoed, then giggled and hiccupped again.

“Mouse! Mouse, look at me.” Jyrki said guiding my face to his. I looked into his eyes, they were so blue. I remembered how much I had loved his eyes.

“You have such beautiful eyes, but they look angry. Why are you so angry?” I asked him. “Did papa say something to you? Did you lose the hyper spanner again?” I was becoming incoherent.

“Mouse, concentrate, what is your access code to the Imperial data network?” he asked ignoring my question.

I frowned and looked around. I had no idea where I was. “Issa lot of numbers.” I said nodding. “Can’t tell you them though, issa secret.” I said.

“She’s not going to tell you what you want to know. She’s very strong willed, even doped she’s strong. Her mind, her subconscious is fighting against the drug.” Valdia told him, folding her arms across her chest in a very ‘I told you so’ manner.

I looked at Jyrki who was still leaning in close to me. I wanted to touch his face but my arms were tied behind my back. I couldn’t remember why that was. “Where’s papa, is it supper time yet?” I asked suddenly. “Is he mad at me? Why are my hands tied?” I was very confused. My head had begun to pound and my stomach suddenly lurched. “I don’t feel so good.” I told him.

He had looked at Valdia and shaken his head. “This was a waste of time!” he spat.

“I warned you.” She snarled at him. She had been about to add more but I interrupted them both by vomiting violently. I sat on the edge of the chair, panting in short, quick and shallow breaths. My heart was pounding in my ears and cold sweat prickled all over my body. I felt as though I were dying, I hoped this was the case.

Jyrki made a sound of disgust and Valdia moved to my side. Her fingers were cold against my neck as she felt my pulse. She shone a small light into my eyes and I knew that she was worried. “That’s enough, Captain. Her body isn’t dealing well with this and she needs to lie down.” Then she added. “Unless you want her murder on your conscience, I suggest you end this now.”

“Get Brit to take her back to her room then!” he snarled. His fury suddenly breaking through his carefully constructed control. I looked at him his face. Our eyes met but I didn’t recognize him any more. I wanted to say I was sorry, I wanted to know why he was so angry with me, but I was afraid to say this out loud. My head spun and with a sigh I simply let the dizziness take over, let my head roll back and closed my eyes. Time bounced onward without me knowing.

I woke up on the cot in the small dark room I was being kept in. My mouth resembled a sewer and I was pretty certain that a bantha was dancing on my brain. The light was on and at my side, sitting in a chair that had not been there before was Valdia.

“How do you feel?” she asked. She put a cup of water to my lips. I sipped at it.

“Like death.” I told her, squinting. “How long was I out for?”

She pursed her lips tightly. She didn’t want to tell me.

“How… long?” I clasped her hand.

“Over 36 hours.” She said quietly, she was embarrassed. “I wasn’t sure you were gonna come out of it.”

“Why are you doing this to me?” I asked but it was more like a whimper.

She frowned and a strange expression of anger and sadness crossed her face. “Captain Andando says you have information that we can use to fight the Empire.” She said by way of explanation.

“What does he think I am?” I whispered truly wondering this myself.

“Someone with access to a lot of important information.” She answered.

“I’m just an office girl.” I said. “I am just an assistant.”

She just stared at me. “You work with high ranking officials.” She countered.

I lay back down on the cot and laughed which turned into a coughing fit. “I can tell you about what up and coming social functions are happening at the palace or about where the best tailors on Coruscant are.” I said. “Or maybe you need to know what size boots Darth Vader wears.”

She shook her head. “So you have no idea where the Imperial fleets are?”

“No.” and that was the truth.

I could feel her sudden flare of anger. Jyrki hadn’t been entirely honest with her. “What about access to the Imperial computer network?”

“Just low level clearance and just to the local network, for memos and messages and stuff.” I lied. “And that access would have been deleted the moment people knew I had been abducted.” I added.

She sighed. “The Captain told me you were involved in the destruction of Alderaan.”

I just stared at her for a moment. Jyrki had actually said that? I shook my head. “I have no part of the military, I’m a civilian worker. I had nothing to do with that at all. I lost family when the planet was destroyed.” I said sadly.

I could feel her indecision and stayed very quiet. She was already angry with Jyrki and she was weighing the truth of my statements against her dislike of his actions.

“I’m sorry.” She said getting up. “I don’t know what to do about this. I owe him my life and he’s really a good man.” She told me but she sounded as though she were trying to convince herself more than explain to me. “You know him from before, don’t you?”

I nodded. “He worked for my father.” I said and I could not keep the sorrow out of my voice. “He knew me as a child and he was like an older brother to me.” I swallowed the sadness down. “But he’s changed.” I added.

She drew a deep breath. “You need to rest. Your body doesn’t like the drugs we’ve been using. I don’t know why. I’ll try and bring you some food later on and some clean clothes. That dress is pretty disgusting. I don’t care who you are, you deserve to be treated like a human being not an animal. I don’t know why he hates you so much and I am sorry I can’t help you more. If it were not for the captain my little brother and I would be dead.”

I just looked at her and said nothing. There was nothing for me to say. I watched as she left the room, closed the door and the lights went off. I had lost all track of time; I had no idea how many days I had been in this place now. I lay awake a long time thinking about everything that had happened. I never did manage to fall asleep, instead I dozed fitfully. I was awake when Valdia came back into the room much, much later on.

She put clothes down on the chair for me along with a small kit of toiletries and some towels. “There is a toothbrush and stuff in the kit for you.” She said quietly. “I’ll bring food when it is done.”

“Thank you. You are very kind.” I told her, knowing she didn’t feel kind at all, she felt guilty. She nodded and left quickly. I made her uncomfortable. I was a reminder that the lines between right and wrong were very thin. She hated the Empire, I felt that every time the word came up but she didn’t hate me. What they were doing to me was exactly what they were fighting against. She was in conflict.

I got up slowly, my head protested but I didn’t care. I looked at the clothes she left me. Everything was used but freshly laundered. I stripped out of the once beautiful dress and sighed. I braved the freezing cold water and scrubbed myself until it almost hurt. Then, with a strange feeling of relief, I slipped into the clothes. Shorts and a t shirt became my underclothes and then the jump suit which was a little too large but I didn’t care. It was comfortable and more importantly, clean. I rummaged through the little toiletries kit and found the toothbrush and paste. I spent at least ten minutes cleaning my teeth and for the first time since I had been kidnapped I broke down and wept. It was as if the simplest act in the galaxy, this thing I had taken for granted my whole life, had suddenly become the most precious gift ever.

I was sitting on the bed when Valdia returned with a tray of food. She set it on the chair.
“Don’t eat too fast, you’ll be sick.” She said squatting down by the cot. “You need to gain some strength, keep food in your stomach and not throw it up.”

“You a doctor?” I asked.

She shook her head. “Just a field medic, patch folks up mostly.” She said. “But I know enough to see you aren’t looking or doing so well. I brought you some fruit juice and some more water. The stew doesn’t have much flavour but it’s hot and the apple is fresh.”

“Thank you.” I said shyly. “I hope you don’t get into trouble with Jyrki for being nice to me.”

Her anger suddenly flared about her like white fire. “I don’t give a smuggler’s kiss about what the Captain thinks. Even if you do work for the Empire, you don’t deserve to be treated like this, no matter what. I’m sorry I let it go on this long.”

“Lots of people work for the Empire.” I said. “Garbage disposal workers on Coruscant work for the Empire, I don’t see any of them here.” I said. “I’m here because it’s personal.”

She looked at me for a moment and then nodded. She had gotten my point. “Eat before it gets cold.” She said. “I’ll pick up the tray tomorrow morning.”

I made a noise that was a cross between laughter and a snort. “Morning, night, I have no idea what time of day or even what day it is any more.” I said.

She sighed then she told me what date it was. I did the math in my head and sat back against the wall. My heart seemed to stop. “That’s over three weeks? I’ve been gone for over three weeks? How is that possible? How?” I didn’t know what to think and the tears that welled up in my eyes were genuine. How could so much time have passed? It was all a blur since the fight in my flat, since they had kidnapped me. “I wish he’d just kill me and get it over with.” I said softly, trying not to cry. “It would be easier than this.”

She looked away from me. “I have to go.” She said quietly. I just nodded and didn’t say anything else. I didn’t need to. When I was once again alone I picked up the bowl of stew. She was right, it didn’t have much flavour but it was still warm and it tasted like heaven to me. I ate slowly, thoughtfully. The juice she had brought was sweet and cold and I savoured every sip. I kept the apple for later.

I needed to get out of here. I needed to make a plan because no one was going to come for me. There were no heroes and no rescues. I had no illusions about how unimportant I was in the eyes of the Empire. If I wanted to escape, I would have to do it myself. I just needed to wait for the right time, play my part and hope that some luck was with me.